Relationship between child and father

In our society, a partial rejection of the traditional family model has led to different ideas about the relationship between men, women, and children. There is an inconsistency in the models of family relations. What model of the family is shown to children by modern parents? What should be the relationship between the child and the stepfather? Parents show their children a standard of behavior (how to talk to people, behave, work, dress, resolve conflicts ...) It is not at all easy to develop these skills in an incomplete family or in a family where there is a stepfather.

According to sociological research, in single-parent families where one mother brings up, the child is in more favorable conditions for his mental development than in a family where one father is engaged in upbringing. It was revealed that in most cases, unfavorable living conditions for children develop in families with a stepfather or a drinking father. The media almost daily reports on the problems of the relationship between children and stepfathers: a mother brought an outsider into the house who kept her children at bay, was rude, humiliated, punished ... These terrible facts speak of the irresponsibility of mothers who allowed violence against their own children.

The relationship between father and child is different. Along with scary stories, there are also beautiful ones. The main role is played by the human factor. Not every person is able to understand, recognize and make someone else's child happy.

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My cousin after her divorce from her husband fell in love with another man. The stepfather accepted the daughter from his wife's first marriage as his own child. Their marriage has lasted over 30 years. The girl from the first day called her stepfather dad. Now she is married and her parents are happy to take care of a young family in which their grandson appeared.

Correct and incorrect positions of mother and stepfather

Before the appearance of the stepfather in the family, the child lives in close contact with the mother. Mom belongs only to him, replacing his father and friend. In the face of his stepfather, he sees a rival. He does not want to share his mother's love and attention with him. The child's problem is more of a mother's problem. You can't rush into making a decision. You should find out from the chosen one the details of his childhood, the methods of raising children in the family, the attitude towards his own children from his first marriage. A man who is indifferent to his own children cannot show love to someone else's child. Mom needs to tell her loved one about the character, favorite hobbies, habits of her son or daughter. The success of meeting complete strangers depends on a lot of preparation for it.

Children experience great difficulties after the divorce of their parents. Any requirement of mother and stepfather will cause resistance even among the most complaisant child. He loves both mother and father. No one can force him to respect someone else's uncle. A strange man is not included in the children's plans. A mother needs to reckon with the state of mind of her daughter or son, show tact and understanding, not set any conditions and not apply punishment.

You can’t compare your own father and stepfather: “your father drank, didn’t care about us, and Uncle Kolya tries to please us, buys toys for you ...”

You should not organize the first acquaintance with a new family member at home. In his home, the child behaves like a master of the situation. It is better to get acquainted on neutral territory: in a cafe, on a hike ...

Many stepfathers make a big mistake: they immediately try to replace their father, showing fatherly feelings. At first, children look closely at a new person and keep him at a great distance from themselves. It is necessary to let them decide for themselves how to call their stepfather (dad, uncle Kolya or Nikolai Alexandrovich).

Children who parted with their own father at an early age may not remember him. Mom has to tell the truth sooner or later. Children have the right to know their roots. Otherwise, they may not forgive the mother of lies. A five-year-old kid is acutely experiencing the absence of a father in the family. He is looking for a dad among the men around him. A stepfather can become a senior comrade for him. Trust, respect and love must be earned, and he cannot do without patience. With the advent of a new person in the house, the child is able to show jealousy for his mother, as he especially needs her affection and love. A mother who shows attention and love for a child will avoid conflicts and children's whims. At the beginning of a life together, one should not allow the stepfather to reprimand or punish the stepson or stepdaughter. Any criticism of the stepfather will be accepted after the son or daughter begins to respect his opinion.

Psychological observations

Psychologists recommend that the mother consult with her husband on the upbringing of the child (which section to give, which foreign language to choose, what to give for the new year ...). The upbringing of children should be a common cause. Men appreciate those in whom they invest their soul and strength.

Psychologists say that boys from single-parent families face more difficulties than girls if they are brought up without a father. The kid identifies himself with the person who is nearby. He feels this close relationship only between himself and his mother. In the absence of a role model, the boy is required to behave in a feminine manner. Mom takes into account only women's needs, forbidding him to run, jump, experiment ... The boy should be guided by the behavior of the opposite sex.

During the period of hormonal maturation, a teenager manifests hypermasculine features: cynicism, aggressiveness, object condemnation of the female. Psychologists recommend helping a teenager master the male role. The boy needs to learn to be strong, to defend his opinion, to take responsibility, to show resourcefulness. It must be formed. Adolescents 11-15 years old are drawn to men. will not become acute if both of them have common interests and hobbies (technology, apartment renovation, wood carving ...). A boy who has mastered the craft of his father has a feeling of gratitude. This cannot but flatter the "teacher". Relationships are strengthened by family traditions, for example, evening walks, going to the theater, joint holidays ...). There is one beautiful commandment of Janusz Korczak for parents:

“Know how to love someone else’s child. Never do to someone else what you would not like to be done to yours."

It is difficult to captivate an older teenager with an interesting thing. Any idea of a stepfather can cause a protest in him, because the desire to love a stepson or stepdaughter can easily disappear.

Children should get used to the fact that their family has grown. For this habit to take root, distractions are needed: going to the pool together, buying a bike, taking care of a puppy ... It is important to master a new business together in order to increase parental authority. It is important to maintain mutual understanding until the marriage of a daughter or the marriage of a son. The authority of the stepfather can be raised by a joint trip to his work, so that the child understands the process of work and relationships with colleagues. You should not be cunning in your feelings and send a teenager for a long time to his grandmother. This will serve as distance and resentment. Whatever the family relationship, the child must know that he can still rely on his mother. Awareness of maternal fidelity is a sufficient reason for establishing relationships in the family.

You should know it

A woman considers her son or daughter a part of herself, and the attitude of a stepfather towards her stepson or stepdaughter is determined by his true love for their mother.

Demonstration of love for the wife and manifestation of indifference to her son (daughter) is a sign of insincere relationship.

The sincere care and love of a stepfather inevitably leads to reconciliation and appreciation.

The parent-child relationship takes time. In the process of adaptation to each other, the child and stepfather experience psychological discomfort. The duty of the mother is to smooth out all the roughness of family relationships. The girl has a mother (teacher, grandmother) and she understands that women behave differently. It is difficult for boys to comprehend male and non-male behavior. They need an example to follow. And it is very important for mom not to make a mistake in her choice. The happiness and safety of the child depends on this choice.

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