Learn to listen is the most important condition correct understanding the point of view of the interlocutor, but in general - the key to successful business communication. The real "art of listening" is manifested in the fact that the listener:

• always refrains from expressing his emotions while the speaker is presenting information;
• “helps” the speaker with encouraging gestures (nods), a smile, brief remarks, unobtrusively, but so that he continues the conversation.

Statistics say that 40% of the working time of modern administrators is devoted to listening, while 35% is spent on speaking, 16% on reading, and 9% on writing. However, only 25% of managers really know how to listen.

Everything affects the ability to listen: a person’s personality, his interests, gender, age, a specific situation, etc.

Interference with hearing

Conversation creates hearing interference:

Internal interference - the inability to turn off your thoughts, which seem much more significant and important than what the partner is saying right now; an attempt to insert one's own line into the speaker's monologue in order to create a dialogue; mental preparation of a response (usually objections);

External interference with listening, for example, the interlocutor does not speak loudly enough or in a whisper at all, has bright mannerisms that distract from the essence of his speech, monotonously “mumbles” or, conversely, “swallows” words, speak with an accent, twirls foreign objects in his hands, constantly glances at his watch, fussing, etc. External mechanical interference includes: traffic noise, sounds of repairs, constant peeking into the office of strangers, phone calls, as well as uncomfortable indoor conditions (hot or cold), poor acoustics, unpleasant odors; distracting surroundings or scenery, bad weather; even the color of the walls in the room plays important role: red - irritates, dark gray - depresses, yellow - relaxes, etc.

Types of listening

American communication researchers have identified four types of listening:

directional(critical) - the listener first critically analyzes the received message, and then tries to understand it. This is useful in cases where various kinds of decisions, projects, ideas, opinions, etc. are discussed, as it allows you to select the most useful information from a given point of view, but it is not very promising when new information is discussed, new knowledge is communicated, because , tuning in to the rejection of information (namely, this is what criticism implies), the listener will not be able to focus his attention on the valuable that it contains; with such a hearing, there is no interest in information; O

empathic- the listener “reads” feelings more than words. This is effective if the speaker calls the listener positive emotions, but unpromising if the speaker calls in his own words negative emotions;

non-reflexive listening involves minimal interference with the speaker's speech with maximum focus on it. This is useful in situations where the partner seeks to express his point of view, attitude to something, wants to discuss pressing issues, experiences negative emotions; when it is difficult for him to express in words what worries him or he is shy, unsure of himself;

Active(reflexive) listening is characterized by establishing feedback with the speaker through: questioning - a direct appeal to the speaker, which is carried out using a variety of questions; paraphrasing - stating the same thought in other words so that the speaker can assess whether he was understood correctly; reflections of feelings, when the listener focuses not on the content of the message, but on the feelings and emotions that the speaker expresses; summarizing - summing up what was heard (summary), which makes it clear to the speaker that his main thoughts are understood and perceived.

How to Become the Perfect Business Listener

Do not interrupt or interrupt your interlocutor. Let the person finish their thought. Silence makes a person keep talking. Listen to your customers and they will continue to answer the question to fill the silence.

Don't look at the clock. If you want to know what time it is, do it discreetly, otherwise the interlocutor will perceive this gesture as a lack of interest in him and a desire to get rid of him as soon as possible.

Do not finish the sentence for your interlocutor. Patiently wait for the interlocutor to express his thought to the end, do not interrupt him impatiently: “You already said that,” which can discourage a person from any desire to continue communicating with you.

Ask a question, wait for an answer. Even if the pause that has arisen after the question has dragged on, still do not be tempted to answer instead of the interlocutor. A pause is a sign that your partner is currently thinking about the question, preparing an answer to it. The pause may be unnerving, but if you've asked a question, have the patience to wait for an answer.

Your posture should not be cheeky and "closed" from the interlocutor. Do not fall apart in a chair, sit up straight, you can lean forward slightly. This will show your interest in the conversation.

Do not negotiate if you are not feeling well. When you feel unwell, it is difficult to focus on another person and show the interlocutor that you are listening to him. Better reschedule the meeting.

Maintain constant eye contact. Even if you listen carefully to the interlocutor, but at the same time do not look him directly in the eyes, he will conclude that you are not interested, so you are thinking far away from him and his problem.

Turn to face the interlocutor. It is unethical to talk to a person, being in relation to him or her side or back, but linden to a computer or something else. Be sure to turn around to the interlocutor with your whole body, one turn of the head is not enough.

nod. This is very effective method show the interlocutor that you are listening and understanding. However, by nodding too hard, you are signaling to the other person that your patience is over and it is time for them to end the conversation.

Set up verbal feedback. Replies like “Yes, of course, this is interesting ...”, etc. are designed to verbally confirm that you are listening to the interlocutor. This is very important to maintain contact.

Don't be afraid to ask clarifying questions. If something is not clear to you, you are not sure that you understood the interlocutor correctly, ask clarifying questions. So you give the impression of a person trying not to miss important points conversations. There are many clarifying questions: “Do you mean that ...”, “Did I understand you correctly ...”, “Please explain ...”, “Do you want to say ...”, etc.

Resist the temptation to refute information that is new to you. People prefer to argue. If you hear from the interlocutor something that does not correspond to your beliefs or differs from your ideas, do not attack him and do not defend yourself, defending your point of view. It’s better to just ask: “Where did you get such information?”, “Why do you think so?”, “What explains your position?”

Avoid the syndrome: "But I have ..." The client can talk about anything, do not try to impress him with your "even cooler" personal experience seizing the initiative from him. The client, after being interrupted, can generally shut up and close.

Take notes. This has the following advantages: you suppress the impulse to interrupt the speaker; you can react on paper to possible anger starting in you and calm down for your answer in the future; already when listening, you will be able to separate the important from the secondary; really get into all the essential issues, which is especially important when it's your turn to speak; your negotiating partner to conclude that they are serious if they take notes to themselves during a speech.

Ability to listen to the interlocutor

Success largely depends not only on the ability to convey information, but also on the ability to perceive it, i.e. listen.

One a wise man said that we have two ears and one mouth, and we need to use them in this proportion, i.e. listening twice as much as talking. In practice, it turns out the opposite.

The notion that one can listen in different ways, and “listen” and “hear” are not the same thing, is fixed in the Russian language by the very fact of the presence different words to denote effective and ineffective listening. All owners of healthy and efficient hearing organs can hear, but in order to learn how to listen, training is needed.

Lack of listening skills is the main cause of ineffective communication, and it is this that leads to misunderstandings, mistakes, and problems. Despite the apparent simplicity (some people think that listening means just keeping quiet), listening is a complex process that requires significant psychological energy costs, certain skills and a general communicative culture.

There are two types of listening in the literature: non-reflexive and reflective.

Non-reflective listening this is the ability to be attentively silent, not interfering with the speech of the interlocutor with your remarks. Listening of this kind is especially useful when the interlocutor shows such deep feelings as anger or grief, is eager to express his point of view, wants to discuss pressing issues. Answers in non-reflective listening should be kept to a minimum such as “Yes!”, “Well, well!”, “Continue”, “Interesting”, etc.

In business, as in any other communication, a combination of non-reflective and reflective listening is important. Reflective listening is the process of deciphering the meaning of messages. Reflexive answers help to find out the real meaning of the message, among which there are clarification, paraphrasing, reflection of feelings and summarizing.

Finding out is an appeal to the speaker for clarification using key phrases such as: "I did not understand", "What do you mean?", "Please clarify this", etc.

Paraphrasing- the speaker's own wording of the message to check its accuracy. Key phrases: "As I understand you...", "Do you think that...", "In your opinion...".

At reflection of feelings the emphasis is on the listener reflecting the emotional state of the speaker with the help of phrases: “You probably feel ...”, “You are somewhat upset ...”, etc.

At summarizing the main ideas and feelings of the speaker are summarized, for which the phrases are used: “Your main ideas, as I understand it, are ...”, “If you now summarize what you said, then ...”. Summarizing is appropriate in situations when discussing disagreements at the end of a conversation, during a long discussion of an issue, at the end of a conversation.

Common Listening Mistakes

Scattered attention. There is a misconception that you can do two things at the same time. For example, write a report and listen to your colleague. From time to time, you can nod, depicting attention to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. But attention is focused on the report, and the person only vaguely imagines what the interlocutor is talking about. You can avoid the distracted attention trap by prioritizing: choosing the activity that is more important.

Screening occurs when an opinion is formed in advance about what the interlocutor is trying to say. As a result, attention is drawn to only that information that confirms the first impression, and everything else is discarded as irrelevant or insignificant. You can avoid this trap only if you approach any conversation with an open mind, without making any initial suggestions and conclusions.

interruption interlocutor during his message. Most people interrupt each other unconsciously. Managers often interrupt subordinates, and men - women. When interrupting, you need to try to immediately restore the train of thought of the interlocutor.

Hasty objections often arise when disagreeing with the statements of the speaker. Often a person does not listen, but mentally formulates an objection and waits for the turn to speak. Then he is carried away by the justification of his point of view and does not notice what the interlocutor was really trying to say.

In progress active listening need to:

• stay open-minded. Any comments, especially of a critical nature, increase the interlocutor's reluctance to talk about problems that deeply affect him. This will also make it difficult to identify his real feelings, motives and needs;
• study the facial expression of the interlocutor, his gestures and posture, revealing the degree of his truthfulness;
• pay attention to the tone of the message. Any discrepancy between content and form may indicate deeply hidden feelings;
• listen to more than just words. Important parts of the message are often conveyed by pauses, emphasis, and hesitation. Long pauses and repetitions betray alarm;
• make it easier for reticent, shy, or slightly tongue-tied interlocutors by inserting encouraging comments into their monologues, such as “I understand”, “of course”. At the same time smile, look at the interlocutor and take an interested look;
• try to put yourself in the position of an interlocutor, look at the situation through his eyes and hear everything with his words;
• check your understanding of what you heard with the help of questions: “who?”, “what?”, “when?”, “where?”, “why?”, “how?”;
• use the PTS technique for additional ideas, information and comments. This means that you need to start with the Positive aspects of the interlocutor's proposal, then find the Interesting and only then turn to the Negative aspects of his ideas.

Building communication skills takes both time and patience.

Reflective listening is a type of active listening based on the logic of words and communication. Another, opposite direction is empathic listening, where the main goal is to understand the emotions of the interlocutor. Reflective listening is sometimes referred to as the "male" type of communication and finds its application in the business environment, where minimal distraction is allowed.

Practice shows that often only a small part of what is said finds understanding. It is not enough for the interlocutor to ask a question - you need to ensure that the interlocutor understands the question, and we understand the answer. This is what reflective listening is for.

This method is used in situations where interlocutors different level communication skills. For example, it is required to understand the meaning of the terms used or the context of the words vis-a-vis.

Reflective Listening Methods

In this type of listening, the same methods apply as in active listening. Namely:

Clarification . If what the counterparty said is not clear or can be interpreted in two ways, then it would be correct to directly request Additional information. To do this, it is enough to ask a direct question. For example:

“What do you mean by…?”

In addition to the fact that we receive additional information, we demonstrate that we are listening to the interlocutor. The interlocutor does not speak to himself, his words are heard. This can encourage you to talk more.

If we have little information, then an affirmative answer can be misinterpreted. For example, the interlocutor expresses concern about the preparation process for a certain project. If we try to support the counterpart without sufficient information, then this may tell him that we are on different wavelengths, we do not have an understanding. Instead, we ask clarifying questions about what exactly caused him such concern.

Paraphrase or paraphrase. This method involves repeating what the other person said in our own words. A paraphrase may begin with a question such as:

“Do I understand you correctly that…?”

We give feedback. We demonstrate that we hear the other person. And we have an understanding - whether this understanding can be assessed by a counterpart.

On the other hand, the paraphrase allows, if necessary, to absorb the negative on the part of the interlocutor. For example:

"I'm sad"

“In other words, you expected a different reaction, right?”

Echo or repeat. We simply repeat what was said by the interlocutor. On the one hand, we demonstrate attention to the words of another person. On the other hand, we give the interlocutor the opportunity to hear his own words and evaluate from the outside.

Summing up or summing up preliminary results . In this technique, we briefly sum up the results that we managed to come to. This approach makes it clear whether we are moving in the right direction. We can streamline the flow of thoughts and synchronize the overall understanding of the situation. Summaries are widely used in business, such as sales.

There are two styles of conversation, and in its course one can replace the other depending on the context.

Reflective listening

Reflective listening is a style of conversation that involves active verbal interaction between the psychologist and the respondent.

Reflective listening is used to accurately control the correctness of the perception of the information received. The use of this style of conversation may be associated with the personal characteristics of the respondent (for example, a low level of development of communication skills), the need to establish the meaning of the word that the speaker had in mind, cultural traditions (communication etiquette in the cultural environment to which the respondent and the psychologist belong ).

Four basic techniques for maintaining a conversation and controlling the information received:

Clarification (using clarifying questions)

Paraphrasing (formulation of what the respondent said in his own words)

The psychologist's verbal reflection of the respondent's feelings

Non-reflective listening

Non-reflexive listening is a style of conversation that uses only the minimum necessary, from the point of view of expediency, words and non-verbal communication techniques on the part of the psychologist.

Non-reflexive listening is used in cases where there is a need to let the subject speak out. It is especially useful in situations where the interlocutor shows a desire to express his point of view, discuss topics of concern to him and where he has difficulty expressing problems, is easily confused by the intervention of a psychologist and behaves enslavedly due to the difference in social position between the psychologist and the respondent.

28. Communication techniques

Can be broken down into 3 components:

1. Techniques for managing the process of communicative interaction:

eye contact, distance, change in posture, pauses, gestures, attentive silence, emotional accompaniment (exclamations), prompting ( "Well?", “and then what?”).

2. Techniques for working with content:

a) the "mirror" technique - a literal repetition of the interlocutor's phrase ("uh-huh", and exact repetition);

b) "echo" - repetition of the fragment of the interlocutor's statement that interests you (to direct the conversation in the direction you need);

c) developing questions - an assumption regarding what has not yet been expressed by the interlocutor;

d) leading questions - questions that ask the conversation the direction you are interested in;

e) clarifying questions - questions to clarify the details you are interested in;

f) paraphrase technique - a statement of the interlocutor's thoughts in your own words (“if I understand you correctly, you are saying that ... (transferring the meaning of the message)”).

3. Techniques for regulating the emotional background of interaction:

a) change in tone, tempo of speech, volume, use of statements that affect the self-esteem of the partner;

b) objectification of one's state - speaking aloud one's emotional state and the reasons that caused it ( "I'm sorry, I ... (state), ... (reasons)") - most importantly, do not blame your partner for your condition;

c) objectification of the state of the partner - speaking aloud the feelings, emotional state, intentions of the interlocutor ( “I feel that you…, therefore…”);

d) objectification of the situation - speaking aloud what is really happening at the given moment of interaction ( “It seems to me that we ... (description of what is happening), ... (your forecast)”);

e) emotional identification - identification of one's emotional state with the state of a partner or group ( "I understand your ... (indication of the state), I feel the same, ... (indication of situations similar to the current one)");

f) role identification - identification of oneself with a partner or group on the basis of the unity of the functions performed ( "we, ... (indication of the role in which both subjects of interaction are)");

g) attributing roles and characteristics (direct appeal, imitation of cognitive dissonance in one's ideas between the global positive characteristics and roles assigned to the partner and minor negative facts associated with the partner's non-constructive behavior);

h) anticipation - prediction of the most likely and undesirable behavior (direct appeal, an assumption with a high degree of probability regarding the behavior of the interlocutor, the formulation of undesirable forms of behavior, an indication of the insignificance of the efforts that will be required from the opponent in return for unpredictability, in contrast to the majority in a positive direction ).

Reflective listening is objective feedback from the speaker, used as a control of the accuracy of perception of what is heard. This is sometimes referred to as "active listening". Reflective listening helps us achieve greater accuracy in understanding the interlocutor.

The ability to listen reflectively is necessary for effective communication for several reasons:

- the ambiguity of most words;

- “coded” meaning of most messages (very often we choose words, being afraid to offend; we are cunning and act with caution, so we often fail to express a thought so that the listener understands it correctly);

- the difficulty of open self-expression (the accepted conventions and the need for approval interfere).

Let us dwell on some methods of reflective listening.

Finding out

Clarification is an appeal to the speaker for clarification. And although there are no ready-made recipes to apply to find out, the following key phrases can be useful:

"Won't you repeat it again?"

"I do not understand what do you mean?"

"I didn't understand".

"What do you have in mind?"

"Could you explain this?"

Paraphrasing

To paraphrase means to formulate the same idea differently. You can start with the following words:

"As I understand you..."

"As I understand it, you say..."

"In your opinion..."

"You think..."

"You can correct me if I'm wrong, but..."

"In other words, do you think..."

When paraphrasing, it is important to choose only the essential, main points of the message. It is also important to be able to express someone else's thought in your own words. The literal repetition of the words of the interlocutor is a great hindrance in the conversation.

Reflection of feelings

Here, the emphasis is not on the content of the message, as in paraphrasing, but on the reflection by the listener of the feelings expressed by the speaker, his attitudes and emotional state.

Eastern wisdom says: "Listen to what people say, but understand how they feel."

Reflecting the feelings of the interlocutor, we show him that we understand his condition, so the answers should be formulated as much as possible in words. To facilitate the reflective reflection of feelings, you can use certain phrases, for example:

"I think you feel..."

"Probably you feel..."

"Don't you feel a bit..."

You can understand the feelings of the interlocutor in various ways.

First, one should pay attention to the words he uses that reflect feelings, for example, sadness, anger, joy, etc. Such words are key.

Secondly, you need to monitor non-verbal means of communication, namely: facial expression, intonation, posture, gestures and movement of the interlocutor (i.e. whether the speaker moves away from the interlocutor or approaches him).

Thirdly, you should imagine how you would feel in the place of the speaker.

And finally, you should understand the general context of communication, the reasons for the interlocutor's appeal to you. This often helps to identify the feelings being expressed.

Summary

Summarizing answers summarize the speaker's main ideas and feelings. This technique is applicable in long conversations. The summary should be formulated in your own words, but typical introductory phrases may be the following:

"What you have just said may mean..."

"Your main ideas, as I understand it, are..."

“To sum up what you said now…”

Summarization is especially appropriate in situations that arise when discussing disagreements, resolving conflicts, handling complaints, or in situations where some problems need to be resolved. It is also useful when holding meetings of various workers and commissions, during which a long discussion of any issue may become excessively complicated or even deadlock. Summing up is also useful at the end of a telephone conversation, especially if the conversation is about different issues or involves some kind of action on the part of the listener.

It is advisable to remind the reader that the main thing in the process of communication is the installation. What should she be? This is a reasonable attitude towards a person, a constant readiness to listen to the point of view of others and the desire to take it into account in one's own activities.

Effective listening requires the following attitudes: approval, self-approval and empathy.

Approval is the willingness to listen to another. Approval can usually be compared to sympathy and warmth, which is expressed in a smile or voice. An approving attitude on the part of the listener creates an atmosphere of freedom and ease. Paradoxically, the less we judge the speaker, the more he becomes self-critical, expressing his thoughts and feelings more openly and honestly than when he feels strict control over himself.

Probably the single most important reason for the difficulty in approving others is the lack of internal agreement with oneself, internal approval. The more we come to inner agreement with ourselves, the more willingly we approve of others. In this case, to approve does not mean not to see your shortcomings, but to treat yourself with an open mind. Understanding our own shortcomings, fears, and failures enables us to be more sensible about the same shortcomings in others.

The literature describes different kinds listening: directed, critical, empathic, reflexive, active, reflective.

Directed, critical listening. With this type of listening, the participant in communication first carries out a critical analysis of the message (often in advance, coming with an attitude towards critical perception of information), i.e. determines how true, reliable or probable the information can be, and only after that he understands whether he agrees with it and whether he wants to perceive and respond. Critical analysis requires an assessment of the quality and correctness of the interlocutor's conclusions, i.e. statements that are based on the study of facts but are not necessarily true. A fact is a verifiable statement, and a conclusion is a conclusion that follows from them. When listening critically, the interlocutor usually:

• finds out whether there are significant facts that support the formulated conclusion, whether they are relevant;
• evaluates whether the connection between the evidence and the conclusion seems logical;
• defines, whether there is other known information that reduces the quality of the conclusions.

In practice, such a hearing is useful in a specific situation where decisions are made, new experiences, projects are discussed, points of view are expressed (meeting, meeting or discussion). At the same time, critical listening is ineffective where new information is discussed, new knowledge is communicated (lesson, lecture, report). Setting on the rejection of information does not allow listening to it, requires focusing only on what confirms the undesirability of listening. As a result, everything of value seems to fly by, interest in information falls, time is lost, and dissatisfaction remains.

Empathic Listening. Empathy (from English - sympathy, empathy, the ability to put oneself in the place of another) is the ability of a person to emotionally respond to the experiences and feelings of other people. With empathic listening, the participant in communication pays more attention to “reading” feelings, rather than words, understanding what the interlocutor has to do with what he says. There are three types of empathy: empathic response, acceptance of a different point of view, and sympathetic response.

Empathic Response occurs when a person, using participant observation, experiences emotional reactions similar to the actual or expected manifestations of the emotions of another.

Taking a different point of view- imagining oneself in the place of another, in his role - as if "the ability to walk in other people's shoes."

Sympathetic response- this is a feeling of care, complicity, compassion directed at another person because of his circumstances or situation. The method of sympathetic response differs from the previous two mainly in that the partner does not try to empathize with the other person. Understanding what another person is really experiencing causes grief, concern for this person, pity for him or other feelings in a person.

Rules for Empathic Listening:

1. it is important to free the soul from one's own experiences and problems, to abandon prejudices regarding the interlocutor, to tune in to the perception of his feelings;
2. in your reaction to the partner’s words, it is necessary to accurately reflect his experience, feeling, to demonstrate not only their correct perception, but understanding and acceptance;
3. reflection of the partner's feelings should be carried out without interpreting his actions and hidden motives of behavior that led to specific actions, it is not worth explaining to him your opinion about the reasons for this feeling in him;
4. you need to pause. After your answer, the interlocutor usually needs to be silent, think, understand each other's feelings. Do not rush to additional considerations, explanations.

In empathic listening, as a rule, they do not give advice, do not seek to evaluate the interlocutor, do not moralize, do not criticize, do not teach.

Seeing the world from the point of view of another is a very complex skill, and it is developed in different ways in people, moreover, in some this ability is underdeveloped. Empathic skills allow you to increase the effectiveness of interaction, but they, like concentration, require additional efforts from the participant in the interaction. At the heart of such skills is respect for the interlocutor, which begins with a view of a person not only as an object, but also as a person with his own values. Respect allows you to focus your time and energy on others and not on yourself.

In communication, empathic listening can be both effective if the speaker evokes positive emotions in the listener (joy, hope for the best, self-confidence, tomorrow, pleasure, satisfaction), and ineffective if the speaker in his own words evokes negative emotions in the listener (fear, anxiety, sadness, grief, disappointment, hopelessness, a sense of impasse). Consciously observing the interlocutor and asking yourself questions, you will be able to focus on the verbal and non-verbal aspects of the information, through which the emotional state of a person is more expressed.

Non-reflective listening. This type of listening involves minimal interference with the speaker's speech with maximum focus on it. The ability to be attentively silent, without interfering with the speaker's speech with his remarks and remarks, facilitates the process of self-expression for the listener and helps him to better understand the meaning of the transmitted information, to grasp what is behind the words. An important signal of such listening is a non-verbal reaction, i.e. eye contact, nodding or shaking the head, etc.

In communication, sometimes you have to listen to a person who is in a state of emotional affect, strong emotional arousal (for example, in a conflict). This is where non-reflective listening techniques come into play. In such a situation, the interlocutor, as it were, is not in the literal sense of the interlocutor, he is now just a person who does not control his emotions, is “obsessed” with something, is not able to capture the content of the conversation. First of all, he needs to calm down, come to a state of normal self-control, only after that communication with him can be continued.

In such cases, it is important to simply listen to the person, letting him know that he is not alone, that you understand and are ready to support. Experts believe that the emotional state of a person is like a pendulum: having reached highest point emotional intensity, a person begins to “go down”, calm down; then the strength of his feelings increases again, but, having reached the highest point, it falls again, and so on. If you do not interfere in this process, i.e. not to “swing” the pendulum additionally, then, having spoken out, the person will calm down and be able to communicate normally. At the same time, one should not be silent at all either, because deaf silence causes irritation in any person, and in an excited person this irritation will be intensified. Best of all, a reaction like: “yes-yes”, “well, of course”, “agree”, a nod of the head, etc. works best. Sometimes in such cases it is useful to "adjust" to the interlocutor, i.e. behave like him: repeat his words, emotions, reflect his gestures, facial expressions. But if it is naturally difficult to do this, then it is better not to try to adapt, since the interlocutor, noticing insincerity, will evaluate the partner’s actions as a mockery of his feelings.

Non-reflexive listening during communication allows the interlocutor who has problems (for example: stuttering, limited vocabulary, shyness, self-doubt, etc.) to concentrate and speak out. It is also effective in communicating with a person who is preoccupied with a problem, he is eager to express his point of view, attitude to something (for example, he asks you: “Listen to me to the end, and then tell me what you think about it and advise, How do I deal with this situation?" Non-reflective listening is also appropriate with those interlocutors who experience negative emotions, feel the intensity of passions and verbally “discharge”.

Listening techniques at this point are usually as follows:

• assent ("so", "yes", "well", nodding the head); - "echo reaction" (repetition last word interlocutor);
• “mirror” (repeating the last phrase of the interlocutor with a change in word order);
• “a couple of phrases” (transmission of the partner’s statements in other words);
• motivation ("Well, and ...", "And what's next?");
• emotions (“wow”, “ah”, “great”, “laughter”, “mournful mine”); - clarifying questions (“Repeat what you said?”); negative reactions:
• continuation or interruption of the speaker (when the listener breaks into speech and tries to complete the phrase, suggests words);
• logical consequences from the statements of the partner, for example, an assumption about the cause of the event, assessments, advice;
• “rude reaction” (statements like: “nonsense”, “all this is nonsense”);
• questioning (a question follows a question without specifying the purpose);
• neglect of the partner (the listener does not pay attention to his words, ignores the partner and what he wants to say).

A negative reaction during non-reflexive listening should not be used, you should also not ask clarifying questions and say: “Calm down, don’t worry, everything will be fine” - this can cause an outburst of indignation or frustration in a partner, in this state the interlocutor cannot adequately understand these words, they resent him, it seems to him that his problem is underestimated, that he is not understood. If the partner’s emotions are directed directly at you, then the main task is not to get infected with them, not to fall into the same state of anger that can lead to a violent conflict or “showdown”.

Active reflective listening. The type of listening in which the reflection of information comes to the fore is called active reflective listening. Reflective listening involves analyzing the information received in the process of listening and instantly responding to it with the help of questions or replicas. Reflection (from Lat ge/lex!o - reflection) is the process of self-knowledge by the subject of internal mental acts and states; the process of thinking a person about what is happening in his own mind; propensity for introspection. This type of listening in communication is considered the most constructive. Here, such an organization of interaction is carried out in which partners understand each other better: they speak out more and more meaningfully, check and clarify their understanding of information, the degree of mutual understanding.

The most common techniques that characterize active listening are constant clarification of the correct understanding of the information that the interlocutor wants to convey to you by asking questions like “Did I understand you correctly, what? ..”, paraphrases “So you want to say ...” or "In other words, you meant...".

The use of such simple communication techniques allows you to achieve two goals at once:

1. adequate feedback is provided, which allows to eliminate barriers, distortion of information, demonstrate empathy, sympathy, desire to help, there is confidence that the information transmitted by the interlocutor is correctly understood;
2. indirectly, the interlocutor is informed that he has an equal partner in front of him.

Taking an equal partnership position means that both interlocutors must be responsible for their every word. This goal is usually achieved faster than the first, especially in those cases when you are dealing with an authoritarian, tough interlocutor who is used to communicating from a “pedestal” position. The use of active listening skills will greatly help someone who is characterized by the position of a “victim”: in this way, he not only knocks the authoritarian interlocutor from his usual position, but also raises him to the level of an equal conversation with a partner, makes it possible to focus on the essential points of the conversation, and not on his own experiences and fears.

In communication, not only words, but also gestures can have several meanings, and, accordingly, listeners can be understood differently. There are situations when the speaker, especially when excited, gets confused in words, gives too much vent to feelings that are expressed in confused gestures - all this can distort the meaning of statements so much that the speaker himself ceases to understand what he actually wanted to say.

Some people, afraid to speak directly and openly or to be misunderstood, to seem ridiculous, stupid or strange, to face condemnation, disapproval, prefer to maneuver words, pile them up to confuse, hiding the true motives of their speech, and create incredible difficulties for the listener. Many prefer to talk about the information that is most important to them only when they are sure that they will be heard, tried to understand and will not be judged. This is especially true for young people who, having once opened up to someone, did not meet mutual understanding and stopped believing in adults, parents and teachers.

In order to ensure understanding, the hearer must use the means to let the conveyor (the speaker) know exactly what is perceived accurately and what is distorted so that he can correct his message and make it even more understandable. It is this exchange of direct and feedback signals that constitutes the process of active reflective listening.

The listening style of each person depends on many factors: gender and age, status, individual characteristics(character, temperament, interests, etc.), from a specific situation.