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We often wear masks: at work, on the street, talking with friends and acquaintances, sometimes we don’t even take them off at home. Some of them are like us as two drops of water, others are strikingly different from us real. Let's figure it out why do we need these psychological superstructures and what disadvantages they may have.

So why do we need masks at all? in different life situations we play different roles and this must be taken into account. If you are at work strict boss When you come home, you have to readjust yourself so as not to behave the same way with your family. Conversely, if you treat subordinates as if they were your own children, there will be no benefit from this.

In my opinion, wearing masks is not bad at all, at certain points in life they are very much needed. Well, is it bad to smile at a child, even if the cat itself is scratching at heart? Or to cheer up your loved one when you are scared yourself?

With the help of masks, you can solve some psychological problems. There is even a practice role therapy, during which people are encouraged to get used to various roles in order to overcome their fears.

The masks themselves are just a tool, they can be used for both good and bad purposes. And if we use masks only in the name of good, then what's the problem? It turns out that here There are some complications that should be avoided.

Imposed masks

It happens that we use some kind of masks or behaviors not because we like them, but because they are imposed: by colleagues, environment, close people. For example, parents from childhood brought up leadership qualities in a child, and he got used to putting on a leader's mask. At the same time, it is quite possible that a person does not want to pretend to be a leader at all, but he uses this model of behavior out of habit. And when our behavior goes against our true desires, it inevitably has a negative impact on the psychological state. Dig into your "home dressing room", see which masks you absolutely do not need - maybe it's worth it without a twinge of conscience to take them to the trash?

Should everyone like it?

Often we put on masks to please other people, especially often this happens with new acquaintances. I have noticed more than once how people who seem almost perfect at the beginning of communication, after a long acquaintance, lose a good half of their charm. The natural desire to please makes us hide character flaws and emphasize virtues.

On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with that. But, on the other hand, it turns out that others do not like us, but our masks, and with closer communication it becomes obvious - we can’t wear a mask all the time. So is it worth spending so much time and energy on people who don't like the real us? After all, our friends and loved ones love us the way we are, with all the advantages and disadvantages.

Do we want to be better or to seem?

Another reason people wear masks is because they often strive to be better than they really are. We are all brought up on the same principles. we want to do the right thing, not the easy way, to be kind and not evil, sympathetic and not insensitive. Some people do it better, others worse, but almost everyone wants to seem good. So, maybe we should try to change what we don’t like about ourselves, and not just habitually wear "good" mask?

Well, a little about sincerity

And what about sincerity? Often open, sincere behavior looks much more attractive than all of our prettiest masks. T so if you can afford to be sincere, be.

And finally, a funny approach to masks, which was formulated by the famous surrealist artist Salvador Dali: "If you start playing genius, you will certainly become one!" And he did succeed!

Really, when we get used to depicting some qualities, they often become part of our character. So we have a lot to learn from our own masks.

What kind of masks do you wear? Do you think masks are good or bad?

A mask, a disguise is not a completely natural behavior or facial expression that hides something that is undesirable for display.

Mask - protection from excessive communication and other mental influences. This is a departure from communication at the level of formal interaction with other people.

Each mask can correspond to a certain theme of thoughts; what the mask thinks about can be suggested by fixation of the gaze, body position, hand gestures.

Masks interfere with communication, but help pastime. If you want to understand people, give up most of your masks, of which more than half are outdated and are an additional burden in communication. Don't be afraid to show your face, often people are so busy with their mask that they won't see it anyway, don't be afraid that someone will harm you if you practice this. The less masks involved in your behavior, the more natural and pleasant it is for others. In communication, try to help the interlocutor see the reflection of his mask, often this can significantly improve your relationship with him.

The mask hides the face.

The closer the mask is to the face, the more it looks like it.

The mask is the shape.

Two identical masks do not live side by side.

Masks define our roles, and our roles define our masks.

Surprise takes off the mask, and love takes it off.

You can open the mask for yourself by looking into her eyes.

Mask! Do I know you!

There are a lot of people, but few masks, so you can see your mask on another.

Every mask needs a mirror, but not every mirror needs a mask.

Masks are removed or changed.

It's easier to see without a mask.

Who wants to change finds a remedy, and who does not want to find a reason.

The fewer masks, the more natural the behavior.

Collection of masks

Revealing and analyzing masks, roles, scenarios is a difficult and interesting thing. To begin with, a small list from the collection of masks. Try to continue it and describe each mask. Collection of masks: "Concerned", "Thinker", "Sage", "Merry", "Prince (Princess)", "Honored Pensioner", "Cool", "Lucky", "Pierrot", "Jester", "Good-natured" , "Poor Man", "Naive", "Vanguard", etc.

The name of the mask is often the same as the name of the role.

Personal roles and masks

Masks fetter and hide I, personal roles give freedom and develop. At the same time, in the process of mastering, almost any personal role for some time turns out to be a slightly alien and interfering mask, only with time becoming a convenient tool of the Self or even its natural part. See →

From the Sinton website

common craze modern psychology- to advise "be yourself." Is it necessary to strive to seek the true self, or is it better to learn how to effectively use a set of masks? “The mask is an ambiguous thing. On the one hand, this is a lie. On the other hand, it is a necessity, - says Oleg Novikov. - Probably, it is important to distinguish between social, for example, service relations, and human, personal. A mask in society can be part of a ritual, a necessity. The mask in personal relationships can be part of the deception and the beginning of the war. I do not believe in a universal recipe in this area. The mask has unpleasant features. The mask sticks, the mask is often put on out of fear, and then they are afraid to take it off. The mask is often mistaken for their real face. But the mask is always poorer. And the face under it, sorry, sometimes deteriorates. By wearing it all the time, we lose ourselves a little... On the other hand, by removing the mask at the wrong time, we sometimes force people to see what they would not like to see. Sometimes we show what we would not like to show. In any case, there is no single answer. Discretion is required: both from the one who wears the mask, and from the one who deals with this person. "Any person, when he communicates with someone, he communicates from the position of some image, - Igor Nezovibatko believes. - I am a lot of different images. There are images that are adequate in this situation, useful, and there are images that are inadequate - incorrectly applied, or taking away a lot of strength and energy from a person, or those that do not lead to the goal.In a more developed person, the set of images is more interesting and diverse, and they are richer, more diverse, in a less developed person - less diverse, more primitive. Therefore, how much do you need to open them or not? Rather, you need to create that set of images that leads to the goal, does not take a lot of strength and energy, does not exhaust a person. They are needed if they help to go to the goal. "

For almost 10 years of my life, starting at the age of 22, I was unhappy, like any person who is deprived of the right to be himself is unhappy.

During the years of study, everything was fine: I was smart, I got the usual “five” and, as an excellent student, did not arouse any suspicion in anyone.

An excellent student at school is the norm, and after that I entered the foreign language, where there was 1 boy per 100 girls, and not a physics or mathematics department, where a student girl, according to stereotypes, cannot be smarter than boys.

All that I had in my asset was harmless women's linguistics and school girl's fives. If a boy is an excellent student, he is considered smart. If a girl is an excellent student, she is considered diligent, responsible and diligent.

Although I did not have responsibility, diligence and perseverance from the word "absolutely". I never crammed anything, and I did my homework during the break, which came right after the lesson at which they were asked. The main memory of myself at school is standing at recess in front of the office and scribbling something in a notebook, waiting for us to be let into the class.

Not from increased responsibility, I rushed to write “homework”, without even leaving the school, but in order to get rid of it as soon as possible, to come home absolutely free from lessons, assignments, fall on the sofa and read. Well, or drag yourself to the choreography, after which - again - fall on the sofa and read, and not disassemble the words in composition in a notebook, highlighting the root, prefix, suffix and, perhaps, the ending with a pencil, not a pen. For some reason, it was impossible to draw an arc, a square, an inverted V, and two adjacent sides of a rectangle with a pen.

How it was impossible to write in a notebook in bad handwriting and cross out. The marks were lowered for corrections. Don't get carried away, don't take on too much. First write in draft, check, and only then rewrite carefully in a notebook.

Yes schzzz! I never wrote anything on a draft, and the teachers forgave me for my illegible handwriting and even for crossing out, which they did not forgive anyone else. They felt in their guts: it’s better not to blow me up, because if I open my mouth on my well-read head, their exaggerated authorities will fly into hell.

At the university, I looked at the failed teachers as shit. All smart girls, after graduating from a foreign language, dumped in London, the States or Moscow. At the department, there were completely downtrodden clowns who felt more or less confident only within the walls of Alma Mater and lived in squabbles because of scientific publications on linguistics.

If these publications were related to science, I would treat the teachers with respect, but the retellings of other people's thoughts, discoveries, and research, designed in the form of dissertations, had a different purpose - to get an increase in the rate and a place in the examination committee. And they did not bring, of course, anything new to mankind.

However, the cathedral chickens didn’t touch me either, they didn’t poison me, they didn’t upset me, they didn’t underestimate my grades, they didn’t spread rot for my mind. Firstly, being limited beings, they could not see it in others, and secondly, it was written on my forehead that I did not apply for a place in the department, and, therefore, I was not a potential competitor for them in the pursuit of hours and allowances.

In short, until the age of 22 I was smart and did not hide it. There was no need. And at the age of 22 I came to the factory, and there the sky in diamonds opened up to me.

Together with me, guys settled in the department - the same as me, "zeros" with no work experience. However, they were given a higher salary by default, and this despite the fact that I graduated State University, knew two foreign languages, and their diplomas were issued by local sharashkin offices. Such injustice was explained simply: I am a woman.

There was an unspoken policy at the factory: a peasant's business was to feed his family, a woman's business was to get married.

Women were paid less and were rarely given leadership positions. Few of us have been able to move up the career ladder above the head of some lousy department. In my memory, there were only three such women: one was the wife of the director of the plant, the second was sent from above from Moscow, the third was the chief accountant - a position purely women's and jurisdictional.

Being smart, I quickly figured out: in an environment where they call me Lenochka, it’s better not to be smart, but to silently do your job, bringing yourself closer to your goal - a five-hour call announcing the end of the working day.

Then there was another job, already in Moscow, where it was also advantageous to appear more primitive than I am. Think less, pretend to be active, not be lazy and go on business trips and, most importantly, be less smart.

Do you think big companies are run by big minds? Not at all. Maybe someday and somewhere these people were intellectuals, but once they got into the management system, they began to manage. And management, no matter how sad it is to admit it, does not imply intelligence, but skills. A smart subordinate is dangerous, a smart boss is demanding. Therefore, no new ideas are needed in the system for nothing, but a suspended language is needed, behind which the absence of thoughts is hidden. I piled stamps in front of the Board of Directors, and everyone is happy. The loot is dripping.

Tired. She sat down to write what she had always dreamed of. Started a blog. Slim, smart. Nobody cares. Two smart person, for which we thank them, literally repeated the classic:
Lena, maybe it's not bad, but it's too smart. The people won't understand. Grow first, build an audience - those who are on the same wavelength with you, those who understand the unspeakable, reading you between the lines.

She brought Malvina Olegovna - outrageous, instincts of a selfish, narrow-minded, but grasping bitch. The blog went off the rails. Has grown into what you are reading now. Books went flying, found their reader. I began to quietly write what I think - seriously, meaningfully, about the sick and important. I'm waiting for people to understand me between the lines.

I do not complain about fate, I do not pay attention to the attacks of nonentities who got themselves a woman in order to finish in her mouth, and believe that a woman is not capable of more than sex food and bearing. What to do if society is so arranged, well, do not really fight with mills, trying to prove that you are not a camel. But I am happy that now I do not need to wear a mask alien to myself, hiding behind it the true state of affairs with my mind, feelings and experiences.

Few of us manage to live without hiding under a veil. Everyone is dependent on a husband or boss, neighbors or girlfriends. Well, really - you start talking to your friends in the language of your thoughts, so what will happen to them? They hide under the table, get scared. They'll say they replaced Lena, give us that bitch back. It's great that I solved this problem, getting rid of unnecessary people who do not understand me, and finding those with whom you can even be silent.

Believe me, no goodies are worth the fact that you have to hide your essence. This is always lost time, which, I am sure, any person before death will remember with regret. Hear me, believe the one who has found what you are afraid to even think about.

I lost almost ten years to be accepted by a society that, in principle, is not ready to accept smart women who are also young and attractive. No, we are not completely savages: we look favorably on smart pensioners, and on smart ugly people too. But smart, young and pretty - this is too much, too much, it doesn’t happen, and if she is also rich, then she definitely “sucked”, “literary blacks write for her” and “we don’t understand her, which means she - - stupid".

Fuck this society. At some point, I got tired of bending under it and simplifying myself. I spat on him and healed the way I want, hiding nothing. It's not ready, you see? Well, figs with him! I choose to be outside of it, but myself rather than in it, but someone else, some other person.

Only those who have been deprived of the right to be themselves and have gained this right are able to feel the meaning of the phrase: "Happiness is to be yourself." It really is, believe me. Do not trust mi, pigs, but just believe. This is indeed the greatest happiness possible - life without a mask.

Well, to dilute the seriousness of the topic, tell me about your masks, at least laugh.

We all wear masks for different reasons. Some masks we put on because that's what we really want to be. Some we wear because we can't accept what's underneath or because someone needs to see us that way. And we wear some masks in order to stay in the shade, but there is one drawback in wearing masks: they can be torn off at any moment ...

“What do women want?” - sooner or later every man asks this question, and everyone is at a loss. He tries to solve a complex puzzle of difficult female logic, especially if there is an interesting object nearby. From this moment the game of masks begins. Sometimes it captures, it becomes so easy that you yourself don’t know where reality is and where fantasy is. But the game can also be difficult, forcing you to periodically step over yourself, driving you into despondency and depression. In any case, this is just a game, and over time everyone gets tired of it ... Many people naively believe that pretense and masks are just a woman's privilege. I do not want to disappoint anyone, but men often use such means to conquer girls' hearts. Sometimes, their masks are ridiculously obvious, but women believe in fairy tales and are ready to be deceived in the hope that they have met their handsome “prince”.

Are you looking for a good psychotherapist? Visit the page of my psychological office. " " I will try to help you!

All girls have different ideals, but globally, the evaluation criteria are quite similar. As a rule, representatives of the beautiful half of humanity want to see next to them a strong man who is self-confident, noble, generous, delicate, gentle, and capable of beautiful deeds. Well, a smart man will try to be just like that: he will give a coat on the way out, open the door to his lady, look after her, be kind and gallant. Any female representative cannot but appreciate such a reverent appeal to herself, and the ice in her heart will slowly begin to melt. But as soon as the "fortress" is conquered, the outer "tinsel" disappears. There are fewer calls, flowers are given less and less, and instead of restaurants, the man offers to stay at home and watch TV.

Unfortunately, such changes cannot but upset a woman, because you want an eternal fairy tale, a constant “bouquet and candy” period, and a “prince”, always dressed with a needle. But, if at first we see only the shell of a person, then over time, when the mask of the mute gets bored, we manage to see his “insides”, revealing a lot of new, no less pleasant qualities. It is quite possible that everything new that you will see will more than overlap the initial opinion about a person, both in a good sense and not very much.

In addition to the “prince” mask, there is also a “melancholic” mask. This will be a man who has survived a lot, tired of the difficult trials of fate, a man who has lost faith in his own abilities. Most likely, behind this mask is a person who is very afraid of being uninteresting and easily accessible, so he came up with the image of a certain martyr for whom a woman, in the literal sense, can become a “lifeline”. On the one hand, this type is a kind of variety, but everything is good in moderation. There is hardly a girl who is ready to constantly act as a "vest", solve her man's problems, and pull him out of depression. Sooner or later, she herself will want to find a “strong shoulder” to lean on. Imagine how disappointed she will be when she learns that her beloved “martyr” is able to wash the cup himself, vacuum the carpets, and the world does not collapse.

Not just how popular among the stronger sex is the mask of romance. If a beautiful stranger sunk into the soul of such a young man, then believe me, he will do everything, but he will achieve it. There will be a million scarlet roses, and serenades under the windows, and a candlelit dinner, and spontaneous gifts. But such an ideal life partner will stay with you exactly as long as his romantic ideas last. As a rule, the supply is limited and as soon as it runs out, he will find a new victim and the game will start again. After all, such men do not fall in love with you, they only like the emotions that they give you. If the “disguiser” still prefers to stay with you, then don’t be upset if one fine morning you don’t find a bouquet of roses or breakfast on your nightstand, this does not mean that life is over, it only indicates that the mask has been torn off and you have to meet a new person.

Another male mask is a macho tempter. He will be laconic, but will not forget to once again hint at his masculine strength and emphasize physical virtues. On the one hand, why not, if it is really that good, then you should use it while you have the opportunity, but on the other hand, something stops you. After all, intuition correctly suggests: a real macho will not stick out his insides, and tell what a great lover he is right and left, he will rather prove it in practice. Therefore, it is worth considering whether your “pseudo-macho” will turn out to be an offended boy who simply needs free ears to talk about all the troubles that have fallen on his hard lot.

Many will agree that the most repulsive mask for men is the mask of a rude dork who makes vulgar and rather offensive jokes, and is periodically and frankly rude. Such behavior is designed to put the object you like into a stupor from undisguised cynicism and aggression, after which the victim becomes more accessible and surrenders without a fight. Despite cultural progress, this behavior is still found among men. Its representatives go against the standard scheme, if usually a person shows his the best sides and qualities, in this case, he is trying to demonstrate all the most vile and disgusting character traits, according to the principle: “If you love me like such a monster, then I will also be nice to you as a prince!”. But not every girl has the strength to get to the bottom of the bright and pure side of her chosen one, many will leave without even trying to find out if he has it at all.

Having dismantled each mask, one involuntarily wonders why they are needed at all. After all, no one can wear it forever. Sooner or later you will stumble, revealing your true face. And it’s not a fact that your so-called “half” will be delighted with the real you. So maybe you shouldn’t waste your time or hers playing giveaway, but look for the one who also loves karting, not ballet, and will be happy to stay at home instead of going to a social event.

Often people believe that they are the feelings they are experiencing. And the masks in relationships and the normal psychology of relationships are one and the same.

If you put aside your feelings, who will you be? How do you distinguish yourself from others?

If you have the personality of a “good soul”, you must constantly maintain this opinion of yourself in others. They are simply “obliged” to do good deeds, even when they don’t feel like it. If you stop being kind, you won't know who you are.

If the individuality of the "evil gorgon", each outburst of anger confirms your "self". Losing your anger is like losing yourself. Therefore, malicious outbursts are constantly repeated. Without them, you are nothing!

"Kindness", as well as "anger" does not serve the situation, but your personality - these are masks in relationships. The role in the carnival of life that you have chosen.

Someone is the eternally sad Pierrot, someone is the cunning rogue Harlequin, someone is the cheerful coquette Colombina. It seems to you that without a simulated template, you will immediately dissolve in the crowd, mingle with others. Disappear!

Ask yourself a question:

• WHO ARE YOU ON THE STAGE OF LIFE?
• WHAT WOULD YOU BE IF YOU REMOVED THE MASK?
• WHO IS HIDING BELOW IT?

You, wearing masks on yourself in a relationship, are afraid to admit that in fact, deep down, you want to be loved exactly by you. This is a complex collision:

• on the one hand, you are a mask,
• on the other hand, there is someone else under it whom you do not want to show.

So fused with their identity that it seems impossible to exist without it. At the same time, you suffer because of the substitution. The created image replaces you, and you have not fully come to terms with it.

The partner, most likely, also supports the artificial image. At the same time, both - veiled or explicitly - demand understanding from each other.

In fact, marriage in most cases is a game of masks. Try to start by sharing your flaunting image, revealing your face to your partner.

What's scary? After all, he is accustomed to perceive your mask. And then suddenly you take it and ... take it off. Voila! Here's the real me! Please love and respect.

You break the alliance of masks by opening the visor first. And this is a serious step towards real unity and frank relations.

Remember the famous story of Angelique and her husband Comte de Peyrac, replicated in the cinema? Instead of the count, his friend came to the wedding ceremony, a handsome young amiable man, who liked the bride very much. And then she finds out that she actually married a lame sorcerer with an ugly scar on his face! But precisely the lame sorcerer Peyrac became her greatest love. Because he did not pretend, but was himself.

The tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it ...

So what do you choose: masks in relationships or openness and real feelings?

The next articles will be even more interesting. Stay with me!