Rules for Achieving a Goal [How to Get What You Want] Richard Templar

Stop making excuses

It is not easy to make contact with people who do not want to cooperate. And in fact, it is very difficult to have time to do something important by the deadline if you work around the clock. Not to mention how difficult it is to free an evening when you have kids. Or quit smoking just when life is especially full of stress. Or lose weight for Christmas. Or... Stop! Enough! I've heard it all before, more than once!

Look, I don't really care if you do it or not. I don't want to get new position/ establish a personal life / get attention / organize a wedding ceremony / go on vacation / meet a girl / have a baby / have a fantastic body. You either want it or you don't. If you want, you can find reasons to do it, not just another excuse. Do you know why some people seem to get everything they want? This is because they do not sit around, hoping that what they want will fall on them from the sky. They act despite all the obstacles that might hinder them. They work without looking up and don't take no for an answer.

So let's not look for excuses anymore. If getting what you want was easy, you'd have it by now. But the bottom line is that it's not easy. If we save at the sight of the first obstacles, we will never get anywhere. That's it, the lecture is over. That's better. Get a grip and let's get down to business.

This text is an introductory piece.

— Negative impacts answers for a person
- 17 new excuses for all occasions
- saving excuses

1) A person loses the ability to change.
When you start blaming circumstances and everyone except yourself for mistakes and failures, you aggravate the situation even more. You fall into the trap: you waste the opportunity to change yourself in better side. The idea is firmly rooted in the mind that you are always absolutely right in everything, this world is so bad, people are like that.

Why would you change if you're okay. But in fact, everything is quite the opposite - everything is in order with the world and people, and your troubles are 100% created by you. Realize the fact that you are 100% responsible for your life. When you blame everyone but yourself and look for all sorts of excuses instead of admitting that it was your fault, you are closed to change, which means that the road to success is closed to you.

2) A person loses control over his own life.
People who believe they are in control of their own lives are happier than those who believe that someone else is in control of their lives. Lack of control causes irritation and a feeling of dissatisfaction in a person. They constantly experience inner tension because they believe that other people can influence the result of their work. When you think that someone is in control of your life, you lose control of own life and become a puppet in the hands of circumstances and other people.

3) Lowers one's own self-esteem and worsens the image of oneself.
When a loser makes a mistake, he starts looking for an excuse. Why? To save one's face in front of others and in front of oneself. When an excuse is found, he has no problem starting to use it next time. For example, "I'm too young, I have little experience" or "I'm too old, I don't think so fast anymore." After each repetition of the excuse, it is absorbed into our subconscious deeper and deeper, and this idea begins to be realized in reality.

In the beginning, when a person uses an excuse, he realizes that he is telling a lie. But as it is repeated, the person really becomes what he talks about. All your excuses have a real response to you. Thus, you get low self-esteem. Losers don't have the courage to say in their hearts, "Yes, that's my fault." For others, you can invent anything, and they will believe, but it is important that you say to yourself.

4) Acquires anger.

5) Feels his own helplessness.

- 17 new excuses for all occasions

1) My child turned the juice onto the laptop, all the files were covered. And in the cloud, where in theory everything is copied, nothing was copied. For some reason.

2) I did my act in a state of passion.

3) The flight was delayed. And they canceled. And landed at another airport.

4) The ATM ate the card. There was no cash.

5) My battery is dead.

6) My smart alarm clock decided that it is better not to wake up in this phase of sleep.

7) The courier was late, I had to wait.

8) I was late because the car was towed. And then the navigator took a stupid route. And there is a rally! Traffic jams!

9) Oh, I didn't see your letter. It must have landed in the Spam folder.

10) I have no money, you know, I have a foreign currency mortgage.

11) You need to leave early: the nanny violated the migration regime, and she was expelled from the country. You have to sit with the kids.

12) Performed deadlift - lost consciousness.

13) I was waiting for your message in Viber, and you wrote in WhatsApp. I thought you were going to send a letter, so I didn't even look at Facebook.

14) The Internet suddenly cut off.

15) I took a psychoactive drug recommended by a doctor. And he had these side effects.

16) The cat gnawed the cord from the electric razor - I had to run to the store for disposable machines.

17) Could not work: the computer was installing updates.

We come up with all these excuses because we are afraid that others will think badly of us. makes us come up with more and more excuses.

- saving excuses

Often have to get out of various situations using excuses and excuses. And sometimes they need to be invented very quickly. The main purpose of their application is the full or partial shifting of the blame for one's own misconduct to some circumstance or a non-existent person. We will try to compile a small file of excuses for the most common cases.

1) Being late somewhere.
a) Traffic jams.
b) Could not lock the apartment door.
c) A passing car splashed mud and I had to go home to change.
d) The clock is behind.

Of course, these are not all options for excuses, but we will not be able to describe even half of the possible ones.

1) Forgot about something.
a) I just remembered this.
b) I was distracted.
c) I wanted to know if you remember this.
d) There was no time to even think about it.

It is possible that your friend will understand this and forgive. You probably noticed that in this situation there is practically no such excuse that would completely remove all the blame from you. And indeed it is. It seems to us that it is best to honestly admit one's guilt and, perhaps, slightly reduce it with an excuse.

1) Lied.
Didn't want to upset.
It was embarrassing to admit.

2) If you don't want to go to a friend's house for a holiday.

There can be many reasons why you don't want to go to a friend's house. Everyone has their own, so we will not list them. But, as a rule, these reasons are not valid for the one who invites. So, you need to lie again.

3) If you need to gently refuse a date.

We will take for example a situation where a girl wants to tactfully refuse a guy. This will make it a little easier.
a) I have an important task today.
b) Sorry, I'm busy.
c) I don't feel well.
d) Let's do it sometime next time.

1) If you don't want to do something.
a) I can't do it.
b) I won't be able to do it.
c) I don't have time for this.
d) Come tomorrow.

1) If you want to hide your age.
Rather, hide your passport, medical policy, marriage certificate and anything that can give you away! I'm not kidding. Since you have decided to go for such a global lie, then accept all its consequences. Also, don't forget to remove wrinkles. They will turn you in at the first opportunity. But most the best option will modestly keep silent about his age. As the song says, "My years are my wealth." And boasting of wealth is indecent.

If you now carefully look at all these examples, you will see that there is nothing in them that could be boasted of. All this is a lie for oneself, in the name of satisfying one's own selfish needs. And who will take care of us better than ourselves? Still, don't be proud of the lie and try to use it as little as possible. This is especially true in cases where friends have to refuse.

The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site

Before proceeding, dearest brothers, I will tell you thematic story about my friend. There is little instructive in it, but it painfully fits this topic. My bosom friend, let's call him Izya Kamushkin, in the years joint work at one very dubious enterprise, he took it into fashion to be late for workplace every single day. Each time, Izya managed to come up with excuses - sometimes exquisite, like French cuisine, sometimes trivial, like Rolton. One way or another, the authorities were extremely annoyed by Izin, which did not bother him at all.

Izzy's brain lived a completely separate life from Easy's. Sometimes they worked in harmony, like Chip and Dale: the brain spoke - Izya repeated. And sometimes the brain could completely stop working at the most necessary moment, when our hero, with the determination of a diesel locomotive, walked towards the girl. Only now, without a brain in Izin's head, the shell was a simple gopnik who did not know any words of love, or fear, or reproach. Therefore, Easy did not have a personal life, but there was a reputation as a pervert. But when it was necessary to come up with an excuse, Easy's brain improvised, as if inventing stories about incredible accidents and everyday nuances. The strangest thing is that no one understood whether this could actually happen. Therefore, they treated him not so much with disbelief, but with suspicion.

But one fine day, Izzy's brain, impressed by the protagonist's abnormal life, polluted by yesterday's alcohol and daily antidepressants, surpassed itself, giving out its " swan song in a world of excuses. The brain said the most vile and idiotic thing that could be said, justifying itself to his boss: “My grandmother crap on the floor! I cleaned! Or is it not a reason for you! Why Izya screamed - even his brain does not know. But everything was said exactly like that, word for word. Is it necessary to say that Izya was expelled from his workplace in disgrace?

Why do we need a story about a drug addict Kamushkin? Then, that it is very indicative in terms of errors. Of course, unforeseen situations happen to everyone, but if they happen too often, know that no one believes in your stories, and when something really serious happens, you are late or miss work, no one will believe you.

1. Relatives

Don't use your relatives and passport identities as an excuse. Too often a sick child can simply piss off the authorities, as a result of which they will offer you either to change the child or the place of work. The same story about the inspected relatives. Not parts. Remember, sick relatives either get better or die, so you won't be able to use them as a shield for long.

When I was small and stupid, my classmate came up with an elegant reason for his being late: "Daddy shaved for a long time." And you can not argue, the reason is vital. But now dad doesn’t take you anywhere anymore, and it’s ridiculous to blame the driver for shaving. As well as relatives who occupied the bathroom for a long time in the morning. Not only is it embarrassing to say, but also the authorities will not take the excuse seriously. Shit from the balcony, but even under the bed - but come to work on time.

2. Health

A very common excuse is a complaint about the digestive system. Like, he got poisoned, it pours out of his ass, like from a hose. I won't, boss! It is clear that it is easier to suddenly get poisoned than to suddenly fall ill with typhus. And if you catch a cold, you can go to work. So, don't use this option too often. He is on the leaderboard, almost everyone loves to use him. Leave until better times, when the situation will be completely hopeless. With all the crap you eat, food poisoning will come to you very soon. But don't be surprised when your boss, who hears this excuse every day, scolds you. Either carry a certificate, or be as eloquent as possible.

3. Utility problems

Communal problems like a suddenly broken tap and flooding of neighbors / neighbors make the authorities very angry. Although, on the other hand, you can’t prove it in any way, unless the authorities come to your house with a check. If cataclysms constantly occur in your home, this will begin to arouse suspicion. Therefore, not parts.

4. Road problems

The most common excuse is a traffic jam. The most trivial, but the most effective. True, in the event that you really have to get to work by a problematic route. Remember, a traffic jam is better than an accident. If you alternate traffic jams with accidents, then there is a chance that the boss will crush you himself, so as not to suffer.
In any case, it will not work to make excuses for traffic jams for a long time. You will be logically offered options: quit, change your place of residence, find another way and the so-called uterus of the solution to all “transport” delays - leave early. The combo from “family delayed - missed the minibus” sometimes works, but you can’t part with it.

5. Planning problems

It happens that you decided to go to the doctor, chose a date, signed up, but overslept the day before and, accordingly, missed work. And so I decided to use a trip to the doctor as an excuse, thinking that tomorrow you would have time to go through the procedures before work. But remember, what are the queues in such places. How would you not have to miss the whole day. Of course, you can imagine that you were sent to another doctor, but the authorities may get tired of such a sick worker.

6. Workaholism

Never say that "I decided to work at home in the morning, I got up early, but stayed up too long." The authorities believe that you should only work in the office, and in which case stay late or come early. After all, no one will believe you, even if it's true.

7. Study

If you combine study with work, don't use study as an excuse too often. For most bosses, hiring a student is like deciding whether to cut red or black wire. For them, your study is like a new friend, to whom you began to devote more time. Or like a lover. They absolutely hate her. For the first time, absenteeism for the sake of education will be forgiven, the second time too, the third time they will say that enough is enough, and on the fourth they will be ordered to pack up and leave. So do not waste money, because you will definitely have to resort to this method at least during the session.

There are three golden rules you must follow:
1. Your excuse must be realistic, without ridiculous "saving the kittens" stories. In our age, they don’t believe in humanism, even if you really take them off the tree.

2. I came up with an excuse - say it sincerely, but without screaming and indignation, blaming the boss for being an insensitive brute and cannot enter into a position. Your absenteeism and lateness are your fault. It's best to speak apologetically.

3. Never say that you are driving up if you are still at home. What if you get stuck in a traffic jam? What do you think then?

The question arises: how to come up with the perfect excuse? No way! Get it together, stop being late, and you won't have to invent anything.

Living together, despite all the advantages, brings many difficulties. An overly jealous woman can be suspicious and interrogations for every extra minute you spent away from home. And if you didn't manage to win back your right to spend time with friends on a fishing trip or anywhere else on the weekends, you should know how to come up with an excuse for your jealous half.

Excuse #1: Late at work

This excuse will work a couple of times, no more. If you haven't said it yet, go ahead. The most important thing is that you have this job. And, of course, so that you don’t smell of unfamiliar perfumes, and there are no prints of someone else’s lipstick on your clothes. Say something different next time. For example, traffic cops slowed down, there was a traffic jam on the roads, relatives arrived, and so on. These are all one-time excuses.

Excuse #2: Thanks for the trust

Arriving at three in the morning you meet a friend in a very excited state. Before you start making excuses tell her you're grateful for the trust. Girls in general are sentimental creatures - just give them the opportunity to talk about trust. Hug her, kiss her and move on. After that, even a very dubious phrase: “I was with friends” will cause much less suspicion.

Excuse #3: I'm sorry I got so distracted

This excuse will come in handy if you suddenly forgot to come on a date or pick her up after work. Do not mumble that it happened or you could not get behind the wheel while drunk - your reputation in her eyes will fall very sharply. First apologize, and then say that you have been forgetting a lot lately which worries you a lot. On the one hand, your admission of guilt, and on the other hand, your own imperfection will have a much more beneficial effect on her, and the conflict will be exhausted by itself. Well, a request to help get rid of absent-mindedness will encourage her to help. There is no room for anger here.

There is a small nuance: if on this day she planned to celebrate some important date, and you didn’t even think about the gift, you have two constructive ways out: to say that the gift is already ready, but this is a surprise that you need to go for; take her by the arm and take her to a jewelry store or a cell phone store. If you do not want to play up, choose the second option.

Excuse #4: I was ashamed to admit it

It's worth saying when she caught you lying. Another variant - "Didn't mean to upset you" but it's better to be honest at least this time. And sincere repentance almost always leads to forgiveness and reconciliation.

Let's face it, we all use excuses and excuses from time to time. This is such a “small, white, fluffy” lie that helps us out when, for example, we don’t feel like talking to a friend on the phone right now or even today to fulfill a promise given to our mother yesterday. Or in the morning you are horrified by the need to get up and trudge to work, and this is after a very successful party yesterday with friends! And some just don't hear the alarm clock in the morning. Of course, there are such unique people who wake up even before the alarm rings, and they, fresh and cheerful from the very morning, joyfully meet a new day. But these are very rare species that are on the verge of extinction. Most of us have difficulty waking up in the morning, always being late for something and therefore constantly making excuses. Interestingly, someone succeeds with brilliance, and such a young lady always easily comes out dry from the water. Why? Yes, because she knows how to justify herself correctly. Imagine, a good excuse will really help to remove the burden of guilt from you in the eyes of others. Therefore, it is worth learning to find a good excuse for yourself, and most importantly, learn how to present it correctly.

How to present an excuse

• Treat the person you're making excuses to with respect. Even try to give a compliment if it is appropriate and the situation allows. Say, for example: "Knowing your generosity, I count on indulgence." Or something like that, depending on the situation and how close your relationship is.
• Never mumble, do not “chew” sounds (“uh”, “mmm”). It won't give you credibility at all. On the contrary, it will immediately become clear that you are lying, and you will look very stupid. Speak confidently to convince the person to whom your excuse is intended.
• Stand up straight without slouching. The lowered head and shoulders serve as a non-verbal signal of your guilt. Don't forget about another non-verbal signal: shifty eyes or a look directed away from the interlocutor, they say that you are dishonest. So look directly into the eyes of the person you are talking to. Be confident, but speak in a slightly apologetic tone.
• Try to watch your facial expression. Smile or keep a neutral, calm expression - again, depending on the situation.
• If you are asked any questions related to your excuse, answer quickly, without long pauses. Otherwise, it will be clear that you are considering another pretext.
• Try to find reasonable and convincing excuses. If you let your imagination run wild, you can get caught up in a web of lies. Yes, and the excuses will look implausible. And do not forget later what you talked about, otherwise you will expose yourself.

How do you come up with a good excuse?

It's not often that we have a real good reason that can serve as an excuse. Most often you have to resort to "small, white, fluffy." It happens that brilliant excuses come to our mind right away: “I already went to the subway, but some guy who bought a cup of coffee from the machine accidentally splashed it on my blouse. So I had to come back to change.” Or: “An elderly woman fell on a frozen puddle powdered with snow. It looks like she broke her leg, and I called an ambulance and waited for her arrival. In extreme cases, like this: “It was impossible to get on the bus, and I took a taxi, and the taxi driver took me to the wrong address.”

But often finding a plausible excuse is not so easy. Banalities come to mind. When we need to take time off from work, we begin to put pressure on pity: we have to “bury” either our grandmother, or the dog, or goldfish. Or we start weaving and generally something awkward. Like a schoolboy who couldn't think of anything better to justify his absenteeism than to bring explanatory note"from dad", written by the truant's own hand. In short, anyone who makes excuses knows how difficult it is to come up with a good excuse. Let's try to find answers together!

Different excuses for different people and situations

Did not do homework? This is very bad! Try not to do that! True, there are really respectful situations that may seem disrespectful to an adult. For example, not every teacher will agree that the birth of kittens in your cat could be an excuse for the fact that you didn’t even remember about textbooks and notebooks yesterday. And how can a girl justify herself when nothing comes into her head except thoughts about a cute classmate who sent her a Valentine just yesterday? And in general, don’t tell a respected teacher that you preferred playing on the Playstation to studying such “interesting” formulas! Okay, let's think of something. Just don't try to say something like "the dog ate my notebook with my essay"! This hasn't worked in a very long time! It is better to give reasons related to some crisis situations in the family - for example, a brother or sister is in the hospital, it was necessary to take the necessary things. Or your grandmother got sick, you had to help her clean up, go to the grocery store and cook. Your aunt was detained at work, and you had to pick up your nephew from the nursery and look after him. In any case, the fact remains that emergency situations your help to family members will always be perceived as a significant justification.

How to take time off from work. It is better to create an “arsenal” of good reasons in advance so that at the right time you can justify yourself without much effort. Agree, with a sore head after a friend’s birthday, it’s hard to come up with something weighty and believable. Just keep in mind that at this age it’s no longer worth burying your grandmother for the twentieth time, it’s not worth acquiring ten brothers and sisters who are constantly sick. We have already mentioned some options for excuses for “big girls”, you can think of something else in the same vein. The main thing is that your excuses are still varied.

The car is an important tool in the formation of excuses. The car may stall halfway, it may break. It can be taken by a tow truck, it can be stolen (it is desirable, of course, that all this does not happen in reality!). The last one - car theft - can serve as an ideal reason if you need to take time off from work right in the morning without leaving your home. If you woke up and “didn’t find” a car under the windows, this not only means that you, of course, cannot come to work now, but you will also have to spend the whole day in the police (well, of course!). And then it turns out that our valiant law enforcement officers will find your car by 17.00, and tomorrow you will be able to safely drive it to work.

If you violated traffic rules. By the way, about the car. If you are stopped for some kind of violation, for any woman there is a simple but very effective remedy: burst into tears! Yes, just start crying like a baby; the male heart of a policeman will not stand it, and there is a very high probability that you will be released without a fine, only with a severe wagging of your finger. Just do not try to make sexual hints to the policeman if you don’t feel like crying or it doesn’t work out. Better offer money.

Last warning

At the end of this slightly frivolous article, I would like to say quite seriously: remember that you cannot make constant excuses your way of life. Than to make excuses endlessly, it is better to learn to be punctual. Of course, anything can happen, sometimes it is impossible to do without some excuses. Just keep in mind that some people know us very well and see right through. So sometimes it's better to tell them the truth.