The very word “self-esteem” already has its meaning. This is how we imagine and evaluate ourselves, our qualities and capabilities, our place among other people. That is, self-esteem is our subjective opinion about one's own personality. And unfortunately, this opinion is often wrong.

But the level of self-esteem directly affects the relationship of a person with others, as well as his exactingness towards himself and his attitude to his own achievements and failures. Adequate perception of oneself is the key to harmony and success in life. Whereas low self-esteem often becomes an insurmountable obstacle to a person's happiness. Indeed, how can you achieve something - be it professional or personal life, if you yourself do not believe in your own strength, consider yourself unworthy of the gifts of fate? ..

But even having reached certain heights, an insecure person can subconsciously destroy all this, believing that he simply does not deserve any life blessings. Thus, once again, and even with some sophisticated satisfaction, he is strengthened in a negative opinion about his own person.

Shyness, shyness, resentment, heightened self-esteem, jealousy, envy, lack of confidence in one's own attractiveness, fear of rejection or seeming ridiculous - all these are companions of low self-esteem. Now you understand why it is so important to increase it? We will talk about this. But first, let's figure out where this common problem "legs grow".

The main reasons for low self-esteem

There are three of them. First comes from childhood, like many of our personal problems. Young children are very suggestible, besides, they still do not know how to evaluate their own behavior. Therefore, they get an idea of ​​themselves mainly from the immediate environment, significant people for them. Mainly - through the reaction of parents to their actions. And if a child in childhood was constantly criticized (“sloppy”, “blunder”, “stupid”), pulled up, laughed at any manifestations of awkwardness, compared not in his favor with other children, the child willy-nilly imbued with a sense of guilt and believe that that he is bad. And having matured, he will already take on the role of his own critic, he will constantly scold himself and look for various shortcomings, most of them imaginary.

Another common parental mistake is the so-called tyranny of duties, when the child is persistently instilled, for example, "you must study only excellently", "you must unquestioningly obey adults." As a result, he develops a sense of hyper-responsibility, develops a model of a certain standard of behavior, in the embodiment of which the child will be good. But entering into adult life and realizing that it is impossible to implement this model in life, a person begins to think in terms of “since I cannot be perfect, then I am a nonentity”.

You can't blame your parents for your own problems for the rest of your life. A much more constructive approach is to prevent similar behavior with your own children. And this, believe me, will require a lot of effort from you, because the type of interaction "parent-child" is also formed in childhood, like self-esteem.

Second The reason is a midlife crisis. In the life of every adult, there inevitably comes a period when he begins to comprehend his life, to draw some conclusions. And if he finds them unsatisfactory, his self-esteem is subjected to a great test. In especially sensitive natures, it literally crumbles to smithereens. What is the reason for such a fatal midlife crisis? According to American psychologist James Hollis, at this time a person reconciles existing goals with those goals that he would really like to achieve. And it often turns out that the whole previous life was “not real”, that is, it passed under the pressure of stereotypes imposed from the outside - by parents or the environment. And in order to achieve harmony with oneself, a person must radically change the course of life.

And finally third the reason is the onset of the so-called black streak in life. A chain of failures and misfortunes (illness, divorce or parting with a loved one, dismissal or demotion, loss of loved ones) can plunge even the most positive and stress-resistant person into depression and, as a result, reduce self-confidence to the level “below the plinth”.

Self defense methods

Low self-esteem is not a sentence, it is not an innate, but an acquired and aggravated quality. It can and must be fought. The main thing is to realize that problems with self-esteem are just a way of thinking that has become a habit. You just got used to thinking negatively about yourself: “I won’t succeed”, “I don’t deserve it” ...

Meanwhile The quality of our life depends on the quality of our thoughts. Therefore, we need to radically change our own thinking. Somewhere I came across an ingenious phrase: “A diamond can think anything about itself, but this will not stop being a diamond. But if he thinks positively of himself, he will turn into a diamond.” To the very point.

Here are some tips for dealing with low self-esteem.

RECEPTION 1. Accept and love yourself for who you are.

When a person values ​​himself - this is the norm. It is out of love and respect for ourselves that our love for others and, on the contrary, those around us is born. Accept all your flaws and flaws (mostly far-fetched, I'm sure) as harmonious components of your personality.

And also realize the simple truth - there are no perfect people. It is a myth. So allow yourself to be imperfect. No one expects, and has no right to expect perfection from you in everything.

TAKE 2. Praise yourself

If you have succeeded, do not attribute it to luck, the good location of the stars, or a combination of circumstances. This is entirely your merit.

Therefore, find any, even a small reason and praise yourself, as your mother praised you in childhood for any trifle. You can even pat yourself on the head if no one is watching. Did you submit your work on time? Well done! Have you done homework with your child? Good girl! Did you have time to bake charlotte in the evening? Just perfection!

And how often does it happen? A woman outlines a list of ten cases for herself, she redid eight, and did not have time to do two. And he begins to engage in self-criticism, scolding himself for what the world is worth.

TAKE 3: Stop comparing yourself to other people

There will always be those who have more incomes, more caring husbands, more capable children, longer legs, etc. But believe me, there are also plenty of people who have achieved much less than you. And we must not forget that our vision of the success and dignity of other people is just ... our vision. The object of your envy may assess what is happening in his life in a completely different way.

It is much more useful to compare yourself yesterday with yourself today. And if the comparison is in favor of the latter, then the process of self-improvement is obvious.

TAKE 4. Allow yourself to be wrong

Stop sawing yourself for every mistake, and even more so to draw global conclusions from it about your own person, such as: “I just can’t fill out a declaration - I’m a useless worker”, “Burned cutlets - I’m a bad housewife.” Such an illogical generalization hits hard on self-confidence - the psyche feels an unfair attitude towards itself and is oppressed even more. In the end, if it suddenly gets colder in July, you don’t conclude that autumn has come ...

Not mistaken, as you know, the one who does nothing. Well, or a robot. Any miscalculation is an invaluable experience and a kind of springboard for subsequent achievements. We must not lament over our worthlessness, but analyze the mistakes made in order to try not to make them in the future.

RECEPTION 5. Do not depend on the opinions of others

What other people say or think about you, of course, plays some role, but their opinion does not define your essence, does not decide who you really are.

A person with adequate self-esteem perceives the opinions of others only as an additional factor, by no means the most significant. And he considers this opinion in the totality and time perspective. That is, he does not draw far-reaching conclusions from one carelessly spoken phrase, but collects information from several sources and for a certain period of time.

Learn to take criticism calmly, learn from it, learn from it, but firmly reject unwarranted generalizations or negative labels. If you cannot influence an overly critical person, then it may be worth considering limiting or even completely stopping communication with him. At least for a while.

TAKE 6. Learn to accept compliments

No need to respond to a compliment in the spirit of “yes, nothing special, just washed my hair” or “this dress is already a hundred years old.” By doing so, you kind of reject it and at the same time send yourself a message that you do not deserve praise. Therefore, worthily accept all the good that is said in your address. Remember how in the movie "Office Romance": "Lyudmila Prokofievna, you look great today!" “This is how I will always look now!”

TAKE 7. Get rid of the habit of scolding yourself

Think and talk about yourself as positively as possible. And for phrases like “here I am stupid (fat, ugly, etc.)”, pay yourself a fine, 100 rubles each. Then buy yourself some kind of outfit.

TAKE 8. Don't Complain About Life

Eternally whining people evoke pity in others at best, and contempt at worst. In addition, whining scares away not only people, but also luck.

TAKE 9. Help others

Without good deeds, a person fades away, he has nowhere to draw energy from. And nothing boosts self-esteem like a belief in one's own need. And it is not only and not so much about financial assistance. Look around, there are many people who need basic compassion. Just having a heart-to-heart talk with a friend who is having a hard time right now is already a big deal.

TAKE 10. Don't make excuses

Otherwise, you give the impression of a victim. If you are wrong about something, you can simply apologize, and then, if you see fit. But you do not need to explain the motives of your words or actions, if you are not asked about it.

Seraphim of Sarov said that “self-humiliation is more than pride,” in other words, low self-esteem is no less a sin, and perhaps even greater, than pride. If I am not the greatest, not the smartest, not the richest, then at least I will be the most stupid, the most insignificant. The main thing is that all the same "the most"! Agree, not the most attractive picture.

Therefore, make a list (at least mentally) of your merits and constantly replenish it with new items. And remember: a person who does not see and does not recognize his own merits is doomed, he has nothing to rely on in life, he has no respect for himself, he will not retain anything worthy. Such people are sure within themselves that their fate is to suffer, and not to be happy. You are not one of them, are you?

How we treat ourselves is how others treat us. Low self-esteem is a syndrome that can lead to serious problems both in your career and in your personal life.

1. Perfectionism

Perfectionism can be both a manifestation of low self-esteem and its cause. Perfectionist, striving for non-existent perfection or just high standards rarely gets satisfaction from his work and is therefore more susceptible to criticism. He strives to conform to the ideal image that he has created for himself, and, not achieving it, he experiences a feeling of disappointment in himself, up to contempt.

2. Speech

A person with low self-esteem constantly uses certain words in his speech.

Firstly, these are negative phrases expressing denial: “impossible, not sure, not ready, I do not have the appropriate knowledge; yes, but…”

Secondly, constant apologies. And thirdly, phrases that belittle the value of human actions and labor. Surely you are familiar with excuses: “I was just lucky”, “my colleagues did most of the work, and I just helped them”, and so on. People with low self-esteem do not perceive compliments and gratitude well, trying to immediately argue with praise and prove the opposite. Why? It's all about the guilt complex. It doesn't matter what. Perhaps the work was not done well enough in their opinion, or they made little effort to fulfill the request, even if they did it. Guilt is the next sign by which you can identify a person who does not think too much about himself.

3. Guilt

Feelings of guilt, like perfectionism, can be the cause of low self-esteem. As psychologist Darlene Lanser says, if a person feels deeply guilty and cannot forgive himself for this for a long time, he will constantly reproach himself for this, remind him of his “burden on his heart” and be constantly ashamed of his actions. Ultimately, he will lose self-respect and with it self-esteem.

The relationship can also be reversed. A person with low self-esteem suffers from constant self-criticism and is not able to adequately perceive the mistakes of the past. Hence the neurotic guilt in insecure people

4. Depression

According to a study by a doctor of psychological sciences, Lars Madslen, self-doubt can also be the cause of frequent depression or a constant bad mood. According to her, self-esteem is the key to both development and recovery from depression, which is considered a serious psychological problem.

5. Excuses

People with low self-esteem tend to justify others, even if their actions are contrary to all norms of behavior. Usually they argue that everyone has their own circumstances, that everyone can be understood. Psychologists explain this position as an attempt to avoid criticism, which can be encountered when judging others.

6. Lack of initiative

What really hinders people with low self-esteem in the professional field is the lack of initiative. Such a person, having received certain powers, will, at any opportunity, transfer them into the wrong hands. No wonder, because he is not sure that he will cope with his task, even if he is an “ace” in his field. In a dispute with an interlocutor, he is also unlikely to be able to defend his position, preferring to agree with his opponent.

7. Indecision

Such people are not ready to bear responsibility for their decisions. They generally prefer not to decide anything. Suddenly they make a mistake, and the decision turns out to be wrong. In this case, it will not be possible to avoid criticism. The worst thing for insecure people is criticism of loved ones: relatives, friends, whom they are afraid of losing. After all, this, in their opinion, will be the price for the wrong decision.

8. Trying to avoid conflict

"Not sure, don't go." This is the attitude of people with low self-esteem. They are ready to do anything to avoid conflict situations or tension between people. Everything should be harmonious, even if this is achieved through “white lies”, which sooner or later will lead to more serious problems.

9. Hostility

Meets and back side medals, when people with low self-esteem, on the contrary, show open hostility and cynicism towards others. This is just a variant of the defensive position, as they say: The best way defense - attack.

10. Fatigue, insomnia, headache

Symptoms of low self-esteem can be not only psychological, but also physical. According to psychologists, extreme self-disappointment leads to chronic insomnia, fatigue, and headaches.

Everyone around you is telling you that you deserve better. A friend invites you to classes at a flamenco studio, your mother offers to change your wardrobe... You timidly agree, muttering indistinctly that yes, it would be nice, and you will definitely, next time... What prevents you from following these tips right now? Maybe it's self-doubt. It's time for you to learn what low self-esteem is and how to deal with it.

You need to figure out how to get rid of low self-esteem if unpleasant things often happen in your life:

You can’t say “no”, you are afraid that your refusal will offend someone, put them in an awkward position, upset them. At the same time, you are not at all happy to fulfill these requests, and sometimes you are very annoyed that you could not refuse. When a person does something of his own free will, he enjoys it and is pleased with the result.

You care too much about other people's opinions. You worry that someone will talk bad about you, and you are ready to constantly give up your desires for the sake of public opinion. Not believing in your abilities, you are afraid to make a choice, you try to shift the responsibility onto others, asking, “What would you do?” The reverse side of this tactic is criticism of others, because they made the wrong choice for you. But you yourself perceive any comments painfully and see them only as proof of your inferiority.

You really don't know how to take compliments. Do you like to receive gifts and hear beautiful words in your address, but at the same time you feel like an unworthy of praise "deceiver". You are more accustomed to being a Victim - whining and complaining, counting on sympathy, not admiration.

You are too critical of your appearance: the color of your eyes, hair, waist width, height - all this, in your opinion, is far from ideal. Very rarely do you like yourself in the mirror.

You are unhappy with your environment. Psychologists have long noted that subconsciously insecure people surround themselves with those who constantly confirm their low self-esteem. In the event that you emphasize other people's shortcomings in order to feel better than others, you do not have good friends: they are repelled by your harsh criticism, and often envy and boasting.

If you find signs of low self-esteem in your behavior, take immediate action!

Self-doubt makes you gloomy and irritable, it is dangerous and can ruin your life.

First of all, low self-esteem prevents you from building a successful career and healthy relationships with people. An insecure person often refuses a difficult, interesting work out of fear that he will fail. Sometimes it is worth risking your fear and embarking on an adventure, taking on a new task, otherwise you will always be ahead of less capable, but more confident people. If you constantly think that nothing will work out, and you will not succeed, then you will never be able to show your talents and succeed.

Due to low self-esteem, you are afraid of losing love or friendship, and you constantly give in, give up your desires for the sake of someone else's interests. Instead of going to a cafe with a friend, you go with your loved one to a horror movie that he has long wanted to see. Of course, you can't be selfish and think only of yourself, but compromise is a two-way street. Constantly obeying someone else's opinion, you risk losing the respect of loved ones. You are always tense, tormented by anxieties and doubts, you sleep badly. This is very dangerous - this is how neuroses develop, and here you will no longer be able to do without the help of a specialist. In some cases, self-doubt leads to various addictions that destroy health and the psyche in the literal sense.

Constant stress that you experience can cause serious illness.

How to increase self-esteem?

You have already taken the first steps: you have found the main problem and found out why low self-esteem is dangerous. It's time to take action. You will be helped by simple actions that will completely change your life.

Down with perfectionism!

You must understand that ideal people do not exist, and stop reproaching yourself that something is far from perfect. Perfectionism is the other side of self-doubt. Stop telling yourself that if you can’t do it perfectly, there’s no need to start, and remember that athletes train for a very long time and make mistakes before achieving a result.

Conquer your fear

Get rid of the fear of loneliness that affects your relationships with people. The most valuable resource in a person's life is time. Sometimes being alone is very useful: it is an opportunity to relax, calmly make plans for the future and think about ways to implement them, to see new perspectives. Make a list of things that are important to you and never have time for. Instead of going to a boring fashion show with your friends, sit at home with an interesting book. If you like to cook, then find a new recipe and cook it for yourself.

To live life wisely, you need to know a lot.
Two important rules remember to start:
You'd rather starve than eat anything
And it's better to be alone than with just anyone.

Omar Khayyam

Don't praise yourself...

When dealing with low self-esteem, it is useful to praise yourself for any, even minor success. you decided difficult task? Great, let yourself enjoy the feeling of victory. The usual tidying up of the house should be a reason for joy: calmly and slowly make a cup of tea or coffee and sit in a beautiful and cozy kitchen or room, slowly, experiencing a sense of satisfaction from a job well done.

Accept compliments with dignity

Stop being embarrassed, mumble indistinctly that it somehow turned out that way, it’s better to calmly and with a smile thank you for the good words. You deserve them, no doubt about it! If you constantly deny your own successes out of false modesty, then they will simply cease to be noticed. When you begin to value yourself, your time and your work, the opinions of others will also change.

To build on your success in dealing with insecurities, find a job that you can do great.

You sang well as a child - try to go with your friends to a karaoke bar. If you like to draw, then sign up for an art studio. Perhaps you will surprise everyone with your talents, and in any case, you will enjoy and have many new experiences.

Be prepared for the fact that not everyone around you will support you in the fight against low self-esteem.

Perhaps your friend is used to being bright and witty against your background, and the boss is accustomed to loading the trouble-free "gray mouse" with additional work. Your man is sure that you are always waiting for him, and it does not matter that he is four hours late every time, because he decided to sit with friends, despite your plans for the evening. Such people can get in the way of you on the way to your goal. different ways: having long conversations about your shortcomings, making critical remarks about your appearance, and sometimes reproaching you that "you used to be better." That's a lie - you were just "easier to use". Such relationships should be broken off as quickly as possible without any regrets.

The article deals with the phenomenon of low self-esteem: general concept, causes and ways of correcting a person's opinion about himself.

To answer this question, we must first consider the general concept of self-esteem.

So, a person has two ideas about himself - "I" is real and "I" is ideal. The real "I" is a person's opinion about the present himself, about what he is. “I” ideal is what he would like to be.

Self-esteem characterizes the satisfaction of a person with his movement from the real "I" to the ideal. If self-esteem is high, then the person is close to his personal ideal, and when it is low, then he is infinitely far from it.

Self-esteem can be: adequate and inadequate. A person's self-esteem can be high, medium, or low.

Such self-esteem is not a problem for a person if he soberly evaluates himself, i.e. knows his strengths and weak sides and is aimed at harmonizing his personality and approaching the ideal "I".

Psychology considers only overestimated or underestimated self-esteem as a problem and considers it inadequate.

In our article, we will leave aside high self-esteem and focus on a person’s low opinion of his person and consider its main causes, signs and talk about how to deal with low self-esteem.

Our focus will be:

• men;
• women;
• children;
• teenagers;

Causes

In men

A man's self-esteem is made up of several factors:

1. social status. For a modern man, it is important what position he occupies in society, how much he is in demand. A man is much more painful than a woman is experiencing the lack of work and the inability to be realized in society, he suffers greatly from the inability to apply himself. Naturally, this affects his self-esteem.
2. . If a man feels like a specialist when his case is arguing, then this has a beneficial effect on his self-esteem. Otherwise, when a person has not achieved anything in the professional field, or he does not work in his specialty, then his assessment falls.
3. The ratio of successes and failures. It is also a very important factor influencing a person's self-esteem. The ratio of victories and defeats in the life of each person depends on his opinion about himself.
4. The opinion of others. If a man is vain and greedy for compliments, admiration and fame, then he will depend on public opinion. From what other people say about him.
5. The success of a man on the love front. The parameter is the last in the list, but not the last in value. For some men, for whom the attention of women is more important than their career, the recognition of others and even material wealth, it is failures on the love front that hurt the most, and the inability to create a strong and harmonious family greatly affects self-esteem.

Among women

A woman's self-esteem is made up of the same blocks as a man's, but their ratio is slightly different:

1. The success of a woman on the love front. For better or worse, for most women, self-esteem directly depends on their success in the bride market. Girls get very upset when no one looks at them from the guys.
2. Social status (marital status). For most girls social status focuses on their marital status. And a girl who is already over 20, 25, 30, but she is not yet married, is having a hard time with her loneliness, and self-esteem, accordingly, falls.
3. Opinion of others. Superficial girls or deep, one way or another, more men depend on the opinions of others. And even if women are independent, whole and strive for professional and personal self-realization, they still listen anxiously to the whispers of other people about themselves.
4. Competence or level of professionalism. For those women for whom the wedge light has not converged on men, family and children, professional self-realization is also very important, and they are very upset when society tries to impose on them the gender and social role of “mother”, “wife” or “lover” and bury them within these limits.
5. The ratio of successes and failures. Women are the least dependent on victories and defeats, because they are much more flexible than men in psychological terms. No matter how bad it is, they will still be able to cope with all the problems.

Thus, the reasons for the lowering of self-esteem in both men and women grow out of a discrepancy between what is and what a person wants, i.e. between the real self and the ideal self.

Guilty of disharmony can be either one of the parameters stated above, or their group. Variations of discrepancies are so diverse that it is impossible even to count them.

Teenagers

The leading needs of a teenager (age period from 11 to 17 years) are:

• thirst for acceptance;
• desire for understanding.

Moreover, a teenager must be accepted and understood first of all by his reference group, i.e. friends, for him it is very important. Parents and relatives in this period of time for a teenager are far from in the first place, but it would be nice if parents also surround the child with warmth and understanding at this time.

Accordingly, if these needs are not met, then a person's self-esteem will go down sharply.

In children

It is even easier with children than with teenagers. In young children, relationships in the family are reflected as in a mirror. Of course, factors such as:

• the number of children in the family;
• family wealth;
• the position of the child in the family (senior, middle, youngest).

signs

The main symptom of low self-esteem is self-doubt and self-doubt. Uncertainty and fear cover all age groups, only this is expressed in each group in different ways:

1. Men and women do not take responsibility (at work or in love relationships). They are afraid, "as if something did not work out." Uncertainty casts a huge shadow over their entire lives: work, family and life prospects are in big question. In society, human efficiency is now most valued, and uncertainty reduces performance and leaves both a woman and a man behind the board of personal and social achievements.
2. Children and teenagers. Low self-esteem and its companion insecurity make children inactive and withdrawn, and adolescents unsociable and aggressive.

What to do with your own insecurities

To kid

A person who has just entered this world cannot do anything with his uncertainty. He can't get rid of her on his own. Parents, first of all, should think about the relationships that reign in the family. If the child is on the defensive and does not talk about his problems, then he can be taken to a psychologist.

The level of confidence in a child can be increased if love, mutual respect, and small man will be immersed in an atmosphere of universal trust.

Teenager

A guy or a girl is no longer so dependent on their parents. They can raise their self-confidence levels on their own. There are two ways:

1. Compensation. Suppose a person has a complex - he is physically weak. But instead of “dying” in the gym, a guy (or girl) goes to a drawing or singing circle and “knocks out into people” with the help of newly acquired skills.
2. Hyper compensation. The guy does not have enough physical strength, and he does not want to look for easy ways, but goes straight to the gym and builds muscle mass there (the case of Arnold Schwarzenegger) or to the kickboxing section (the case of Jean-Claude Van Damme). And thus he kills two birds with one stone: on the one hand, he becomes stronger, and on the other hand, he deserves the respect of his peers.

Compensation and overcompensation exist independently of each other and are not morally colored in any way. Each person chooses the path that is close to him.

Compensation and hypercompensation are similar only in one thing - this is a correction that involves the most powerful inner work of a person.

man

For a man, the only way to increase self-esteem is to study. Modern world involves constant self-improvement. If a person does not want to develop, then he quickly lags behind and, accordingly, self-esteem falls for objective reasons.

If a man is paralyzed by low self-esteem, and he cannot decide to act, even though he can do a lot, he can do a lot, then he needs to turn to a psychologist to get the necessary boost of confidence, to take his will.

Independent techniques for working with consciousness are ineffective, especially when a person does not have the habit of internal work.

The calculation here is very simple: a man studies, improves his qualifications and professionalism, achieves success, moves forward, raises his social status, deserves the respect of others, the love of women and the envy of other men. Everything, he is a winner.

woman

To increase self-esteem, a woman needs to really represent herself. Now you can’t just be a “mother”, “wife” and “lover”. Or rather, it is possible, of course, but such women are not competitive and are totally dependent on men, which is not very good, first of all, for the fair sex themselves.

Women have a wonderful advantage - they can be careless and master the technique of self-deception, they are able to inject themselves with an injection of confidence without resorting to psychologists and psychotechnics.

How? Very simple: new acquaintances, new clothes and self care. If a woman realizes that she is beautiful and desirable, and this belief is reinforced by a couple of victories on the love front, then self-esteem will increase dramatically.

Summing up

Thus, low self-esteem is terrible, first of all, by self-doubt. There are many ways to overcome insecurity, and each person has their own individual recipe for gaining strength.

Nevertheless, it is possible to summarize what was said above and form several capacious rules for women, men, adolescents and children:

• Adult men and women can overcome self-doubt only by constantly improving themselves. To do this, you need to soberly assess your strengths and weaknesses, not be afraid and not hide them from your inner gaze. We need to make learning in a global sense our main life activity. The more people know, the more success they will have in life. Of course, there are limited people who do not suffer from low self-esteem at all, but this is not something to strive for.
• Teenagers compensation or overcompensation may help. For example, the boy is weak and frail. He is offended at school, but he does not moan, does not cry, but goes to learn to play the guitar, and after two or three years, he is already a favorite of girls and an idol of guys - this is compensation. Or another option: instead of a music school, the same guy goes to the karate section, and after a few years he is already a thunderstorm of the school - this is hypercompensation.
• Small children are dependent on their parents, so the recommendation is rather the second: love more, spend more time with your child. The atmosphere of love, care and understanding between all family members should reign in the family, and then the child will have high self-esteem.

It should also be remembered that self-esteem is a relative characteristic and is constantly floating. Also, having a low, high, or average self-image doesn't guarantee anything, it's just a tool.

There are good professionals with a general low self-esteem, but they achieve more in life than self-satisfied ignoramuses. Nevertheless, it is better to respect yourself, love and constantly work on yourself.

Video: The problem of low self-esteem

It may well be low self-esteem. Let's look at the statistics. It turns out that on the planet 80% of the population is not satisfied with their professional status or position in society. How is it shown? Yes, a lot! For example, in the inability to get a job Good work or in the need to engage in an unloved and boring activity, some people constantly face problems in the family, others suffer from loneliness or unrealized abilities. It is difficult for an insecure person to find mutual language with others, and also, as a rule, he is subject to various kinds of phobias.

In this article, I would like to reveal the essence of this problem, point out the origins of its origin, and also give some advice on how to become more confident, more determined, and therefore happier.

Low self-esteem. Concept definition

All of us, and I believe there can be no exceptions here, have a so-called image of our own “I”, which can be considered the center of personality. What does it consist of? I would say that, first of all, from an ideal idea of ​​oneself, and this self-consciousness, as a rule, is very carefully protected from any kind of criticism.

In the soul, each of us is sure of his perfection, significance and originality. Why? Yes, because a person simply could not live if he was completely sure of his worthlessness and uselessness. That is, initially, in each of us, nature laid a certain baggage of talents and confidence in overcoming difficulties. But the fact is that every day there are a lot of circumstances that, one way or another, undermine our faith in our own abilities, and it is precisely as a result of this that such negative feelings develop as a feeling of insecurity, guilt, fear and complete dissatisfaction with ourselves as a result. There is low self-esteem, aggressiveness, irritability and weakness.

How does it work in this case? a common person? Do not know? I'll prompt. He begins to shift the blame on others, and he goes deeper and deeper into himself, thereby only aggravating the situation.

Types of self-assessment

In general, psychologists believe that there are three types of self-assessment:

• low self-esteem;
• adequate;
• increased.

Without any doubt, the best self-esteem should be considered the naturalness and adequacy of behavior. Let's see how people with different self-esteem will behave. For example, take a mother with a small child.

Children are children. The mobile kid was running around the yard, fell several times, stained his knees and hands, shoes, of course, are not particularly clean. A mother with low self-esteem will be ashamed of the child and will try to go home as soon as possible so that none of the neighbors will notice the "exploits" of her child.

A mom with adequate self-esteem is always ready for this kind of adventure, so there are wet wipes or a handkerchief in her pocket. The kid will not even notice how he will turn into a clean again.

Well, the parent will try to turn slovenliness into a kind of feat, noting to the rest of the mothers that her child is the most gifted (fast, brave, courageous), and dirty clothes are just another confirmation of her innocence.

Low self-esteem: how to deal with it

I immediately wanted to warn you that you should not count on a quick, and even more momentary result. This process can take quite a long time. Why? It seems to me, because a person has to change his way of thinking and his own perception of himself, and this cannot happen overnight.

So, low self-esteem is a problem that everyone can deal with if they wish, for this you just need to try to adhere to the following tips:

• Never compare yourself to other people. You are you! Remember once and for all. Yes, perhaps something important from what your friends have is not enough for you, but, believe me, in some way they envy you.
• Don't berate yourself and avoid self-deprecating comments at all costs.
• Compliments should be thanked, not tried to refute.
• Surround yourself with positive people.
• Think and make a list of personal achievements and positive ones. You are guaranteed to have them!
• Give more than receive.
• Do only what you like.
• Live your own life.