Hello, dear readers of Valery Kharlamov's blog! Rapport in psychology is a very important element, without which it is impossible to form a trusting environment conducive to building contact. And today we will learn how to install it correctly.

Applications

Each direction in psychology pursues its own goal. For example, in hypnosis, rapport is necessary to subjugate the client, otherwise there will be no effect from the work. In NLP, to continue communication and achieve the intended results. In psychoanalysis and Gestalt therapy - to understand what the essence of the problem is, and to provide high-quality appropriate assistance, support, and so on.

These are good intentions, but, unfortunately, it sometimes happens that some individuals try to form trust in order to obtain some specific personal benefit. That is why it is important to know what types of techniques exist in order to recognize in a timely manner an attempt to manipulate your consciousness and resist.

Basic Methods

Adoption

It is sometimes used unconsciously in ordinary relationships that do not involve the role of therapist-client. The easiest way to create trust. Because each person needs acceptance, therefore, he is looking for it among close people, colleagues, family members and so on. Specialists use it as a base, a foundation on which to build further work. Therefore this method will not give you the desired results in short term, but only prepare for more powerful methods.

Think for yourself, have there been situations in your life when you told a stranger or unfamiliar person something secret and completely personal, realizing that even your closest friends are not aware of this information?

Where there is acceptance, there is freedom of expression, there is a feeling akin to unconditional parental love. That is, no matter what bad deed I do, I will still remain valuable. In order to create an atmosphere of acceptance, you should refuse to discount and criticize, even if your opinion differs.

Nonverbal

Next, physiology should be touched upon, with the help of which it is possible to influence at an unconscious level. You should simply take a pose that is conducive to yourself, or simply repeat the one in which the interlocutor is currently in.

With this technique, you will also be able to understand what is happening to him, how he feels, and even how he feels about you. It is only important not to overdo it, repeating every movement, otherwise your behavior will look like antics, which will cause a defensive reaction in the form of irritation and aggression.

Thinking and speaking style

This method is more difficult, and requires training and preparation, but it perfectly consolidates the result achieved by the levels earlier. So to speak, the control method. To begin with, carefully observe what exactly and how the interlocutor says, how he reacts to some information, and the like.

Once you have established the main points and you have a clearer idea of ​​his style of thinking, start including the phrases that he uses in your speech. Here, for example, if you want to be clear, both for an auto mechanic and for a doctor of science in the field of biology, you should give examples and metaphors directly from their field of activity.

Be sure to study the article about, so it will be easier for you to conduct a dialogue that encourages intimacy and trust, even just in personal relationships. With this technique, you will show the interlocutor that you hear him, understand, notice that you are next to him and are included in the interaction process.

2. Pay attention to similarities

The fear of loneliness is existential, that is, it is present in every person in this world, even those who shun people, closing themselves off from them, this is only a reaction to psychological trauma. Therefore, intimacy with someone causes wild horror from the fact that there is a risk of living unbearable pain again.

So, the similarity at least in something with an unfamiliar person helps to reduce anxiety, it seems to unite, instantly forming a much-desired rapport. You just need to look closely, listen, and then, having discovered something in common, focus on it.

For example, you can combine, generalize: “We women are too sensitive”, “We, provincials, sometimes have a hard time achieving our goals”, and so on. That is, as you may have noticed, it is quite possible to find similarities with absolutely any person on the planet.

3. Follow

During a conversation, always keep an eye on the interlocutor's breathing, intonation, the pace of his speech, and even the color of his skin. It will be difficult to do this at once at once, so arrange gradual workouts for yourself.

Let's say today focusing on timbre, and tomorrow follow the tone of voice. So you will eventually be able to unconsciously receive the necessary information.

4. Gain experience

You can look and listen not only as an active participant in the conversation, you can also train in public transport, crowded places, even just watching the actors play, preferably films that won an Oscar. So you will gain experience, not just a theory from books or articles, but formed on your own observations and conclusions.

5. Read

When you begin to communicate with a girl, your goal is to create comfort for her. This happens automatically. At the same time, if a girl feels comfortable with you, she is more easily seduced, agrees with you and wants to start a relationship with you more. To achieve this comfortable state for a girl, it is enough to install rapport. What is rapport? We'll figure out.

In depth concept

every man should know. This is the most important quality that will help you not only in seducing girls, but also in life outside the personal front.

Rapport in psychology is the process of creating a comfortable state for both interlocutors. Most often interpreted as a natural phenomenon in the communication of two people. This state can be created artificially, following from the effect to the causes.

When rapport is established naturally, mutual sympathy first arises. Then people adopt some gestures and words from each other. As a result, communication becomes much more comfortable, there is an unconscious creation of an idol and setting oneself up as an idol for another person. The result is pleasant communication at all levels and the ability to trust another person almost like yourself.

If you move from the investigation, you need to adopt the manner of human behavior, put on a mask. Within a few hours, with certain skills and a share of talent, it will be possible to establish a reliable rapport. This, in turn, will speed up the process of seduction itself.

Rapport is a two-part process:

• accession;
• conducting.

In terms of seduction, the most important thing is joining. Leading will come in handy later if you think that you can continue a relationship with this girl. Then you will simply lead your girlfriend according to the same rules, only with constant behavior correction for your own. A smooth and soft transition will allow her to get used to you and at the same time not lose trust, the result of the work that you did on the first date with her.

Physiological adjustment

This is the first stage of competent construction of rapport, it is also the easiest. You only need one thing - to carefully observe what the girl is doing and just copy it. Such an unobtrusive demonstration that you are on the same wavelength, and you are comfortable with it.

We all perceive the world differently. It depends on what source we are used to getting information from. Based on this, a person can have one of the following modalities:

• auditory;
• visual;
• kinesthetic.

People receive the main flow of information through hearing, sight or sensations. Depending on this, you must also adapt to your interlocutor, regardless of what specific modality you have. It is very simple to determine it, just listen carefully to the interlocutor and draw your own conclusions. When they tell you a story, pay attention to what verbs the interlocutor uses. If he pays more attention to colors, says “I saw, I looked”, etc. - in front of you is a visual. If the emphasis is on sounds - auditory. Feelings -.

Based on the results of a simple analysis, you yourself should begin to tell such stories. Not in your modality, it’s not so easy to tell, but after a few trainings, you will surely succeed. First, try new knowledge on your friends. Try different positions, mixes, etc. remember that there are people with a mixture of modalities, you also need to be able to adapt to these.

Adjustment restrictions

Competent rapport - what is it? In psychology, it is important to work not like a simple machine, you cannot follow all the advice exactly. With every person there will be a lot of assumptions, and they cannot be ignored. Otherwise, you will get the opposite effect, and you may be considered generally inadequate or not self-confident enough. There's nothing worse than building rapport when you're caught in this class.

Each person has several traits so individual that you will not find them in anyone else. It is important to notice them and not even try to repeat them. There is a partial adjustment. The state of rapport is quite achievable without copying any special features. Partial adjustment is much more common than complete adjustment.

At least at the initial stage of communication. And it is better to choose it if:

• communication is just beginning, and you spend the first hour with the interlocutor;
• the interlocutor is overly emotional;
• the language of physiology is completely unique and unusual, it makes no sense to repeat it so as not to be noticed in the attempt;
• rapport is already set at a sufficient level, and there is no point in deepening it;
• you are trying to establish rapport for the first time.

You need to start with the simplest things. Incrementally copy a person, but do not try to adopt everything from him at once. It won't work the first time. Adjustment should always be gradual so that the level of comfort is constantly increasing.

All these rules work well in a pickup truck, even if they were not originally invented for this. Rapport will be a great assistant for you in business as well. When you want to earn someone's favor, just build rapport with them and you'll win them over within a few hours.
If you want to know even more secrets to seduce girls

from the French rapport - communication, message). Verbal contact of the hypnotist with the hypnotized, who is in a hypnotic state.

R. with the hypnotized person can be isolated (responding only to the words of the hypnotist) or generalized (generalized) (when any of those present during hypnosis can establish verbal contact with the hypnotized person). With isolated R., the hypnotized person has a finely differentiated conditioned reaction not only to words, but also to the timbre of the voice, the intonation of the hypnotizing person. By verbal suggestion, the state of an isolated R. can be extended to another person (the phenomenon of R.'s transfer).

R. can also be nonverbal (for example, in the case of hypnotherapy of the deaf and dumb). This is evidenced by experiments on the hypnotic induction of foreign-language students (Erickson MN). In the technique of hypnotic induction, Erickson considers "physiological attachment" (in particular, synchronization of breathing) as an important element of R.

See also Ericksonian hypnosis.

RAPPORT

Rapport; Rapport is a feeling of agreement between oneself and others.

“Rapport consists primarily in the feeling of existing agreement, despite the recognized difference. Even the recognition of existing differences, if only mutual, is already rapport, a feeling of agreement. If we are aware of this feeling in a higher degree on occasion, then we will discover that this not just a feeling that does not lend itself to further analysis in its properties, but also a comprehension or content of knowledge that conveys points of agreement in mental form.This rational image is applicable exclusively to a rationalist, and by no means to an irrational person, for his rapport is not based on judgment at all but on the parallelism of ongoing and living events in general. His sense of agreement is the joint perception of some sensation or intuition. A rational would say. That rapport with the irrational is based on pure chance, if by chance objective situations are consistent with each other, then something like a human relationship, but no one knows what the value will be and how long this relationship will last. For a rationalist, it is often downright painful to think that the relationship lasts just as long as external circumstances accidentally allow such compatibility. This seems to him not particularly human, while the irrational sees in this case a particularly beautiful humanity. The result of this is that they look at each other as people without relationships, as people who cannot be relied upon and who are completely impossible to really get along with. However, such a result can only be reached if we consciously try to be aware of our relationship to our neighbor. But such psychological conscientiousness is not very common, so it often turns out that, despite the absolute difference in points of view, something like rapport is nevertheless established and, moreover, in this way: the first, with a silent projection, assumes that the second has the same essential points. opinion; while the second one anticipates or senses an objective community, of which, however, the first one consciously has no conception and the existence of which he would immediately begin to deny, just as it would never have occurred to the second that his relation rests on a generality. opinions. Such rapport is the most frequent; it is based on projection, which subsequently becomes a source of confusion (PT, par. 618).

RAPPORT

rapport) "That mysterious emotional connection" between analyst and patient, without which psychoanalytic treatment is impossible. It is probably because of the intellectual orientation of psychoanalysis that rapport seems mysterious to him. The concept implies that initially the relation of one person to another is a detached observation, as if the other were a thing; but if two people are going to communicate (see COMMUNICATION), then some special mysterious process must take place. But perhaps it is just the opposite, and rapport occurs naturally unless inhibited (see INHIBITION) by factors such as lack of common SYMBOLS, suspicion on the part of one or both participants, or lack of IMAGINATION on the part of the therapist. See AFFECT; EMPATH.

RAPPORT

1. A concept that characterizes a positive attitude and connection between people established in loved ones interpersonal relationships, as well as in the process of positive interaction between the researcher and the subject - the doctor and the client.

1. In a broad sense, the term is used in the literature to refer to positive relationships and connections between people:

1) close interpersonal relationships based on a high degree of commonality of thoughts, interests, feelings;

2) benevolent, friendly atmosphere that develops in the situation psychological experiment between the researcher and the subject, the doctor and the patient, the therapist and the client.

2. In narrow sense the term means the connection established between the hypnotist and the hypnotized person in a hypnosis session (=> transfer). Rapport is characteristic a high degree selectivity of perception as a consequence of consciousness narrowed by hypnosis: super-susceptibility to the hypnotist's suggestions, mostly verbal, and insensitivity to influences from other sources. As a specific type of internal dependence, consisting in the readiness to carry out the hypnotist's suggestions, it develops and stabilizes as the hypnotic state deepens.

RAPPORT

fr. rapport - connection, relation). The contact established during a hypnotic session between the hypnotized and the hypnotizing person is characterized by a high degree of selectivity of perception due to the narrowed consciousness in the hypnotic state and the presence of hypnoid-phase states of the cerebral cortex - a relatively weak verbal stimulus (that is, the formula of verbal suggestion, hypnema) is more significant, stronger impacts coming from other sources.

RAPPORT (RAPPORT)

A state of conscious, harmonious contact based on sympathy and reciprocity between two (or more) people. The word "rapport" was borrowed by Mesmer from contemporary physics. In his experiments, Anton Mesmer tried to build a chain of people touching each other, transmitting electric charges generated by a dynamo. Using the term rapport, Mesmer tried to describe the process of "tuning" to the "wave" of the patient, to his "animal magnetism".

The concept of rapport was expanded by P. Janet (1924); he cites observations of a hypnotized patient who has been under the constant suggestive influence of a hypnotist for a long time. Freud (1905) used the word "rapport" to designate states in which the hypnotized patient excludes everything that comes from outside world, maintaining contact only with the hypnotist (p. 295). At the same time, counter sexual tendencies are noted that arise between the hypnotist and the patient. In 1914, Freud described rapport as the prototype of transference and advised therapists to establish true rapport with patients only "after the formation of an effective transference" (1913, p. 139). Knight (1972) described rapport as the optimal level of transference required for productive therapeutic work.

RAPPORT

1. In general - convenient, free, easy, mutually acceptable interaction between people, especially when people -

tester and subject psychological testing, client and therapist in therapy, etc. 2. In hypnosis, such an emotional contact between the hypnotist and the subject, in which the latter "accepts"

first suggestions. 3. In parapsychology, the alleged connection between

medium and his spirit contactee.

RAPPORT

A hypnotic experience that involves both personal involvement and detachment cannot exist without an intense psychological connection between partners.

Mesmer spoke of rapport, trying to define the nature of the "magnetic" connection, emphasizing that it excludes all other people. We retain this name, recognizing, however, that the nature of the connection may be very different in each individual case.

We can also assume that this experience will, to one degree or another, turn to more ancient or archaic experience (and rooted there). Ferenczi mentioned paternal and maternal types of rapport (Sabourin, 1985). Freud and some of his followers (Gill and Brenman, 1959; Kubie and Margolin, 1944) saw in it a connection due to the mechanisms of psychological regression or having the nature of a libido. A pertinent question here is whether it is legitimate to analyze the nature of the hypnotic connection in terms of transference (see Erickson & Rossi, 1981).

The new hypnosis aims to be simply an exercise in which one adult guides another through an experience, and it does so in a trusting relationship. In new hypnosis, it is generally accepted that only the behavior of the hypnotists themselves underlies the "massive" transference phenomena (Henry Ey, 1963) that could be described (see: artifacts).

rapport

Rapport). A sense of connection with another person, a feeling of reciprocity, a sense of trust resulting from alignment, mirroring and attachment, a state of empathy or a second position.

RAPPORT

emotional and intellectual connection established between people in the process of their communication and based on mutual sympathy, mutual understanding.

It is believed that the concept of "rapport" was borrowed by the Austrian doctor F.A. Mesmer (1734–1814) from physics of the second half of the 18th century and used by him to describe the attraction that is established between the doctor and patients due to "animal magnetism". Refusing to use a magnet in the treatment of patients, he began to practice magnetic sessions with the hand, during which the touch of the fingertips to the patient's ganglions was sufficient to alleviate their suffering. Proposed by F.A. Mesmer, psychotherapy was based on the use of "life force", on the impact on the patient of the "fluids" emanating from the personality of the doctor, due to which rapport was established between them, that is, an invisible, mysterious connection that promotes healing.

The concept of rapport was contained in the works of Z. Freud. They dealt with the consideration of the specific connection established between the hypnotist and the subject of hypnosis. As he noted in his work, Mass psychology and the analysis of the human Self" (1921), "hypnotic bonding is unlimited self-giving in love." This connection between people defies rational explanation, but it contains an admixture of the mystical, contributing to the establishment of close contact between the hypnotist and the person in the hypnotic state.

The emergence of psychoanalysis was associated with the rejection of hypnosis and the use of the method free associations. With the formation and development of psychoanalysis, S. Freud sought to exclude any influence on the patient by the analyst, reminiscent of a suggestion, as was the case in hypnosis. And although in psychoanalytic treatment we are not talking about conscious suggestion, nevertheless, in the course of therapeutic work, such an emotional connection is often established between the analyst and the patient, which can be called rapport.

Z. Freud did not exclude the possibility that a special type of connection is really established between the analyst and the patient, somewhat reminiscent of suggestion, although not being one. But he correlated this connection not with the professional activity of the analyst, but with mental processes, characteristic of psychoanalytic therapy and called by him transference. It is through the transfer to the analyst of the unconscious desires and emotional experiences previously experienced by the patient, associated with other people, but resurrected in the analytic situation, in the process of communication between them that the connection arises, on the basis of which therapeutic success can be achieved.

The founder of psychoanalysis believed that when working with patients, one should not rush to explain the essence of transference, or to make various kinds of interpretations. Until a close emotional connection, trust in each other and mutual understanding is established between analyst and patient, any interpretive activity is premature. As Z. Freud noted in his Introduction to Treatment (1913), the disclosure of the secret meaning of the thoughts that appear in the patient, his acquaintance with the basic technical procedures of analysis should be carried out not earlier than the patient develops a transference and "genuine rapport is established."

In modern psychoanalytic literature, more attention is paid to the problems of transference and less to the phenomenon of rapport. Nevertheless, some studies discuss issues related to identifying the relationship between transference and rapport, their specificity and differences. It is generally accepted only that without the establishment of an empathic connection, trust and understanding between analyst and patient, it is difficult to count on any therapeutic success in the process of psychoanalytic treatment.

On high levels trust (subconscious), a state called " rapport».

"Rapport" is translated from English as "connection", "consent".

Availability rapport says that a system has formed, people begin to act as a single whole. The very couples who dance the tango or waltz, in order to do it well, must have a very good rapport. That is, they must form a system. And in order for people to get a system, there must be rapport between them. In short, if people have formed a system, there is rapport between them. And vice versa.

Rapport does not mean that you now have the same movements and thoughts for two - it only means that they are coordinated. In the same tango, each of the partners has their own movements, but at the same time they have a similar state, rhythm, style and speed of movements.

One of the properties of rapport is the desire to follow a person, to feel affection and trust towards him. That is, if rapport has appeared, then it appears reference : you change your state and the person follows you. You changed your posture and so did he, you slowed down his speech and he slowed down, you calmed down and he relaxed. At high levels of rapport, even synchronous movements are possible - you raise your hand, and he raises, you move the index finger of your right hand - and he too. Therefore, movement leads are good to use to check for rapport.

Leading is a sign of rapport. That is, if there is rapport, then you can lead; if you cannot lead, there is no rapport.

It was with you in the company: one starts to yawn, and the rest follow him. And try to sit next to a sleepy acquaintance - it also tends to sleep.

By the way, with good rapport, it is usually even impossible to understand who exactly is leading - just a common movement is born, common directions for ideas appear and they communicate on the same topic.

Leading is one of the main tools of influence - you enter into rapport and move together in the right direction.

Story. A couple of guys familiar with NLP went to a rock concert. When they took their places, they found that a girl in a very dejected state was sitting next to them. It is unpleasant. You are at a rock concert, and next to you is a downcast girl. What did they do. No, they did not ask her: “What happened?”. They also sat in similar positions, with similar breathing and facial expressions. And then slowly they began to straighten up, raise their heads and smile. Ten minutes later, the girl was already smiling and yelling along with everyone.
Summing up:

Calibration is needed to accurately interpret the message, fine-tuning helps build perceptual filters and achieve a state of rapport. If you are in rapport, you are now one system and can lead (him, her, them, us) in the right direction.

Exercise "Rapport Calibration"

While the only sensory-obvious sign of rapport is lead, there's one tricky thing about this rapport: it's symmetrical. That is, if you are in rapport with a person, then he is also in rapport with you. So you can calibrate yourself.

This distinguishes rapport from trust - both conscious and subconscious. Trust can be in a person with whom there is no contact (rapport happens only when there is contact) - for example, I trust Dostoevsky, although he died long ago. Well, actually it should be so - rapport is a sign of interaction. And for interaction (in both directions) an information channel is needed.

So, task. There are a lot of situations when you have good rapport: you are doing something together (for example, dancing a pair dance), you are talking with nice person and you are good together. Determine how you feel this connection within you. Compare with a person who can be near, but indifferent. Try with several people - at least seven people and in different situations- and find common. It must be something quite touchy.

Now we will talk about techniques that allow you to influence a girl bypassing her consciousness. For the most part, everything that is written here is taken from NLP, only adapted for seduction. All I want from you is that you first try to do what is written here, and then start criticizing. I often encounter this reaction in training.

At first, people are distrustful of these techniques, during the exercises they begin to think why it works, and during practice they are already completely convinced of this.

There is one drawback in what you are about to read. It is extremely difficult to learn this from the article. I myself once studied trances and hypnosis from the book, read smart articles and tried everything in practice. It's a long journey where you can make a lot of mistakes and no one can fix them.

In general, there are not so many people in Russia who are able to teach NLP normally. I studied with Alexander Lyubimov, but, taking the same course with another coach, I realized that everyone gives the program in their own way and everyone has their own truth of life.

Something I went into theory. Now about the techniques themselves that can help you seduce women.

I want to immediately distinguish one point. There are situations when a person does something consciously, and sometimes when he does something unconsciously, subconsciously. For example, in the morning. When I wake up, I realize that I woke up only in the kitchen for a cup of coffee. I don't remember how I get up and go there. Not always, but it happens to many.

Or another example. The name of the person. When someone calls your name from behind, you automatically turn around. This is all the reaction of our subconscious to some external factors. Now we will talk about working with the subconscious.

Moreover, the subconscious is more important. When a person consciously understands that yes, he can be trusted and he is good, white and fluffy, and the subconscious mind still holds a negative attitude towards a person, then full trust between people will never arise.

What is rapport

Rapport is the process by which people create an atmosphere of trust among themselves. Moreover, when people are in rapport, their internal state adjusts to each other, which allows them to be controlled.

You probably noticed that if a person is like you, then you automatically begin to trust him. I have a friend, once we were in a big company, and he met a girl that way. They sat together all evening and talked about something. When we parted, I asked a friend about other people who were with us at the same table. He didn't even remember them.

The reason is very simple, he was in strong rapport with that girl, then he told me for a long time how similar they are and how wonderful she is. He did not know how to get into rapport, he did it unconsciously, this also happens quite often. For example, when two good friends talk about something, you can observe the same rapport in them. Our task is to learn how to create rapport in a relationship with a girl.

Rapport needs to be created everywhere. This is a feeling of complete trust when a person communicates with you, does not notice anything around and experiences extreme positiveness from this communication. In addition, further I will write about ways to introduce into a trance. But it is difficult to enter into a trance a person who does not trust you. And again, rapport is required. This is a kind of foundation of the basics, which is required before applying any technique.

So what do you need to do to create rapport. Essentially, rapport is copying another person. Our subconscious loves itself, and if someone is similar to you, then it loves him too. That is, you need to make sure that the subconscious sees itself in you. This is done using the following methods:

• joining a pose
• attachment to breath
• joining the movements
• adherence to values
• joining the speech

Let's analyze all this separately.

Pose Adjustment

Probably, you often met when people are sitting, for example, in a cafe and they have the same posture. They do not play monkeys at all, copying each other. They do it subconsciously. The only thing is that they are interested in communicating with each other.

There are two types of this adjustment. Direct tuning and cross.

In the case of direct adjustment, you take a mirror pose of the interlocutor. For example, he threw his left leg over his right, and you throw your right over your left. If the adjustment is cross, then you throw the same leg as the interlocutor, there is no mirror effect here. All this can be mixed, for example, you mirror the position of the legs, and cross-adjust to the position of the hands.

By joining the pose, subconscious trust already arises. It is easier for your interlocutor to accept your point of view, and it is easier for her to agree, say, to change an uncomfortable cafe for a cozy sofa.

Adjustment has one important minus. If you carefully look at the girl and copy her pose, then she may think that you are mocking her. This will happen if you adjust unnaturally. Over time, this skill will work automatically, and without hesitation you will begin to adjust, then it will be completely natural and the rapport will be deep.

Exercise

Three people are needed for the exercise. The first is you, your task is to copy the pose of the second person, the third will observe and say what you did wrong.

In NLP it is customary to call such people

• Hypnotist (you)
• Director (one who evaluates)
• Client (the one you work with)

The essence of the exercise is that the client takes any position, you must copy it, and the director corrects all your mistakes. You need to perform the exercise until the director says that everything is done without errors.

A director is always needed, because from the outside all the shortcomings are visible much better.

Adjustment to the breath

Each type of adjustment creates a certain degree of trust. The more aligned you are, the stronger the trust will be. And the more criteria you adjust to, the more effective the result will be. Human breathing is no exception.

Breathing can be adjusted in two ways.

1. Direct adjustment to breathing. In this case, you should breathe in exactly the same way as your interlocutor. At the same pace. This is quite difficult to do, because men breathe with their stomachs, and women with their chests. Everyone uses their most valuable parts of the body. That is, when you adjust to the female breath, you need to look at the chest, and when you adjust to the male breath, look at the stomach. But this is in the event that you cannot catch it by looking at the person's face. On the one hand, there is a great reason to stare at the chest, but for this you can get a professionally executed slap in the face. So try to notice, not stare.
2. Indirect adjustment to breathing consists in the fact that you reflect the person’s breathing not with your own breathing, but, say, by tapping your fingers on the table to the beat of the girl’s breathing.

Exercise 1

Three people are required for the exercise: the client, the hypnotist and the director. The task of the client and the hypnotist is to talk about some topic, for example, football. During the conversation, the hypnotist adjusts to the client's breathing. After five minutes, the hypnotist must change the rhythm of breathing. If the client's breathing changes with the hypnotist, then the exercise can be considered completed. The task of the director is to observe what is happening and point out possible errors.

Exercise 2

I participate client, hypnotist and director. For five minutes, the client and the hypnotist discuss the same football or other more convenient topic. The task of the client is to breathe. Hypnotist - Perform an indirect attunement. This can be a tapping of a finger on the table, a noticeable swaying of the leg, a movement of the finger, in general, at the choice of the hypnotist. The director must put his hand on the back of the client and see if the hypnotist adjusts correctly. After five minutes, change the pace of your tuning method. For example, if it's finger tapping on the table, then break the rhythm and start tapping faster/slower. If the client's breathing rhythm goes wrong, then the exercise can be considered completed..

Adjustment to movements

It is difficult to imagine a situation where your interlocutor will sit in the same position all the time. Most likely, she will constantly change it, gesticulate and, God forbid, start showing gymnastic exercises. Adjusting the movements is also very effective, only there is a very thin line when the interlocutor does not notice this and when she thinks that you are mimicking her. That is why adjusting to movements is much more difficult than other types of adjustments.

If you took the same posture, breathe the same way, then consciously it is not very noticeable, but if you copy her movements, then it is much easier to notice. That is why you do not need to copy all the movements one to one.

For example, when a girl makes some kind of clearly noticeable and broad gesture, then you can reflect the same gesture, say, with a movement of your finger, or make the same gesture, only without finishing it.

The movements of people are divided in NLP into micromovements, which include blinking, facial expressions, the girl will not be aware of these movements consciously. So you can adjust to them without worrying that it will look awkward. Macro movements are active gestures, changing the position of the legs, etc. Such movements are already fully monitored by consciousness, so it is better to adjust carefully here.

Exercise

For this exercise, you alone are enough. Try to adapt to others: to a woman in a store, to a boss, or to a passing passenger on a bus. Copy the movements for five minutes, then do some movement yourself first. If your unsuspecting opponent repeats it, then the exercise can be considered completed.

Value Adjustment

In our case, a very important point, since I doubt that you will be able to master the tuning skill well from the article. But with a good will, anything is possible. When communicating with a girl, it is very important that your values ​​match. But at the same time, it is important to remain a person who will not be like the others, but who is able to dominate in relationships. There is a contradiction.

On the one hand, she likes to drink milk in the morning, this is a value for her, the same value should be present in you. On the other hand, you are a man, you should not have some values ​​that are unusual for men, you should be different from her and from the rest. The way out here is very simple, take some of the values ​​that the girl has and adjust them for yourself, only yours new value should be higher class or be similar, but at the same time different class.

For example, a girl likes to play the piano. If it suddenly turns out that you like to play the guitar, then it will be the same value, but it will be of a different class. The value is the same - music, art, but you express it in different ways. This is a very high-quality adjustment to values. In this case, they not only coincided with you, but the difference in their expression will attract.

Second case. She loves popular music (pop) - you are classical. Its value is to enjoy music, in this case pop music. Your value is to enjoy classical music. The value is the same, but according to generally accepted standards, your way of embodying this value is better. This is a rather slippery kind of adjustment. Generally accepted norms do not mean that your girlfriend accepts these norms. So I love Wagner and Vivaldi, so what? Some particularly gifted girl will tell me that I am behind the times, and one girl even began to praise the wonderful football player Wagner.

How to adjust to a girl's values

The first step is to find out what value this girl has. In reality, you need to have enough honed communication skills to be able to figure out the value. So I'll write a possible list of leading questions:

• Do you believe in friendship between a man and a woman?
• What do you value most in life?
• How do you like to spend your free time?
• And you are calm by nature. Or is it just at first glance?
• It is believed that women are the best actors and love to play life. This is true?
• What do you value most in a relationship?
• What do you value most in men?

After all, it is not for nothing that it is believed that the most valuable thing in modern world is information. And, having information about the values ​​of the girl, it will be possible to use this. But more on that later, first let's figure out how to get the information you need if the girl doesn't want to give it to you on a silver platter.

1. Tricks. If you didn’t get the right answer to direct questions, or it’s immediately clear that you have to figure out the girl’s values, bypassing the direct style, then you can make this style not quite direct. For example, divination by hand. Take the girl's pen and look at the lines with a smart look. Girls by nature are too curious not to ask what you saw there. Amazing. She herself started the topic of discussing her values, which was what was required to be achieved. Further, taking into account the first impression of the girl, you give her the qualities you assume. Let this be for example:

• family
• relationship with all people
• health

What you don't forget to tell her. If she disagrees with something, then you will see a shriveled face that is trying to express that you are wrong or a direct text that this is not so. And if this is not so, then it is not so difficult to find an antonym for this value. The same can be done with the signs of the zodiac, the secret of the name or the special position of the eyelashes.

1. If a girl is in a tank and actively resists giving you information about her values, then it’s better to just create them. To do this, you just need to give her information that she will perceive as an axiom. For example:

• Life is given only once, but it must not be lived like everyone else.

Possible answers:

(bad option)

• At the same time, you need to remain human and do as much good as possible in this life.

(a good option)

• Yes, indeed, life is given once and you have to live it to the fullest.

Rapport by values

Any person is somewhat selfish and the vast majority will choose the second option. Further, the algorithm is simple. The girl herself said that you need to live life to the fullest, so further mention of discos, reckless actions and constant partying will be quite acceptable.

Now the first option:

• “At the same time, you need to remain human and do as much good as possible in this life.”
• (You) Yes, doing good to others is noble. But good should be done by those who are inherently worthy of it, i.e. not a sadist, a maniac and a trite villain.
• (She) Yes
• (You) And such people, as a rule, also want to do good to others.
• (She) Yes
• (You) So if you are happy, then they will achieve their goal and they will be happy too. It turns out that you just need to live life to the fullest. To achieve your goal.

This is just an example. In reality, a girl can try to dispute something, object somewhere, but this is already a problem of flexibility, which is devoted to an entire article. If you understand what was written in that article, then it will not be a problem to dispose of the controversial points of difficulty. The result is value creation. Not yet completely subconsciously fixed, but you created it, the rest is a matter of time.

1. Many people, including girls, simply do not realize their values. I have a lot of girls I know who lead a rather riotous lifestyle, but in reality they don’t need discos, clubs and parties, but something completely different. This happens only for one reason - the environment, that is, an external factor. If this external factor is excluded, then there will be a very real and significant value.

Your task is to make the girl realize what is valuable to her. To do this is quite simple, you just need to exclude an external factor that obscures reality. Why is this happening? Why does a person do what is not included in his life values? The answer is simple, a person must do something. If a person sits alone for a long time, then there is a high probability that he will simply go crazy. Hence the desire for activity. Attention is focused on the same unfortunate external factor that draws a person.

If an external factor provides a choice, then a person will choose what is more valuable to him, if there is no choice, then he will prefer to go against his value, if only to go somewhere. There is value, but it is not realized.

You can give her awareness through yourself or through a girl. Let's take the same example - constant festivities and a quiet life. If you are going to let her realize that in reality her value is a quiet life through herself, then your task is simple - to grind with your tongue how good it is to lead such a lifestyle and MOST IMPORTANTLY, let her know that she has the opportunity to lead such a life and that opportunity is you.

To give her the opportunity to realize her value through her means to let her know that she has a choice. I hope I don't have to say that the choice is you. But you will become a choice a little later, at first your task is only to ask leading questions. For example:

• - Well, why do you constantly go to discos? To get drunk there?
• - Of course not, how can you. It's just fun.
• - Can't you imagine fun without alcohol?
• - Well, of course I represent
• "Then why?"
• - Don't know. (or again in a circle from the very beginning)

• — (You) Why do you like discos so much?
• — (She) It's fun and interesting
• - (You) There are all strangers
• - (She) But you can get acquainted
• — (You) You have no idea, but much more fun in the company of good friends
• - (She) So I sometimes go with them to discos
• — (You) To get to know others?

If a relationship with a girl is not planned, then you should not deal with her values ​​at all. Just adapt and change those that interfere with her seduction.

Again, these are just examples, the dialogue can go in different directions. There is a very thin line between value creation and value awareness. So it is better to follow the path of awareness only if you are sure that the girl herself cannot understand what is valuable for her.

1. negative values. Yes, there are some. In this case, the girl has some behavioral value, but the deeper value, which includes this behavioral value, is negative for her. For example, a girl loves Marlboro cigarettes, but this does not mean that she does not value health, but, as a derivative, smoking. Here's a simple setup:

“Yes, I once smoked real American Marlboros, I really liked it, but in general I am not a supporter of constant smoking.”

We figured out the values ​​themselves, now about something more interesting - what actually needs to be done with them. And you have to adapt to them. The same goes for posture, breathing and movement. Only again, there is an opportunity to become a parrot and cause mistrust. It is very easy to utilize - you must be the first to indicate your value, which is similar to its value. How to find out the value of a girl is written a little higher. Then there are several options.

• If you understand what exactly its value is, but the girl didn’t directly say about it, then say in plain text that, they say, I love this and that in life.
• If she clearly outlined her value in a conversation, then you need to find another, but very similar to this value, and again be the first to recognize it.

Follow the derivatives of this value. For example, value:

• trust in people

Derivatives:

• Friendship
• Honesty
• straightness.

Actions from this derivative: the habit of speaking sincerely, some story about how you saved a friend from bandits and a dog from an evil grandmother.

Remember very important point: you are the initiator, this is a much more qualitative model of behavior than a simple confirmation of its value. Example:

(You found out that the value of sincerity and faith in people)

• Maybe stop talking tricks, I always tell the truth and I would be pleased to think that people respond to me in return.
• (She) Unbelievable, but me too. We are similar to you.

Ideally, several such points of contact should be identified.

Adjustment to speech

Each person perceives different information differently. There are the following ways of perception: auditory (auditory), kinesthetic (tactile), visual (visual), olfactory, gustatory and discrete (information obtained through analysis and logical conclusions). All these channels of perception are called representational systems. The olfactory and gustatory channels of perception are largely included in the kinesthetic.

Every person has a dominant representational system. The rest can also be highly developed, but one of them is leading. If the same representative system dominates in two interlocutors, then the quality of their communication will be several times higher than if, say, the auditory communicated with the kinesthetic.

So, the sequence of actions:

• find out which representational system the girl is dominant
• adapt to this system.

Finding out the dominant channel of perception is quite simple. Once I was sitting with a friend in a cafe and the following dialogue took place:

• (Friend) Dim, how can I determine which channel of perception I have is better developed?
• (I) What kind of beer is this? (pointing to a glass of beer in front of him)
• (Friend) Hmm...yellow.
• (I) Congratulations, you are visual.
• (Friend) Right. And how did you understand it?

In fact, I understood this even before his question. But there was little doubt as to which system dominated. My friend turned out to have strongly developed two systems of perception: visual and kinesthetic. If he answered delicious, then I would conclude that his kinesthetic representational system dominates the visual one. That is, through the words with which a person communicates and describes various events, it is possible to determine the dominant channel for perceiving information.

The list of such words is huge, so I will now write down the most common words for each representational system.

Auditory:

• Silence
• Listen
• Voice
• I listen to you carefully
• No, you listen ... (in a dispute)
• It's loudly said

Visual:

• How bright
• It's so dark in here
• It was such a sight
• My point of view
• No, you look ... (in a dispute)
• I'll see what i can do

kinesthetic

• It will be hard
• Tangible advantage
• hot / cold
• hard / soft
• Touch
• Feel

Discrete

• It's logical
• Gotta think it over
• How would you phrase it
• interesting situation
• No, just think ... (in a dispute)
• The algorithm is the following

Olfactory and gustatory

• Bitter truth
• I smell bad
• It's stuffy in here
• What flavor
• Get out into the fresh air
• Smells delicious

In the conversation of any person, words of the same type will prevail. If you have already decided which representational system dominates your interlocutor, then try to speak with her in the "same language", that is, using the same words from the same modality. Thus, you will give information in the way the girl wants it, which will add another huge plus to the quality of your communication.

Now we have analyzed the five main types of adjustment to a person, and I hope you have learned how to create high-quality rapport. A little further there will be various methods of influencing a person, and in order to apply each of them, you first need to establish rapport. A girl can just get up and leave, but this will not happen with rapport.

And, as I already wrote, adjusting to a person is much more likely to persuade him to his opinion. So try to adapt to people as often as possible, then over time this skill will be fixed on the machine and rapport will be created unconsciously.