Suggested interesting theory the dependence of our appearance on the mask that we subconsciously put on ourselves in childhood in response to the trauma we received from one of our parents. This is our attempt to avoid suffering in our childhood life. But these masks grow on us so much that we carry them with us into adulthood.

The creation of masks is a consequence of our desire to hide from ourselves or from other people the trauma inflicted on us.

Are there people who don't wear masks at all? Unfortunately, I have never seen such people in my life.

Yes, of course, in the life of every person there are moments when all the masks are thrown off, but as a rule, these moments are fleeting and are accompanied by a feeling of great happiness and unity with all that exists. Most often, such insights occur in nature while admiring its beauties, in moments of the highest creative and physical pleasure and jubilation, when a feeling of boundless love for the whole world flares up inside.

More often, we are in a state of disconnection, and in this case, masks become our protection.

What are these masks? Here is a list of them, along with the injuries they are trying to cover up, as well as when the injury awakens and its main source.

Injury	Mask	Awakening trauma	Source of injury
Rejected	Fugitive	From conception to one year	parent of same gender
Abandoned	Dependent	Between one and three years	Parent of the opposite sex
Humiliated	Masochist	Between one and three years	The parent who is involved in the physical development of the child (usually it's mother)
Betrayal	controlling	Between two and four years	Parent of the opposite sex
Injustice	Rigid	Ages four to six	parent of same gender

Masks created for the purpose of self-defense appear first in the mind and behavior of a little man, and then, fixing themselves as the main model of responding to a traumatic situation, in his appearance and physique. The body very accurately reflects what is happening inside the personality and, unlike this personality, it does not know how to lie.

Mask recognition is characterized by one feature - we easily recognize the masks of other people, but when talking about ourselves, we often wishful thinking. Therefore, even without recognizing for oneself one or another character trait, which will be described below, evaluating only one of one's appearance, one can very accurately say about one's experienced trauma.

Below are averaged portraits - masks taken from the book by Liz Burbo and given to them. a brief description of. I remind you that in your assessment, preference should be given to appearance. The psychological description should be considered only as an addition.

Brief description of the five main injuries and their corresponding masks

Trauma Characteristics of the REJECTED

Awakening trauma: from the moment of conception to one year.

Mask: fugitive.

Experienced with a parent YOUR GENDER. That is fugitive feels rejected by people of the same sex as himself. He accuses them of rejecting him and is more angry with them than with himself. On the other hand, when he is rejected by a person of the opposite sex, he rejects himself even more. Accordingly, in this case, his anger at himself dominates. At the same time, there is a high probability that this person of the opposite sex did not reject him, but left him.

Body: compressed, narrow, fragile, fragmented.

Eyes: small, with an expression of fear; impression of a mask around the eyes.

Dance style: dislikes dancing. If he dances, then his movements are minimal and inexpressive, he does not want to be noticed. It seems to say on it: "Do not look at me for a long time."

Sitting body position: shrinks, trying to take up as little space as possible in the chair. He likes to tuck his leg under him very much: when he is not connected to the ground, it is easier to run away.

Dictionary: "nothing" "no one" "does not exist" "disappear" "I'm sick of...".

Character: Detachment from the material. The pursuit of excellence. Intelligence. Transitions through stages of great love to periods of deep hatred. He does not believe in his right to exist. Sexual difficulties. He considers himself useless, worthless. Strives for privacy. Stewed. Knows how to be invisible. Finds a variety of ways to escape. Easily goes to the astral plane. He thinks he is not understood. Can't let her inner child live in peace.

Speech and voice: voice weak, powerless.

Most afraid of panic. He can't really realize it because he hides, disappears as soon as he starts to panic, or even before it starts. Others see panic without difficulty - it is almost always given out by the eyes.

Nutrition: Appetite often disappears due to the influx of emotions or fear. Eats small portions. Sugar, alcohol and drugs as escape routes. predisposition to anorexia.

Vehicle selection(you can apply these characteristics to other purchases, as well as to the manner of dressing): likes discreet cars of a soft color.

Typical diseases: Skin, Diarrhea, Arrhythmia, Respiratory dysfunction, Allergies, Vomiting, Fainting, Coma, Hypoglycemia, Diabetes, Depression, Suicidal tendencies, Psychoses.

Characteristics of the injury of the ABANDONED

Awakening trauma: Between one and three years.

Mask: Dependent.

Experienced with a parent dependent tends to believe that he will be abandoned by members of the opposite sex, and blame them more than himself. If he experiences the experience of being abandoned with a person of the same sex, then he blames himself, because he believes that he did not pay enough attention to him or failed to appreciate his attention. It often happens that he is sure that a given person of his gender has abandoned him, but in fact it has rejected him.

Body: Elongated, thin, devoid of tone, sagging; the legs are weak, the back is twisted, the arms seem excessively long and hang down along the body, certain parts of the body look flabby, sagging.

Eyes: Big, sad. Attractive look.

Dance style: prefers contact dances, in which it is possible to snuggle up to a partner. Sometimes it seems that he hangs on a partner. His whole being radiates: "Look how my partner loves me."

Sitting body position: crawls in a chair or leans on a support - on the armrest or on the back of an adjacent chair. The upper part of the body is tilted forward.

Dictionary: "absent" "one" "can't stand" "eat" "do not leave".

Character: Victim. Tends to merge with someone or something. Needs presence, attention, support, reinforcement. Experiencing difficulties when you have to do something or decide alone. Asks for advice, but does not always follow it. Accepts rejection painfully. Sadness. Cries easily. Causes pity. Either happy or sad. Physically clings to others. Nervous. Stage star. Strives for independence. Loves sex.

Speech and voice: a childish voice with a hint of complaint.

Most afraid of: Loneliness. He does not see this, because he always arranges himself in such a way as to be in someone's company. If, nevertheless, he finds himself alone, then, of course, he admits that he is alone; but at the same time he does not notice how feverishly he is looking for something to do, something to fill his time. When there is no physical partner, the phone and TV replace him with company. It is much easier for his relatives to notice, to feel this great fear of loneliness, even when surrounded by people. Sad eyes betray him.

Nutrition: A good appetite. Bulimia. Likes soft food. Eats slowly.

Vehicle selection(you can apply these characteristics to other purchases, as well as to the manner of dressing): prefers cars that are comfortable and not like everyone else.

Typical diseases: Back pain, asthma, bronchitis, migraines, hypoglycemia, agoraphobia, diabetes, adrenal disease, myopia, hysteria, depression, rare diseases (requiring long-term attention), incurable diseases.

Characteristics of the trauma of the humiliated

Awakening trauma: in the period from one to three years.

Mask: Masochist.

experienced With the parent who is involved in the physical development of the child (usually the mother) regardless of gender. That is, a male masochist tends to experience humiliation from females. He usually blames them. If he experiences the trauma of humiliation with a male person, then he blames himself and is ashamed of his behavior or his attitude towards this person. He can also experience this trauma with his father, if he is engaged in his physical education, teaches the child to keep clean, eat, dress, etc. If this is your case, then it remains for you to apply what has been said to the male or female version.

Body: Thick, rounded, short stature, thick dense neck, tension in the throat, neck, jaws and pelvis. The face is round and open.

Dance style: always dances willingly and a lot, taking the opportunity to express his sensuality. He dances for the pure pleasure of dancing. His whole appearance says: "Look how sensual I can be."

Sitting body position: sits with legs spread. In most cases, he chooses a place that is not suitable for him, so he feels uncomfortable.

Dictionary: "worthy" "unworthy" "small" "fat".

Character: Often ashamed of himself or others, or afraid of being embarrassed. Dislikes fast walking. Knows his needs, but does not listen to them. He takes a lot on his shoulders. Uses control to avoid shame. He considers himself untidy, heartless, a pig, worse than others. tend to merge. He arranges himself so as not to be free, because "to be free" for him means "to be unrestrained." When he is unrestrained, he is afraid to cross the line of what is permitted. Loves the role of mother. Overly sensitive. Punishes himself, believing that he is punishing someone else. Strives, wants to be worthy. Often disgusted. Increased sensuality is combined with shame in sexual behavior. Does not take into account their sexual needs. Plays with food.

Most afraid of: Freedom. He does not consider and does not feel free because of the many restrictions and obligations that he himself came up with. On the other hand, he seems completely free to those around him, because he usually finds the means and time to do what he decided to do. He does not look back at others when making a decision. Even if what he decides binds him, in the eyes of other people he has complete freedom change his mind, he just wants to. His eyes, wide open to the world, show a great interest in everything and a desire to experience as many different experiences as possible.

Nutrition: Likes hearty, fatty foods, chocolate. Gluttonous or, conversely, eats in small portions. Ashamed to buy for himself and use "goodies".

Vehicle selection(we can apply these characteristics to other purchases as well as to the manner of dressing): chooses a small, cramped car, where it barely fits.

Typical diseases: Pain in the back, shoulders, throat, sore throats, laryngitis, diseases of the respiratory tract, legs of the feet, varicose veins, sprains, fractures, disorders of the liver, thyroid gland, skin itching, hypoglycemia, diabetes, heart disease.

Characteristics of the Trauma of TREASON

Awakening trauma: in the period from two to four years.

Mask: Controlling.

Experienced with a parent OPPOSITE SEX. That is controlling usually believes that he was betrayed by members of the opposite sex, and tends to blame them for his suffering or emotions. If he experiences the trauma of betrayal with a person of the same sex, then he mainly blames himself and is angry with himself for not being able to foresee and prevent this experience in a timely manner. It is highly likely that what he perceives as betrayal by those of his gender is in fact an experience that has activated his trauma of injustice.

Body: Exudes strength and power. The man has broader shoulders hips. A woman's hips are wider and stronger than her shoulders. Chest wheel. Belly too.

Eyes: The gaze is intent, seductive. Eyes that everyone sees at a glance.

Dance style: need a lot of space. He loves to dance and uses it to seduce. But above all, this is an opportunity for him to show himself. From him comes the call: "Look at me."

Sitting body position: sits with his whole body leaning back and arms folded as he listens. Having taken the floor, he leans forward to look more convincing in the eyes of the interlocutor.

Dictionary: “separate (s)” “do you understand?” “I can” “I can handle it myself” “I knew it” “trust me” “I don’t trust him.”

Character: Considers himself very responsible and strong. Strives to be special and important. Does not keep his promises and commitments or makes an effort on himself to keep them. Lies easily. Manipulator. Seducer. Has a lot of expectations. The mood is uneven. He is convinced that he is right, and seeks to convince others. Impatient. Intolerant. Understands and acts quickly. A good performer because he wants to be recognized. Circus. Hard to trust. Doesn't show vulnerability. Skeptic. Afraid to violate or withdraw from an obligation.

Most afraid of: Disconnects; divorce; renunciations. He does not notice how intensely he creates problems and conflict situations, as a result of which excludes further communication with individuals. Creating, attracting to himself situations in which he renounces someone every time, he at the same time does not see that he is afraid of these situations. Rather, on the contrary, he assures himself that these breaks and renunciations are beneficial for him. He thinks that in this way he does not allow himself to be fooled or used. His sociability and readiness for new acquaintances prevent him from realizing how many people he has deleted from his life. Others see it much better. And his eyes betray him too. When he is angry, they become tough and even inspire fear, which can alienate many from him.

Nutrition: A good appetite. Eats fast. Adds salt and spices. May not eat for a long time while busy, but then loses control in eating.

Vehicle selection(you can apply these characteristics to other purchases, as well as to the manner of dressing): buys a powerful, conspicuous car.

Typical diseases: Diseases of control and loss of control, agoraphobia, spasmophilia, disorders of the digestive system, diseases whose name ends with -it oral herpes.

Characteristics of an INJUSTICE injury

Awakening trauma: Between the ages of four and six.

Mask: Rigid.

Experienced with a parent YOUR GENDER. That is rigid suffers from injustice on the part of persons of his sex and accuses them of injustice towards him. If he experiences a situation that he considers unfair with a person of the opposite sex, then he does not accuse this person, but rather himself - of injustice or incorrectness. It is very likely that this experience of injustice with a member of the opposite sex is actually caused by betrayal.

Body: Direct, hard and, within the limits of the possible, perfect. Good proportions. Round buttocks. Short stature, tight-fitting clothes or a tight belt. Shackled movements. The skin is light. Clenched jaws. The neck is tense, straight. Posture proud.

Eyes: The look is radiant, alive. The eyes are light.

Dance style: dances very well, feels the rhythm, despite some stiffness, inflexibility of the legs. He is very attentive, tries not to lose the rhythm. More often than others, she attends dance courses. The most rigid ones stand out with seriousness, hold themselves very straight and seem to count their steps in the dance. They seem to say with their appearance: "Look how well I dance."

Sitting body position: sits perfectly straight. At the same time, he can move his legs and position his whole body strictly symmetrically, which further emphasizes his rigid posture. Sometimes he crosses his legs or arms - when he does not want to feel what is happening.

Dictionary: "no problem", "always, never", "very good, very kind", "very specific", "exactly", "totally fair", "of course", "do you agree?"

Character A: Strives for excellence. Envious. Suspended from own feelings. Often crosses his arms. Productive - to be perfect. Overly optimistic. Live, dynamic. Often justified. Very reluctant to ask for help. Laughter over trifles - to hide your sensitivity. Doesn't admit he has problems. He doubts the correctness of his choice. Compares himself on the principle of "who is better - who is worse." Hardly accepts anything: he considers it unfair to receive less than others, but even more unfair to receive more. He very rarely allows himself pleasures, as he usually feels guilty because of them. He does not take into account his limitations, he is too demanding of himself. Controls himself. Likes order. Rarely sick, indifferent or ruthless to his body. Choleric. Cold, unable to show his feelings. Likes to look sexy.

Most afraid of: Coldness. It is difficult for him to recognize coldness, because he considers himself a sincere, warm person who does everything to ensure that harmony and justice reign around him. As a rule, he is loyal to his friends. But people around him often notice his own coldness, not so much in his eyes, but in his dry, hard demeanor, especially when he believes he is being unfairly accused of something.

Nutrition: Prefers salty foods to sweet ones. Loves everything crunchy. Controls himself so as not to get fat. Ashamed and justified when he loses control over himself in food.

Vehicle selection(you can apply these characteristics to other purchases, as well as to the manner of dressing): he prefers a classic, working, hardy car - he wants to get full for his money.

Typical diseases: Nervous exhaustion (professional), frigidity (in women), premature ejaculation or impotence (in men). Diseases ending in -it- tendinitis, bursitis, arthritis, etc. Torticollis, constipation, hemorrhoids, spasms and convulsions, circulatory disorders, liver dysfunction, varicose veins, skin diseases, nervousness, insomnia, poor eyesight.

Three, four and even all five injuries are possible in one person at the same time - after all, their laying is gradual as they grow older. In this case, usually one of the injuries dominates, while others are less noticeable, but they can be minor and that's it. If one of the masks dominates, then the person uses it for protection more often than others. If the mask appears occasionally and for a short time, this means that the person feels the trauma associated with it weakly. But, even if some kind of mask dominates, then it does not follow from this that it reflects the most important of injuries. Masks can hide behind each other, and more often than not, later masks are cover for earlier ones.

To be continued…

The topic is not new. Now there is a lot of talk about those "masks" that we wear in Everyday life, about how they appear, and how, at times, they replace the original.

There is a fairly well-known film "The Mask", shot just on this topic. He perfectly illustrates the situation of the possible "growth" of the mask and the loss of one's identity.

And if you think about it, do we know ourselves, our true selves, without masks?

Not for the boss, not for the spouse, not for friends, but for yourself? What are we to ourselves? When was the last time we met ourselves - beloved, true and not covered up?

Maybe it never occurs to someone that the face is naked, but it happens. And then you can see the true essence of man. But it's such a rarity these days. To expose our essence, we need infinite trust, which we have long forgotten how to experience.

We are always in society , and he is demanding and merciless, and therefore we are compelled to "keep face".

Let me quote Lincoln's words on this score.

One day, President Abraham Lincoln, after rejecting a recommendation from his advisors to appoint a certain person to an important position, explained that he did not like the person's face.

“A person is not responsible for his face,” the advisers objected.
“Every man after forty years of age is responsible for his face,” Lincoln replied.

So we are responsible for the expression of our face, sometimes forgetting to relax even at home, alone with ourselves.

Of course, Lincoln meant that a man in his forties should be able to control his emotions.

But this is already "aerobatics".

The impenetrable and calm face of the sage suggests that he has come a long way to himself. His tolerance for external factors is based not on patience, but on understanding what is happening.

Patience is fraught with the fact that sooner or later it will end, and we will get a storm of emotions from scratch. That's where the bowl overflowed, there it will flood, regardless of objective reasons.

Those. the reaction to the three of the son can be like a dangerous life situation - the stimulus will not correspond to the reaction. But there's nothing you can do about it emotions are not easy to deal with, especially if there is no contact with oneself, and emotions are not given an outlet in time.

And if you need a "mask" for contact with the world, then there is definitely no contact with yourself.

There is a need to make the desired impression, to please, to be accepted. And notice it's not about behavior thoughtful or relevant to the task. This is about the image, the new creation of yourself, in the image and likeness of subjectively perceived social desirability. He or they if there are several masks, is fixed and declared in any situation, and eventually becomes a substitute (and) "I" personality.

And we do our best to maintain this newly created image. Many “keep” their faces, even when they are alone, but what if someone is watching? There are fewer opportunities to relax. And today's passion for selfies exacerbates the situation many times over. A person simply does not have intimate time for himself. Some even manage to take pictures of themselves during hygiene procedures. And, in the end, even they themselves forget what they look like.

The result of such a situation, it seems to me, can be a complete rejection of oneself.

This, in part, can be observed even now: pumped up lips, tattooed eyebrows, made noses, chins, strained faces.

Previously, the phrase "stretched face" meant a disgruntled face. By a freak accident, now a quickly stretched face allows one to like oneself and is considered beautiful.

And what is it, in fact? This is a rejection of one's own image, of one's individuality. and creating a stationary mask, i.e. the “keep face” option is no longer suitable; a monumental, non-removable protective mask is needed.

What is she protecting from?

• From self-doubt
• from rejection of oneself and one's own characteristics,
• from vulnerability, etc..

A person, transforming himself, expects the effect of pride, satisfaction and self-confidence.

But does it really help?

Most people who resort to such a cardinal transformation eventually find other shortcomings in themselves and again go to the magician - reenactor. And so on ad infinitum.

The mouth no longer closes, the eyes do not open, there are bumps under the skin, and the process of “self-improvement” continues. It turns out that this option of dealing with self-doubt does not work, or does it work for a short time?

But, despite this, more and more people resort to such methods, losing health, appearance, liveliness of facial expressions, and sometimes they simply turn themselves into monsters.

This is how much you need to hate yourself to like the appearance of a bald, tattooed, bumpy monster with vampire fangs more than your own.

But find a way to yourself without resorting to quick methods, not easy. Loving yourself with all the flaws is also difficult. The work is not for one day, and few people dare to go this way. But in vain. The quality of life in this case really improves, and health remains with you, and there is more joy in life.

There is another destructive aspect of wearing masks, in addition to the loss of one's own individuality - moral decay and spiritual impoverishment.

At one time, I read a few historical essays on the creation of various kinds of masks in different cultures.

A general conclusion was formed - the mask protects, provides an opportunity, hiding behind it, to follow one's desires without fear of consequences.

Now this function is carried by avatars on the Internet. Remember, as in Tirso de Molina: "Behind the mask, any schoolboy can make eyes at the countess." This is happening online right now. A person, hiding behind his avatar, pours out a stream of shadow bile on those around him and is not responsible for his behavior. And impunity corrupts. Therefore, all sorts of trolls are multiplying at such a speed.

The history of Venetian masks perfectly illustrates the situation of moral decay.

Initially m The asca was the symbol of the Venice Carnival. Venice has always been a socially prosperous province. The inhabitants of Venice created a unique culture, where a person, hiding his face, also hid his social status. Any commoner, wearing a mask at the carnival, could claim the role of a nobleman. It got to the point that people liked this game so much that they began to wear masks in everyday life and lead a dissolute lifestyle. Even the nuns allowed themselves outside the walls of the monastery, hiding under a mask, to indulge in debauchery. The moral level dropped sharply. Eventually, a law was passed banning the wearing of masks in everyday life. They were allowed to wear only on holidays.

So what happens when we invariably wear our intangible social masks in our daily lives?

Approximately the same thing happens. Our values ​​are tailored to the image we strive to create. Over time, we become different and no longer understand where is ours and where is superficial. Our true identity is changing we believe that under this mask you can do this, and under this mask you can…

A modest and shy girl is jealous of her friend's freedom of communication. She tries to imitate her puts on "war paint", goes to a nightclub and tries to imitate her behavior. A feeling of ease in communication is created, and the girl repeats this behavior from time to time, training herself for the image she likes.

But is she prepared for the consequences of such behavior, because, unlike her friend, a vulnerable and sensitive heart is hidden under bright makeup. And the fact that her friend casually discards her will hurt her extremely and make her suffer. But the girl believes that this image of a femme fatale is absolutely necessary for her and continues to diligently cultivate it, until she completely loses herself.

Can't a sweet, gentle, domestic girl be interesting for who she is? How many men are looking for such girls, because it is with them that it is good to create a family and raise children.

Where did this girl get the idea that she was not like that? and she should be different. But this is already, as usual, from the family.

A child who feels his value as he is does not need to conform to any image, and he has every chance to live happy life in harmony with yourself. But the one who endlessly hears that he is not like that, not the same, will not be able to stand up for himself, will never find a partner - he has to look for a socially desirable image of himself that corresponds to the ideas and expectations of others.

We are often surprised how much a person changes with age.

There was such a sweet girl, and now an evil aunt. Or, she was so shy and inconspicuous, now she is so lively and open. Or, he was such an uninteresting young man, and with age he became such a charismatic man.

Some will say it is burden of the years and misfortune, or vice versa success, so changed appearance. But, it is curious that often those who experience terrible events, and, at times, sink to the very bottom, escaping from there, become more open, calm and friendly. Their faces look enlightened and radiate love and kindness. No wonder they say that the soul is perfected by suffering.

It is impossible to draw a parallel between the person who experienced the trials and another who lived easier. Rather, it's an inside job. Peace is not given to anyone just like that, neither rich nor poor, it must be earned and suffered. It seems to me that when the face opens and clears up with age, we can say that a person has gone through some serious path of self-discovery and he no longer needs to wear masks.

You might argue that a kind face can also be a mask. And here it is not. There is a difference that can be noticed - these are tense facial muscles. The mask can be recognized by the tension and unnaturalness of emotions.

How many masks we create in our life. There is a mask for work, there is a mask for friends, for relatives, a holiday mask for the day off, and God knows how much more. How many of these layers should be on us , layers of "subjective social desirability".

How many layers do you need to remove to find yourself underneath? And which "are you real"? And do we really want to know? Yes and no. The unknown is, of course, scary. You never know what you will find there, maybe it will be a good-natured creature, or maybe you will release a monster. Maybe the unknown is still better than the merciless truth? And lighter and warmer under all these protective layers?

Everyone answers this question for himself. And everyone decides what is best for him.

But I believe that each of us, such as he is, is able to bring something very important to life and society. People who look the same and think the same are a crowd, and if it's rude, a herd.

Don't try to fit in, don't try to be like someone else. The world needs your individuality!!!

And I'll put my poem back in again. As if in place.

8 chose

We often wear masks: at work, on the street, talking with friends and acquaintances, sometimes we don’t even take them off at home. Some of them are like us as two drops of water, others are strikingly different from us real. Let's figure it out why do we need these psychological superstructures and what disadvantages they may have.

So why do we need masks at all? in different life situations we play different roles and this must be taken into account. If you are at work strict boss When you come home, you have to readjust yourself so as not to behave the same way with your family. Conversely, if you treat subordinates as if they were your own children, there will be no benefit from this.

In my opinion, wearing masks is not bad at all, at certain points in life they are very much needed. Well, is it bad to smile at a child, even if the cat itself is scratching at heart? Or to cheer up your loved one when you are scared yourself?

With the help of masks, you can solve some psychological problems. There is even a practice role therapy, during which people are encouraged to get used to various roles in order to overcome their fears.

The masks themselves are just a tool, they can be used for both good and bad purposes. And if we use masks only in the name of good, then what's the problem? It turns out that here There are some complications that should be avoided.

Imposed masks

It happens that we use some kind of masks or behaviors not because we like them, but because they are imposed: by colleagues, environment, close people. For example, parents from childhood brought up leadership qualities in a child, and he got used to putting on a leader's mask. At the same time, it is quite possible that a person does not want to pretend to be a leader at all, but he uses this model of behavior out of habit. And when our behavior goes against our true desires, it inevitably has a negative impact on the psychological state. Dig into your "home dressing room", see which masks you absolutely do not need - maybe it's worth it without a twinge of conscience to take them to the trash?

Should everyone like it?

Often we put on masks to please other people, especially often this happens with new acquaintances. I have noticed more than once how people who seem almost perfect at the beginning of communication, after a long acquaintance, lose a good half of their charm. The natural desire to please makes us hide character flaws and emphasize virtues.

On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with that. But, on the other hand, it turns out that others do not like us, but our masks, and with closer communication it becomes obvious - we can’t wear a mask all the time. So is it worth spending so much time and energy on people who don't like the real us? After all, our friends and loved ones love us the way we are, with all the advantages and disadvantages.

Do we want to be better or to seem?

Another reason people wear masks is because they often strive to be better than they really are. We are all brought up on the same principles. we want to do the right thing, not the easy way, to be kind and not evil, sympathetic and not insensitive. Some people do it better, others worse, but almost everyone wants to seem good. So, maybe we should try to change what we don’t like about ourselves, and not just habitually wear "good" mask?

Well, a little about sincerity

And what about sincerity? Often open, sincere behavior looks much more attractive than all of our prettiest masks. T so if you can afford to be sincere, be.

And finally, a funny approach to masks, which was formulated by the famous surrealist artist Salvador Dali: "If you start playing genius, you will certainly become one!" And he did succeed!

Really, when we get used to depicting some qualities, they often become part of our character. So we have a lot to learn from our own masks.

What kind of masks do you wear? Do you think masks are good or bad?

A mask, a disguise is not a completely natural behavior or facial expression that hides something that is undesirable for display.

Mask - protection from excessive communication and other mental influences. This is a departure from communication at the level of formal interaction with other people.

Each mask can correspond to a certain theme of thoughts; what the mask thinks about can be suggested by fixation of the gaze, body position, hand gestures.

Masks interfere with communication, but help pastime. If you want to understand people, give up most of your masks, of which more than half are outdated and are an additional burden in communication. Don't be afraid to show your face, often people are so busy with their mask that they won't see it anyway, don't be afraid that someone will harm you if you practice this. The less masks involved in your behavior, the more natural and pleasant it is for others. In communication, try to help the interlocutor see the reflection of his mask, often this can significantly improve your relationship with him.

The mask hides the face.

The closer the mask is to the face, the more it looks like it.

The mask is the shape.

Two identical masks do not live side by side.

Masks define our roles, and our roles define our masks.

Surprise takes off the mask, and love takes it off.

You can open the mask for yourself by looking into her eyes.

Mask! Do I know you!

There are a lot of people, but few masks, so you can see your mask on another.

Every mask needs a mirror, but not every mirror needs a mask.

Masks are removed or changed.

It's easier to see without a mask.

Who wants to change finds a remedy, and who does not want to find a reason.

The fewer masks, the more natural the behavior.

Collection of masks

Revealing and analyzing masks, roles, scenarios is a difficult and interesting thing. To begin with, a small list from the collection of masks. Try to continue it and describe each mask. Collection of masks: "Concerned", "Thinker", "Sage", "Merry", "Prince (Princess)", "Honored Pensioner", "Cool", "Lucky", "Pierrot", "Jester", "Good-natured" , "Poor Man", "Naive", "Vanguard", etc.

The name of the mask is often the same as the name of the role.

Personal roles and masks

Masks fetter and hide I, personal roles give freedom and develop. At the same time, in the process of mastering, almost any personal role for some time turns out to be a slightly alien and interfering mask, only with time becoming a convenient tool of the Self or even its natural part. See →

From the Sinton website

common craze modern psychology- to advise "be yourself." Is it necessary to strive to seek the true self, or is it better to learn how to effectively use a set of masks? “The mask is an ambiguous thing. On the one hand, this is a lie. On the other hand, it is a necessity, - says Oleg Novikov. - Probably, it is important to distinguish between social, for example, service relations, and human, personal. A mask in society can be part of a ritual, a necessity. The mask in personal relationships can be part of the deception and the beginning of the war. I do not believe in a universal recipe in this area. The mask has unpleasant features. The mask sticks, the mask is often put on out of fear, and then they are afraid to take it off. The mask is often mistaken for their real face. But the mask is always poorer. And the face under it, sorry, sometimes deteriorates. By wearing it all the time, we lose ourselves a little... On the other hand, by removing the mask at the wrong time, we sometimes force people to see what they would not like to see. Sometimes we show what we would not like to show. In any case, there is no single answer. Discretion is required: both from the one who wears the mask, and from the one who deals with this person. "Any person, when he communicates with someone, he communicates from the position of some image, - Igor Nezovibatko believes. - I am a lot of different images. There are images that are adequate in this situation, useful, and there are images that are inadequate - incorrectly applied, or taking away a lot of strength and energy from a person, or those that do not lead to the goal.In a more developed person, the set of images is more interesting and diverse, and they are richer, more diverse, in a less developed person - less diverse, more primitive. Therefore, how much do you need to open them or not? Rather, you need to create that set of images that leads to the goal, does not take a lot of strength and energy, does not exhaust a person. They are needed if they help to go to the goal. "

Since ancient times, actors have used theatrical masks, comic or tragic, but all those who make up the audience wear a variety of masks in their daily lives - symbols of the roles they play in the play of life. Roles can change - one today, another tomorrow - but the mask will always be on the face. The person never takes it off.

Our masks change with age. As adults, we put on the mask of a professional at work; coming home - a parent or spouse. Some masks involve a complete costume change. As a matter of fact, almost the entire wardrobe of a person is his mask, which is necessary for the performance of a certain role: “I am a seductive young girl”; "I am a business person"; "I'm going on a business trip, hunting, walking..." In each case, I dress up according to the circumstances. Appearance talks about what role I play at the moment. A soldier, a policeman, a corporate employee, and a janitor who sweeps the street all dress up for their roles.

We change masks not only depending on the situation and mode of action, but also when communicating with different people. Each person has many masks, and he is able to change them with amazing speed. Every time we change roles consciously or unconsciously, we also change their symbols - masks. Communicating with one person, I play one role and put on the mask that is required for this, with another - the role and the mask for it are different. For some, these changes are not difficult. You may have met people - at parties, for example - who can change masks with lightning speed. Watching a person who knows how to move in society as he moves from one group to another is like watching a great actor instantly enter a new character. Sometimes the difference between the masks is almost imperceptible, sometimes the differences are so sharp that they are striking. Having changed the mask, the same person suddenly appears before you in a new image: a serious worker, a joker, a lover, a cynic or an enthusiast.

Some masks we put on consciously: among people of little interest to us, we smile, laugh at stupid anecdotes, and pretend to listen carefully when our thoughts soar far away; We make sad faces at funerals. Sometimes, of course, the mask reflects true, spontaneous experiences: we can laugh with happiness and cry because we are in grief - but even in this case, our gestures and facial expressions that correspond to the moment are not innate, but are acquired in a very early age by imitation. Even some of the most elementary forms of self-expression - for example, a nod in agreement - are not universal, but are accepted only in one or another ethnic group. Most people's collections of masks are simply amazing in their richness: there are thousands of them!

The habit of wearing a mask is given to us from birth. From early childhood, long before the child utters the first word, he learns to scream not in pain, but to attract the attention of his parents, smiles to win someone's favor, and generally plays shows. From childhood, we are taught to speak politely with strangers, because this is part of human relationships. Social pressure forces us to keep within the bounds of decorum. We can't hit someone we don't like, but we can't afford to show love to anyone we like, again because of secular conventions. Sometimes we put on a comic or tragic mask, a mask of boredom or indifference, self-confidence or ridicule - all these are masks accepted in society.

We are accustomed to act with each other as if we are acting out a play, knowing our roles by heart, while our manners serve us as much as a disguise, like clothes. “Excuse me, please”, “How are you?”, “I wish you a good time” - all these words are just a mask of politeness imposed on us by the environment. A well-calculated formal bow is an indispensable attribute social behavior among the Japanese, while in some other national environment, a pat on the back plays the same role.

Society tends to make people appear worse than they really are, although we don't always realize this. Sometimes we demonize ourselves just to be accepted in a certain circle. In militarized circles, you need to appear tough, harsh and courageous - only in this case you will be accepted as one of your own; the so-called "high society" requires a person to be witty, unprincipled and cynical. Wearing a mask is not only a way of self-affirmation, but also necessary condition to create close, intimate relationships. Many years ago a young woman came to me on the eve of her wedding with a series of questions about marriage. Shortly before that, she had become Jewish, but psychologically and emotionally she belonged to the generation of the sixties. We talked about how she imagines her relationship with her husband. Since she went through the hippie school, her ideal of married life was based on complete trust and openness. I told her (although this may not sound like rabbi advice) that being married does not mean that you are constantly in a courtroom where you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. ( No, in truth, this was the real advice of the rabbi - see the Babylonian Talmud, "Yevamot", 65b).

There is no need to lay out all the ins and outs about yourself to each other, you can skip something. About six months later, I met her husband and realized that she did not heed my advice. With the naked eye, you could see how he was suffering. She not only told him everything she thought about him at any given moment, but also spoke in detail about her past. I realized that the poor husband could not bear so much truth.

The positive side of wearing a mask is that it serves to protect our inner self, and sometimes protects others from it. We are forced to wear it in order to maintain the normal course of society, to protect other people, and not harm them. After all, a sharp, rude and unceremonious word is quite capable of destroying a person. One and the same thought can be expressed in a conversation with him both harshly, categorically, and more gently, sparing his feelings.

The mask has a lot of functions, and it is dangerous to take it off. Sometimes the mask, like clothing, covers nakedness; sometimes it is a shield, and sometimes it is massive iron armor. The body must be protected both from overheating or burns, and from severe hypothermia. Physical and psychological nudity have much in common: in both cases, both the mask and the clothing provide a survival advantage. This is not a lie, but a shield, armor, part of the necessary measures that a person is forced to take in order not to die.

Everyone wears a mask, and everyone knows that this is not the person's real face. Do we, by putting it on, commit forgery, falsification? What relationship does a person have with her? The mask reveals and hides at the same time. In a sense, every word is a mask of some idea.

There is always a complex and intricate relationship between the inner "I" (if it exists) and its disguises. We are not mindless beings, we are conscious and use masks of our own choice, which, however, reflects our inner essence. Whenever a person puts on a mask, consciously or unconsciously, it is never completely alien to him and inevitably reflects at least part of the truth about his true self.

We put on a mask as something addressed to outside world, but the choice of it is a consequence of internal processes, their result, even if we think that in doing so we imitate someone. The image chosen by a person in which he wants to appear before others is no less important for understanding his personality than research inner peace. Since our disguises are the result of permanent changes associated with age, status, the requirements of society, we do not have a chosen once and for all, fixed appearance - our mask evolves with us. Where does the shell end and the essence begin? Is the turtle shell her home? Shelter? Is it possible to imagine a turtle without a shell? Of course, between her and the man huge difference: The turtle cannot change its shell at will. Man is a more complex being, and therefore he is able to change and indeed does change his masks. However, we create an image, and it, in turn, affects the formation of personality. IN fiction there are many works on the topic of how a person who has carried a mask for a long time cannot take it off, and if he does, he finds that his face without a mask has retained a resemblance to it, although he no longer wants to wear it.

If a change of image is possible, then there must be a true "I" that does this. Is there any at all, is it possible to completely get rid of the mask? A person cannot be seen without it even in his bedroom. He always plays a role - both being among well-dressed people and lying naked under a blanket - although, of course, we are talking about completely different roles. The mask will be different, but it will still remain the same. It seems that we will never be able to completely get rid of the masks.

In many cultures there is a fear of physical exposure, but spiritual exposure is even more fearful. We feel that there is a lot of bad things inside us that can cause disgust, irritation or laughter in others. Therefore, we continue to play roles, fearing to go out of character and expose what is hidden inside. Years of living and studying add new layers to the protective shell of our existence. They can be peeled off one by one, like layers of an onion, but what is left in the end? We are frightened by the idea that our whole being resembles an onion, and if you remove layer after layer from it, then nothing will remain as a result.

On the other hand, we tend to undress. A warrior returning from the battlefield wants to take off his armor, a businessman, once at home, wants to throw off his jacket and tie. In the same way, many veils of politeness or respectability tire us out, and we may develop a desire to expose what is hidden under them. We hope that by being naked, we will find lightness, freedom, even happiness. Sometimes it seems to us that if we were able to throw off the masks of education or intelligence, we would find under them our inner essence. This feeling is based on the assumption that simple people are more truthful, authentic, real, artless. Is it so? A “naked” person, a primitive person, a person without a mask - is he more honest and more natural than in a mask? Is it imposed or as natural as aspects of personality known only to ourselves? Is it right to consider a naked person more natural than a well-dressed gentleman? The "Real Adam" - Naked or Clothed?

So what happens when people take off their “clothes” and say what they think? Let's express the same thought in a different way so that it looks more picturesque. Suppose I say to someone, “I want to see you as you really are. Get undressed! The man undresses, remains completely naked. Then I say: “No, this is not enough. You are still dressed. Take off all the flesh. We have to get to the deepest point. To the bone." Is the skeleton more authentic than human body with flesh and blood? Is this the essence of man? Is it better to see the "real person"?

But does a person who undergoes psychoanalysis really know the true self? Removing all the layers, one after another, reveals not at all the “true” essence of the personality, but only another facet of it. All this is a partial reality. A small child, having learned to take off clothes from a doll, will begin to undress all the dolls that fall under his arm. Then he will try to undress the dog. Perhaps children have a truly scientific curiosity: they want to see the truth, to know what is inside every thing.

What is behind this metaphor? What is the true essence of man? Are the garments we wear as adults worse than what we were born with? If you deprive a person of everything he has acquired during his life and leave only what was originally inherent in him, he will not become cleaner from this. The pure spiritual essence of the individual belongs to another world; it is not all his inner "I". Personality is of a combined nature and includes flesh, blood, feelings, mind, temperament, soul and ... masks.

The true "I" most likely does not exist. His search is not to answer the question whether it is possible to be completely naked, and not whether such exposure reveals the real truth. The main thing is to understand whether such a tearing of the covers can be considered an achievement. That naked being that will appear before us - is it better than the former man? Or vice versa: a changed, civilized, smart person is higher in his level?

Here is a story about a meeting between Rabbi Akiva and the Roman governor of Palestine, Tinney Rufus (whom the Jews called the tyrant Rufus), to illustrate this confusing issue. A philosophical dispute took place between them, which was connected, on the one hand, with the spiritual collapse of paganism in Rome itself, and on the other hand, with political friction between the Jewish population and the Roman rulers. ( This happened around 130 AD. e., before the uprising of Bar Kokhba against the Romans. Rabbi Akiva was one of the greatest thinkers of his time, indeed, of all time. Tinney Rufus did not win this argument; he completed it later by simply ordering the execution of his opponent).

The Roman asked Rabbi Akiva: “Which is higher, nature or what people do with it?” Rabbi Akiva answered without hesitation: “What people do is higher.” The Roman asked next question: "Can man create heaven and earth?" “No,” Akiva said, “we cannot create heaven and earth, but what people can do, they do better. Look, on the one hand, at the stalk of flax, and on the other, at the cloth made from it; look at the heap of wheat and the loaf of bread. Which of these creations is higher? Finding no answer, the Roman asked, "Tell me, why are you circumcised?" Tinney Rufus wanted to prove that nature is more perfect than the creations of human hands, thereby refuting one of the main provisions of Judaism, which says that man is an accomplice in the matter of Creation, he is responsible for this world and is obliged to transform it, making it better. Rabbi Akiva did not allow him to develop this idea. He didn't mean to be joking, and his words weren't a tactical ploy. From the position presented by Rabbi Akiva, far-reaching conclusions follow. A natural, natural object is not necessarily higher or more perfect. A person who is dressed, and therefore more fit, goes to another, more high level perfection.

The Biblical commandment concerning the clergy says: "And make them a linen underclothes to cover their nakedness, from the waist to the knees" ("Exodus", 28:42). This commandment is not intended to accustom the clergy to modesty, so that no one could see the intimate parts of their bodies naked (they wore long shirts to the very ankles). She, apparently, pursues a different goal: to hide the nakedness of the priests from themselves.

This dress has a symbolic meaning and is necessary for some rituals, but it also has a psychological meaning. Each person has something that is better to hide from everyone, including yourself. The desire to expose the hidden is not always commendable. Clothing does not help us get rid of our secrets, but only hides them. Constantly turning to them and exposing them to the public, you can cause yourself severe harm. There are negative aspects in every person's personality that should be suppressed and hidden away so that there is no temptation to develop them and even make them dominant. We all have a flaw in us that we often don't even realize. As long as evil is hidden, a person can still somehow fight against it, but when it is exposed, the fragile balance of his "I" is disturbed and evil becomes more dangerous than when it was in a latent state. The French philosopher Montaigne wrote that if people were punished for their thoughts, then everyone would deserve to be hanged several times a day.

Such suppression can be seen not only as a defense mechanism against outsiders - it also protects people from themselves.

There is such an Aramaic expression: "That the heart does not open the mouth." In the same way, there are things that the heart does not reveal even to itself. Only exceptional people can peer into the abyss of their soul without trembling. Peering into it is like punching through a crust of caked lava in a crater: a red-hot mass can break out and incinerate everything around.

Thus, the mask of chastity is nothing more than a means of self-defense. It should be removed with great care and as little as possible. “The most deceitful of all is the human heart and utterly depraved; who knows him?" - said the prophet Jeremiah (17:9). G‑d naturally knows this; some of the people suspect that this is the case, but it is more convenient to be ignorant. The cover is not a deception, but rather a way of containment and control. Everything in a person should be in interaction with each other, he should use what he has wisely, but first of all, he should keep his internal predators in a cage.

At one of the debates about mercy, the sages spoke of those who pretend to need donations, but in fact can do without them. They argued that a person who pretended to be lame and begged for alms on the basis of this would not die until he actually became lame, and that the one who pretended to be sick would be driven to the grave by the very disease that he feigned. The mask becomes reality. The mask has a very great influence on a person, even against his will. One of the participants in this dispute said: “So it is with those who pretend to be lame. And what then awaits the one who pretends to be a saint? The answer is the same: he will not die until he becomes a saint. And this is really a punishment, because the life of a saint is immeasurably harder than the life of a saint. But this is also a reward - for the fact that a person put on just such a mask.

The Midrash says that on Mount Sinai, the Lord appeared before everyone in the same guise in which He appeared before to man. According to Jewish concepts, a leader is a person who is able to find an individual approach to everyone. Maybe this is a gift from God: to be able to appear in front of a person the way he wants to see you.

Perhaps the root question is not whether a person can be naked, and not whether he should do it, but what kind of mask he should wear. In what way should I dress up my personality so that it looks the most exalted? Man and his mask, nature and artifact, hand and tool - all this is interconnected. Human nature is unique: we have been given the ability to choose our own mask - a demon or an angel.

Notes

“Kohelet of the Servant”, 12:9, “Midrash Tehillim”, Psalm 9.
Mishnah, "Pea", 8:9.
Shemot of a servant, 5:9.