Any age can be an arena for playing the script "", but its roots are always hidden in childhood. Often this problem interferes with a full life and, most importantly, with self-expression. A person is accompanied by extreme shyness, self-doubt, timidity in decisions and actions, envy against the background of bright selfishness, fear of being ridiculous.

It is possible that low self-esteem will prevent a person from ever achieving any success and taking a worthy position in life.

Causes of low self-esteem

If we talk about the reasons for low self-esteem, then they are rooted in childhood, when the child is unable to make an independent assessment of his own actions, but forms an opinion about himself on the basis of the judgments expressed within his immediate environment. Most often, we are talking about the reaction to the actions of the child on the part of his parents, about the lack of love for him, affection, about excessively high demands, accompanied by incessant criticism. As a result, criticism becomes the norm of his life, and self-esteem falls.

As the next reason for the formation of an underestimated one, the method of education, which involves setting a role model, can be considered. For example, a child is told: “Look how successful your grandfather is, do as he does.” At the subconscious level, an image of an ideal model of behavior is generated, however, attempts to bring it to life encounter obstacles of reality, as a result - a lack of correspondence between reality and the model, and from there - an internal conflict.

Soreness in childhood, or some flaws in appearance, in turn, can cause a decrease in self-esteem. The mockery of peers over shortcomings will certainly cause the progression of low self-esteem. The performance of tasks, successful or not, often throughout life becomes the cause of someone's criticism, and if such criticism is taken to heart, this will also be reflected in the level of one's own assessment.
It also happens that people, due to lack of experience, set themselves the fulfillment of unrealistic goals in too short periods of time. If they are not naturally achieved, such people feel the problems of worsening self-esteem. There is a loss of faith in yourself and in your own strength, the struggle for a dream stops.

Signs of low self-esteem

A characteristic feature that determines the individual level of self-esteem is the assessment of the personality by others. After all, the way a person relates to himself is largely reflected in the attitude of the surrounding society towards him. A person who does not love himself, most likely will not win third-party love either. Self-deprecation is a direct path to a low assessment in the eyes of others.
The natural desire of an individual with signs of low self-esteem will be the search and selection of appropriate partners. Such behavior is quite natural for people who are indecisive and unsure of themselves. Constant complaints about life and its disorder, about circumstances and the fate of helplessness are the lot of people with low self-esteem.
Inability and unwillingness to manage own life leads such people to indefatigable self-pity. They go to the fact that those around them hurt them, criticized them, even made them angry, and all this because of the dependence of their own character, because of the desire for external attention at any cost. Of particular joy is the possibility of getting sick, as a result of which close people show increased attention to them, readiness to serve.
People with low self-esteem have a pronounced tendency to blame anyone but themselves for all the problems that fall on them, with the blame placed on circumstances, on chance, on others. Because of the feeling of being an inferior person, they have a desire to humiliate and insult others. Often, those traits that they do not like in themselves, they see in those who are nearby, accusing them of non-existent sins and condemning them for non-existent actions and shortcomings.

Problems of low self-esteem are manifested not only in actions and in assessments, but. If a person who adequately evaluates himself and his own actions looks liberated and relaxed, then the one who suffers from his own underestimation will stand out from the crowd with lowered shoulders, drooping head, sadness in facial expressions, and constraint of movements. The manner of dressing will also say a lot, because the way a person takes care of himself speaks a lot about his self-esteem.

If you pay attention to the reaction regarding critical statements towards people with a low level of self-esteem, then they instantly take each remark and remark to their own account. If such a person made a mistake and an analysis is taking place, because of which it could have happened, there is no constructivism on his part, and the opponent’s attempt to get to the bottom of the mistake is perceived by him as a personal deep insult.
Due to self-esteem problems, people are unable to dissociate themselves from the problem, they tend to associate dissonant situations with their own personality. Often boastfulness and familiarity, excessively loud self-expression (laughter, conversation) accompany communication with such people who try to put on various masks, but not be themselves. Masks are used to hide from people their own insolvency and self-doubt, which is an attempt to compensate for the lack or lack of inner dignity.

Often individuals suffering from low self-esteem do not have close friends. Dependent on self-hatred, they turn into loners who drop out of society, often turning into overly aggressive and picky individuals, stubborn and at the same time critical. All this is not conducive to the formation of friendly relations.
The dominant fear of making mistakes, the tendency to incessant doubts and hesitation leads to the fact that the individual stops any activity, or postpones it for an indefinite period. A person moves away from decision-making due to the inability to make a choice. So, suppose in a family, this state of affairs can lead to divorce. Marriages often break up, where one of the partners has a strong desire for constant dominance, control of the spouse's actions.

How to get rid of low self-esteem

A low or exaggerated assessment of oneself is the essence of the front and obverse of the medal of rejection of one's own personality. With the slightest failure, an immediate transformation of an overestimated self-esteem into an underestimated one occurs. Or vice versa, even a small success transforms low self-esteem into overestimated. In both cases, self-esteem does not correspond at all to the actual state of affairs. Hence the conclusion - both self-esteem can coexist in one person.

To understand how it is necessary to identify the causes of its origin and re-evaluate them. First of all, it is necessary to understand that along with perceived shortcomings there are real advantages, one should make sure that there are real strengths that can be highly appreciated by third parties. In order to overcome the problem, one should begin to receive joy and pleasure from life, and for this, first build simple plans and implement them, raising one's mood and thereby causing a smile.

To get rid of your low self-esteem, you should start loving yourself as you are, with all the shortcomings and mistakes you make. At the same time, it should be understood that, like all people, in addition to shortcomings, there are also virtues. It is noteworthy that the control appearance, gait, demeanor, lead to noticeable improvements. If you suddenly notice that you are hunched over, look down at your feet, immediately turn your shoulders, look at the world openly, smile, remembering something pleasant, go forward, enjoying every step, breath.

To combat low self-esteem, you should learn to value yourself, intensive reading or doing something that causes genuine pleasure, which is really interesting, can help. Perhaps a change of job is necessary, and if this is not possible, then it is not bad to find an exciting hobby for yourself.
To overcome low self-esteem, self-control and the cultivation of purposefulness in oneself are necessary, which is facilitated by everyday physical activity, which strengthens not only the body, but also the spirit. A favorable attitude towards others, love for one's neighbor, the desire not only to receive from others, but to help them. All this significantly affects the improvement of self-esteem and gives each person weight in their own eyes. In order to change, it is worth starting to believe in yourself, in your own potential and capabilities, to get rid of painful thoughts about your shortcomings.

Low self-esteem- the main enemy of human development as a person. It prevents you from fully communicating with people, achieving success in work, starting relationships and enjoying life. A person who is not self-confident will not be able to become happy and successful, which is why it is so important to love yourself and adequately evaluate your own merits.

Reasons for low self-esteem

Before you fight self-doubt, it is necessary to find out with what it is connected and what is caused. Many psychologists agree that causes of self-doubt It is worth looking for in your childhood and relationships with your parents. When children's achievements constantly go unnoticed, and merits are not appreciated, the child begins to feel useless, he develops an inferiority complex. WITH early years he thinks that he is not worthy of parental praise. Having matured, he believes that he is not worthy of happiness, therefore, deprives himself of many of the joys of life. If parents punished a child in childhood for the slightest oversight, and their merits were not singled out, then in adult life a grown-up person will notice only shortcomings in himself and often belittle his dignity.

Self-doubt can be the result of severe mental trauma from which a person could not recover: divorce, betrayal, betrayal, job loss. At such moments, it is extremely important to pay attention to the problem in time and help native person get out of the situation, support him.

How to overcome self-doubt

Overcoming insecurities and working on your self-esteem is hard labour requiring patience and perseverance. First of all, you need to stop focusing on failures and defeats. Each person makes mistakes, fails, this is an opportunity to get to know yourself and your abilities better in order to understand what qualities are worth developing. The ability to focus on the present will lead to a happy and fulfilling life.

People with low self-esteem are sensitive to opinion of others, their self-image is formed on the basis of praise, said to them, or criticism. You need to learn to be a self-sufficient person who does not take someone else's opinion to heart and does not depend on it. Psychologists advise taking paper and making a list of all your virtues. Every night before going to bed, reread the resulting list. It is also advisable to keep a diary of success and write down your small achievements for the day in it every day.

Constantly comparing yourself to other more successful people leads to depression and interferes with self-development. You need to compare your own past and present achievements in order to succeed in the future. Defeats and failures happen to everyone, even very successful and self-confident people. If you change your attitude to failures and look at them as an opportunity to gain valuable life experience so that next time you don’t make a mistake and be on top, you can overcome any complexes, including self-doubt. Psychologists recommend following the tips below to defeat self-doubt.

• You need to go to an expensive boutique and ask a consultant to show you the item you like, ask about its composition, rules for washing, storage, and price. Then thank you politely and leave.
• Start a conversation with a stranger in a cafe, restaurant, public transport, ask for help (show the way, give a call, ask for money for the trip).
• Every day you should spend at least 20-30 minutes at the mirror, complimenting your reflection, highlighting all the advantages and describing them in detail.

People with low self-esteem do not know how to accept compliments. Sometimes they apologize or point out some shortcoming. Do not be shy to accept compliments and well-deserved words of approval and admiration. In such cases, you should smile and politely thank the interlocutor, and not blush and list the shortcomings. Frequent “thank you,” both by the person and others, is an excellent way to raise self-esteem and relieve the constant nervous tension experienced by insecure people.

The struggle with low self-esteem can be long, but it will only become effective when a person learns to conquer his fears.

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Low self-esteem can manifest itself at any age, but its inclinations are formed by parents in childhood. In modern society, it is a common problem and is characterized by an inadequate vision of the personality itself. This problem can seriously spoil the life of an individual. The main "companions" of low self-esteem include embarrassment, fear of being rejected or rejected, indecision, lack of confidence in personal potential and their own attractiveness, jealousy, cowardice, shyness, excessive touchiness, fear of seeming ridiculous. People with low self-esteem may never become winners. They obviously occupy a disadvantageous position in society.

Causes of low self-esteem

The main reasons for the emergence of low self-esteem include the assessment and influence of parents in childhood, the acceptance of the evaluative opinions of other people as an objective reality, attaching importance to some business in which you defeated, an overestimated level of claims.

Personal self-esteem, like many other things, begins its formation from early childhood. In this period, the baby is not yet able to independently evaluate his actions and actions, so he forms an opinion about himself by suggesting the immediate environment, mainly with the help of parental reactions to all his actions and actions. Not giving children love, attention and affection, parents give birth to low self-esteem in them. Constant criticism of the kids, excessive demands on them is necessarily reflected in their entire future life. Continuous criticism from significant figures for children leads to a very low degree of self-esteem. The child gets used to constant criticism and perceives it as the norm. Therefore, growing up, he will no longer demand a better attitude towards himself.

Another reason for low self-esteem, which originates from childhood, is the use of "shocking duties" in parenting. Excessive use of this method of education can cause children to feel a huge sense of responsibility, which subsequently leads to emotional constraint. Often adults say: "Your father is a respected person, so you should behave like him." In the subconscious of the baby, a reference model is formed, embodying which, he will become good and ideal, however, since. it is not implemented, there is a discrepancy between the ideal and the existing reality.

Childhood illnesses or physical defects can also make a negative contribution to the development of self-esteem. A sick child or a child with visual defects feels different from others. If in childhood peers scoffed at his defects, constantly reminding him of their existence, then such a child will definitely have low self-esteem.

Regardless of the good or bad performance of the task, there are always people who will criticize. If a person takes everything, without exception, the statements of others on faith, then this will certainly affect his self-esteem.

People with low self-esteem of personality are characterized by a steady attachment of great importance to some events or consider themselves deliberately losers in comparison with others. This destroys their self-confidence and personal potential, leads to the loss of a sense of personal dignity, which ultimately leads to low self-esteem.

Often individuals unknowingly set for themselves in order to achieve such high goals and a very short period of time for implementation that their implementation is practically unrealistic. After they fail to achieve these goals, their self-esteem deteriorates significantly. The individual ceases to believe in personal potential, is disappointed in his own abilities and stops making any attempts to realize his dreams.

Signs of low self-esteem

The main sign by which it can be concluded that an individual has a low level of self-esteem is the attitude of others around him to his personality. After all, others intuitively perceive a person in accordance with her self-esteem. Therefore, if a person treats himself with respect and accepts his personality, then he will certainly be accepted and respected by the surrounding society. If a person does not love himself, then one should not expect love from those around him. After all, when an individual himself belittles himself in his own eyes, then it is quite difficult for others to relate to him and think about him differently.

In addition, an individual with low self-esteem will unconsciously choose for himself the same partners in interaction, who once again will only confirm such self-esteem. This behavior comes from the fact that each person seeks to involuntarily certify his self-esteem. Such a tendency for individuals with internal insecurity, indecision and low self-esteem is natural.

The problem of low self-esteem is often accompanied by the habit of constantly complaining about life, circumstances, one’s helplessness, the inability to change anything in the current conditions, the inclination to mentally call oneself unlucky, bad, imperfect, etc.

Feelings of self-pity come from the inability to manage one's own life. People consciously surrender to the mercy of others or circumstances. They are constantly being pushed in one direction or the other. They allow others to upset themselves, hurt, scold, criticize and anger, because they have a dependent nature and love attention, they want to be good to everyone. Often many individuals are glad that they are ill. Indeed, strength lies in weakness - others begin to give them the desired attention to such an extent and are always ready to serve.

People tend to blame and complain about others because they refuse to take responsibility for everything that happens to them. After all, it is much easier to shift the blame to other people or unfortunate circumstances than to realize that the problem lies in oneself. An individual who has a habit of complaining to others and blaming them for his own failures feels like an inferior person and tries to consolidate his position by humiliating others. It is not uncommon for individuals to blame others for what they do not like about themselves or for which they blame themselves. They are eager to condemn in the surrounding individuals precisely those shortcomings and weaknesses that are in themselves.

The problem of low self-esteem also lies in focusing one's attention on one's own shortcomings. People with low self-esteem usually look like this: a downcast head, a sad facial expression, the corners of the mouth are down, stiffness of movement, etc. A person with adequate self-esteem looks more relaxed physically.

The manner of dressing also indicates the adequacy of self-esteem. Hairstyle, clothes, makeup and grooming are a kind of self-presentation of the individual.

Individuals with a low level of self-esteem are characterized by inadequate reactions to criticism. They take any comments and opinions personally. You need to understand that absolutely everyone can make mistakes. Discussion and analysis of mistakes will be constructive if the conversation is conducted with an adequate personality. An individual with a low level of self-esteem perceives the analysis of mistakes as a personal insult, a kind of evidence of his own inferiority, mental trauma.

Low self-esteem prevents such a person from separating his personality from the problem, himself from the situation. People who put on fake masks think they are worse than those around them. In an effort to resist this feeling, they are often familiar, boastful, they speak too loudly, laugh revealingly, or try to strike with their material well-being. Such people do not want to show the surrounding society a true attitude towards themselves. The artificial masks are meant to cover up one's own insecurities, an attempt to make up for a deficit. dignity.

People with low self-esteem tend to be characterized by a lack of close friends. Feeling hostility to their own personality, they become either "loners" who live separately from society, or adhere to the opposite manner of behavior and turn into aggressive, assertive, overly critical, demanding people. None of these behaviors are conducive to friendship.

Low self-esteem can often be accompanied by a fear of making a mistake. Constantly doubting the ability to carry out what others expect of him, the individual usually does nothing at all or may postpone the implementation of actions for a longer period. A person refuses to make a decision, because he believes that he will not be able to make the right choice. The result of low self-esteem of one partner or both spouses at the same time can be a divorce. Basically, such unions break up in which one of the partners feels a strong need to dominate the spouse, control him or completely own him.

How to get rid of low self-esteem

The emergence of inadequate self-assessment is, in fact, a symbiosis of feelings of guilt, resentment, shame, which most often people are not aware of.

Overestimated and underestimated self-esteem are considered two sides of the same coin of non-acceptance of one's personality. Indeed, in the event of the slightest failure, an overestimated level of self-esteem instantly transforms into an underestimated one, and in case of success, an underestimated degree of self-esteem rapidly turns into an overestimated one, so it is never adequate. Therefore, overestimated and underestimated self-esteem can coexist in one person.

How to deal with low self-esteem? Initially, it is necessary to find the causes of its occurrence and rethink them.

Dealing with low self-esteem begins with realizing your own strengths and weaknesses, making sure that you have wonderful qualities and strengths that are worthy of respect and appreciation. You can play a fairly simple game with yourself that consists of doing three things every day that bring you joy. You need to start living for yourself, so you should make the simplest plans and fulfill them, live with a good mood, a positive attitude, smile more often and praise yourself regularly.

Low self-esteem, what to do? First you need to love yourself with all the flaws, mistakes, defects and shortcomings. You should try to understand that you, like any other person, are not only made up of shortcomings, but also have a lot of advantages and advantages.

You need to learn how to take care of yourself, your gait, demeanor, etc. If you notice that you are walking down the street, looking at your feet, then look ahead, put a smile on your face, remember the pleasant moments of life and boldly go towards your dream.

How to deal with low self-esteem? Very simple! You just need to start appreciating yourself. And for this, give yourself the opportunity to do what you have a soul for, start reading more. Maybe you need to change jobs? If this is not possible, then find yourself a favorite hobby.

Working with low self-esteem is self-control and willpower training. Active rest, physical exercises, daily workouts, contrast showers - ideally strengthen the body and spirit.

How to get rid of low self-esteem? The answer to this question lies in a good attitude towards others and love for one's neighbor. Try to help people, do not avoid asking for help if you can help. This will give you value in your own eyes.

Change your mind to the world and society. Get rid of the constant depressing thoughts about the need to increase the level of self-esteem. Such thoughts will not lead to a good result. The most important rule on the way to adequate self-esteem is faith in oneself, personal potential and one's own strengths.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

The article deals with the phenomenon of low self-esteem: general concept, causes and ways of correcting a person's opinion about himself.

To answer this question, we must first consider the general concept of self-esteem.

So, a person has two ideas about himself - "I" is real and "I" is ideal. The real "I" is a person's opinion about the present himself, about what he is. “I” ideal is what he would like to be.

Self-esteem characterizes the satisfaction of a person with his movement from the real "I" to the ideal. If self-esteem is high, then the person is close to his personal ideal, and when it is low, then he is infinitely far from it.

Self-esteem can be: adequate and inadequate. A person's self-esteem can be high, medium, or low.

Such self-esteem is not a problem for a person if he soberly evaluates himself, i.e. knows his strengths and weak sides and is aimed at harmonizing his personality and approaching the ideal "I".

Psychology considers only overestimated or underestimated self-esteem as a problem and considers it inadequate.

In our article, we will leave aside high self-esteem and focus on a person’s low opinion of his person and consider its main causes, signs and talk about how to deal with low self-esteem.

Our focus will be:

• men;
• women;
• children;
• teenagers;

Causes

In men

A man's self-esteem is made up of several factors:

1. social status. For a modern man, it is important what position he occupies in society, how much he is in demand. A man is much more painful than a woman is experiencing the lack of work and the inability to be realized in society, he suffers greatly from the inability to apply himself. Naturally, this affects his self-esteem.
2. . If a man feels like a specialist when his case is arguing, then this has a beneficial effect on his self-esteem. Otherwise, when a person has not achieved anything in the professional field, or he does not work in his specialty, then his assessment falls.
3. The ratio of successes and failures. It is also a very important factor influencing a person's self-esteem. The ratio of victories and defeats in the life of each person depends on his opinion about himself.
4. The opinion of others. If a man is vain and greedy for compliments, admiration and fame, then he will depend on public opinion. From what other people say about him.
5. The success of a man on the love front. The parameter is the last in the list, but not the last in value. For some men, for whom the attention of women is more important than their career, the recognition of others and even material wealth, it is failures on the love front that hurt the most, and the inability to create a strong and harmonious family greatly affects self-esteem.

Among women

A woman's self-esteem is made up of the same blocks as a man's, but their ratio is slightly different:

1. The success of a woman on the love front. For better or worse, for most women, self-esteem directly depends on their success in the bride market. Girls get very upset when no one looks at them from the guys.
2. Social status (marital status). For most girls social status closes on them marital status. And a girl who is already over 20, 25, 30, but she is not yet married, is having a hard time with her loneliness, and self-esteem, accordingly, falls.
3. Opinion of others. Superficial girls or deep, one way or another, more men depend on the opinions of others. And even if women are independent, whole and strive for professional and personal self-realization, they still listen anxiously to the whispers of other people about themselves.
4. Competence or level of professionalism. For those women for whom the wedge light has not converged on men, family and children, professional self-realization is also very important, and they are very upset when society tries to impose on them the gender and social role of “mother”, “wife” or “lover” and bury them within these limits.
5. The ratio of successes and failures. Women are the least dependent on victories and defeats, because they are much more flexible than men in psychological terms. No matter how bad it is, they will still be able to cope with all the problems.

Thus, the reasons for the lowering of self-esteem in both men and women grow out of a discrepancy between what is and what a person wants, i.e. between the real self and the ideal self.

Guilty of disharmony can be either one of the parameters stated above, or their group. Variations of discrepancies are so diverse that it is impossible even to count them.

Teenagers

The leading needs of a teenager (age period from 11 to 17 years) are:

• thirst for acceptance;
• desire for understanding.

Moreover, a teenager must be accepted and understood first of all by his reference group, i.e. friends, for him it is very important. Parents and relatives in this period of time for a teenager are far from in the first place, but it would be nice if parents also surround the child with warmth and understanding at this time.

Accordingly, if these needs are not met, then a person's self-esteem will go down sharply.

In children

It is even easier with children than with teenagers. In young children, relationships in the family are reflected as in a mirror. Of course, factors such as:

• the number of children in the family;
• family wealth;
• the position of the child in the family (senior, middle, youngest).

signs

The main symptom of low self-esteem is self-doubt and self-doubt. Uncertainty and fear cover all age groups, only this is expressed in each group in different ways:

1. Men and women do not take responsibility (at work or in love relationships). They are afraid, "as if something did not work out." Uncertainty casts a huge shadow over their entire lives: work, family and life prospects are in big question. In society, human efficiency is now most valued, and uncertainty reduces performance and leaves both a woman and a man behind the board of personal and social achievements.
2. Children and teenagers. Low self-esteem and its companion insecurity make children inactive and withdrawn, and adolescents unsociable and aggressive.

What to do with your own insecurities

To kid

A person who has just entered this world cannot do anything with his uncertainty. He can't get rid of her on his own. Parents, first of all, should think about the relationships that reign in the family. If the child is on the defensive and does not talk about his problems, then he can be taken to a psychologist.

The level of confidence in a child can be increased if love, mutual respect, and small man will be immersed in an atmosphere of universal trust.

Teenager

A guy or a girl is no longer so dependent on their parents. They can raise their self-confidence levels on their own. There are two ways:

1. Compensation. Suppose a person has a complex - he is physically weak. But instead of “dying” in the gym, a guy (or girl) goes to a drawing or singing circle and “knocks out into people” with the help of newly acquired skills.
2. Hyper compensation. The guy does not have enough physical strength, and he does not want to look for easy ways, but goes straight to the gym and builds muscle mass there (the case of Arnold Schwarzenegger) or to the kickboxing section (the case of Jean-Claude Van Damme). And thus he kills two birds with one stone: on the one hand, he becomes stronger, and on the other hand, he deserves the respect of his peers.

Compensation and overcompensation exist independently of each other and are not morally colored in any way. Each person chooses the path that is close to him.

Compensation and hypercompensation are similar only in one thing - this is a correction that involves the most powerful inner work of a person.

man

For a man, the only way to increase self-esteem is to study. Modern world involves constant self-improvement. If a person does not want to develop, then he quickly lags behind and, accordingly, self-esteem falls for objective reasons.

If a man is paralyzed by low self-esteem, and he cannot decide to act, even though he can do a lot, he can do a lot, then he needs to turn to a psychologist to get the necessary boost of confidence, to take his will.

Independent techniques for working with consciousness are ineffective, especially when a person does not have the habit of internal work.

The calculation here is very simple: a man studies, improves his qualifications and professionalism, achieves success, moves forward, raises his social status, deserves the respect of others, the love of women and the envy of other men. Everything, he is a winner.

woman

To increase self-esteem, a woman needs to really represent herself. Now you can’t just be a “mother”, “wife” and “lover”. Or rather, it is possible, of course, but such women are not competitive and are totally dependent on men, which is not very good, first of all, for the fair sex themselves.

Women have a wonderful advantage - they can be careless and master the technique of self-deception, they are able to inject themselves with an injection of confidence without resorting to psychologists and psychotechnics.

How? Very simple: new acquaintances, new clothes and self care. If a woman realizes that she is beautiful and desirable, and this belief is reinforced by a couple of victories on the love front, then self-esteem will increase dramatically.

Summing up

Thus, low self-esteem is terrible, first of all, by self-doubt. You can overcome uncertainty different ways, and for each person there is an individual recipe for gaining strength.

Nevertheless, it is possible to summarize what was said above and form several capacious rules for women, men, adolescents and children:

• Adult men and women can overcome self-doubt only by constantly improving themselves. To do this, you need to soberly assess your strengths and weaknesses, not be afraid and not hide them from your inner gaze. We need to make learning in a global sense our main life activity. The more people know, the more success they will have in life. Of course, there are limited people who do not suffer from low self-esteem at all, but this is not something to strive for.
• Teenagers compensation or overcompensation may help. For example, the boy is weak and frail. He is offended at school, but he does not moan, does not cry, but goes to learn to play the guitar, and after two or three years, he is already a favorite of girls and an idol of guys - this is compensation. Or another option: instead of a music school, the same guy goes to the karate section, and after a few years he is already a thunderstorm of the school - this is hypercompensation.
• Small children are dependent on their parents, so the recommendation is rather the second: love more, spend more time with your child. The atmosphere of love, care and understanding between all family members should reign in the family, and then the child will have high self-esteem.

It should also be remembered that self-esteem is a relative characteristic and is constantly floating. Also, having a low, high, or average self-image doesn't guarantee anything, it's just a tool.

There are good professionals with a general low self-esteem, but they achieve more in life than self-satisfied ignoramuses. Nevertheless, it is better to respect yourself, love and constantly work on yourself.

Video: The problem of low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is a very common phenomenon. No less common are various guides on how to properly deal with low self-esteem.

Guides and various trainings are a dime a dozen, but for some reason, people with an inadequate assessment of themselves loved (in this case, unloved) are not decreasing around. Let's analyze what advice is usually given in this case and try to check whether they are effective or not. And of course, as usual, let's look at the problem differently, coming to effective advice.

So, what is usually advised to people who want to get rid of low self-esteem? Popular psychology offers the following beautiful recipes:

• Don't compare yourself to others, learn to accept yourself the way you are.
• never scold or criticize yourself
• do not listen to other people's negative opinions
• ask family and friends to tell you what's good about you
• find good traits in yourself on your own - write 20 of your positive qualities
• start leading (success diary)
• , by all means tune in to
• communicate only with confident successful people
• ACT!!! (this very, ha ha, specific advice is usually credited at the end), don't be afraid to live!

We will not discuss these rules for a long time. I will only note that all of them are aimed at direct work with the conscious and subconscious. All of them have, in general, one single purpose: to hammer into a person’s head that he is just a miracle and low self-esteem has no right to exist. I have already conducted a more detailed analysis of such advice:. Here I will only note that games with the subconscious do not lead to good: here you need the intervention of an excellent specialist (try, find him), otherwise you can mess up such firewood that even ten professors who have eaten a dog in applied psychology will not be raked. And "firewood" can be, for example, an even greater decrease in self-esteem. Yes, and do not forget that following all the above tips (and usually they are given even more) will eat up a rather large fraction of your time and effort.

Have you ever thought that in modern popular psychology (and in society in general) self-esteem as such is given too much great importance? Why on earth is this purely psychological, scientific concept brought to light and flashed on the pages of glossy magazines and blogs "great success"? (Here, even I am no exception ...)

In my opinion, when a person is labeled “low self-esteem” and taught how to improve it, this does not lead to good. The label additionally limits the person and gives rise to new complexes in him. He begins to blame his self-esteem in many ways, begins to look for the consequences of his “wrongness” in all matters. And finds them, of course!

Therefore, I will not yet offer advice on how to increase low self-esteem. I suggest doing a little experiment: do without self-esteem at all. Stop throwing rotten tomatoes, look at the facts soberly.

The way we evaluate ourselves affects different areas of our life: business (work, business), communication with people, relationships with a partner, our mood and general satisfaction with life.

But what if you adjust your life so that the level of self-esteem affects it to a minimum? (Completely, of course, it will not be possible to exclude its influence, because it is part of our personality. But do they put a fixing bandage or splint on the sore spot of the body until it heals? And it works! It's the same principle here).

How to do it? Like that:

in business. Problem: Low self-esteem prevents you from taking on ambitious projects and new beginnings. Exit: careful soberness of all cases, without involving emotions and subjective assessments. For information on how to reason in this case (example), see the article.

In dealing with people. Problem: insecure communication, inability to correctly navigate in an unfamiliar situation, not knowing how to behave with strangers and new people, with overly self-confident people, etc. Output: again, call on the help of the mind! Make a dozen or two personal communication rules. How to behave in such a situation, how to behave in such a situation. Think of different occasions (at work, on public transport, in a shop, in a taxi…). Having ready-made schemes of worthy behavior and following them, you will communicate much more effectively. It is clear that you cannot foresee everything (and it is unnecessary: ​​excessive enthusiasm for this advice, like any other, is harmful)

Regarding the mood. Problem: Negative self-image spoils the mood and kills the joy of life. The way out: to kill something kills, but only if you sit, sorry, on your ass exactly and cradle your self-esteem. And is it necessary? Go in search of entertainment, dive deeper into work, start a new hobby ... Live, and do not think (in the sense - not constructively) about life. Mood is the result of actions and behavior.

In a relationship with a partner. Everything here is purely individual, it is simply silly to give any recommendations. But you can give them to yourself, can't you? There would be a wish...

Let's summarize.
I do not urge everyone who has problems with self-esteem to immediately start living without it at all, as described in the second part of the article. Moreover, there are ways to raise it more or less effectively, and I will talk about them later. However, the described method may also suit someone (having learned to do without the notorious self-esteem, you gradually increase it). The main purpose of the article is to show that self-assessment did not converge like a wedge. Problems with her are not a reason to become discouraged and hang stupid labels on yourself. And you can live, enjoy life and achieve success with any self-esteem.

Interesting? Healthy? to be aware! Source - when copying materials, an active indexed link is required!