A chance meeting with a friend of youth, whom we have long lost sight of; emergency situation on the road; speaking in front of an unfamiliar audience; the long-awaited first "mom" or "dad" from the mouth of a child - many events daily awaken our emotions. We are embarrassed by them, afraid to look ridiculous from the outside, restrain ourselves and think that we control them. And yet, emotions keep getting the better of us.

Double standards

Perhaps the fact is that we grew up in a society where the ability to control our feelings - "rule ourselves" - has always been considered a virtue. Self-control, like a vigilant guardian, constantly reminds us: it is indecent to behave too emotionally, it is impossible to openly show our anger, it is necessary to hide our fear, restrain excitement and even joy.

Any strong emotional reaction may seem inappropriate, funny, even obscene and be perceived as a manifestation of our weakness.

There are not so many exceptions: it is the joy or anxiety experienced by many people at once who find themselves in certain circumstances. So, it's natural to shout and chant slogans together at a football stadium or empathize together at the TV screen, on which a tsunami wave sweeps away a peaceful beach. But, let's say, dancing in the office on the occasion of a promotion, to put it mildly, is not accepted - just as it is not customary to openly experience one's grief.

Rigid self-control creates a certain psychological comfort for us: ritualized manifestations of emotions somewhat soften the state of affect (strong short-term emotional experience) and regulate it. But at the same time, self-control is frustrating, creating a dangerous gap between how we feel and how we behave.

Through emotions, we express our true "I" and become more understandable to other people. In addition, emotions are necessary for us to survive.

Those who are prevented from living by their own emotionality sometimes try to “drown out” it with the help of a miraculous pill. Many blame their own parents for their, as they think, excessive sensitivity, who raised them “incorrectly”. But both do not know or forget how important the manifestation of emotions is for our lives. Thanks to them, we express our true "I" and become more understandable to other people. In addition, emotions are necessary for our survival.

In this sense, by suppressing our emotions, we literally put ourselves at risk, because each of them plays a special role.

Fear alerts us to real or imagined danger. It captures what is significant for our life at the moment. Fear not only receives information, but also gives commands to the body: directs blood to the legs, if you need to run, or to the head, if you need to think. As a rule, fear mobilizes our energy, although sometimes its effect is the opposite: it paralyzes us while we decide what to do in a particular situation.

Anger sometimes confused with the violence it can provoke. As a rule, this feeling covers a person when he suspects that he is not taken seriously (and some people live with this feeling all the time). But anger can also be useful: it causes the release of hormones (including adrenaline) into the blood, and they, in turn, provide a powerful burst of energy. And then we feel our strength, we feel courage and self-confidence. In addition, anger tells us that we have reached the point where we can no longer control ourselves - in a sense, it replaces the manifestation of violence.

Joy acts like a magnet: it attracts others and helps you share your feelings. It is also known that a smile and laughter have a healing effect, enhancing the body's immune defenses.

Woe helps to withdraw into oneself in order to survive the loss ( loved one, some qualities in oneself, material objects...) and return the energy of life. It allows you to “overcome yourself”, adapt to the loss and rediscover the lost meaning of what is happening. In addition, the experience of grief attracts the sympathy and attention of other people - and we feel more secure.

Joy- the most desired emotion. It is she who releases the maximum amount of energy, stimulating the release of hormones of pleasure. We feel confidence, our own importance, freedom, we feel that we love and are loved. Joy acts like a magnet: it draws others to us and helps us share our feelings. It is also known that a smile and laughter have a healing effect, enhancing the body's immune defenses.

Mind and feelings

Another major virtue of emotions is that they make us smarter. For a long time, science in a sense devalued them, placed them below the thinking mind. After all, from the point of view of evolution, emotions were born in the depths of the “prehuman” archaic mind and are closely related to the instinctive behavior of animals. New parts of the cerebral cortex, which, in particular, are responsible for the processes of conscious thinking, appeared much later.

But today it is known that in its pure form the mind does not exist - it is fed by emotions. The American neurologist Antonio Damasio proved that knowledge that is not accompanied by emotions is fruitless, and an emotionally cold person is not able, for example, to learn from his mistakes. It is interesting that children and adults learn and remember something new only against the background of a positive and sufficiently strong emotional impulse, which, figuratively speaking, opens the door to new area neural connections.

In a professional environment, the most successful are not specialists with many diplomas, but those who are able to analyze their feelings and manage both their own and other people's emotions

Perception also does not exist without emotion. Every word we perceive, every gesture, smell, taste, image is immediately "interpreted" by our senses. Without emotions, we would turn into automatons and drag out a rather colorless existence.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman introduced the concept of "emotional intelligence" into scientific circulation. He came to the conclusion that our personal success depends not so much on IQ, a measure of intellectual development how much from emotional quotient(EQ).

Based on experimental data, he proved that in a professional environment, it is not specialists with many diplomas who become the most successful, but those who have valuable human qualities - the ability to analyze their feelings and manage both their own and other people's emotions.

When such people, for example, ask for help to solve a problem, others readily respond, while “emotionally disabled” (with low EQ) can wait several days for an answer to their request ...

The voice of the unconscious

Emotions tell us the most important information about ourselves or about what we are dealing with, and therefore they should be trusted, listened to and rely on them. At first glance, this existential position seems to contradict personal experience many of us: more than once we were mistaken, following the tastes of feelings.

The greatest German philosopher Max Scheler explained this contradiction by the existence of two types of sensations. On the one hand, there are contact sensations that act like the mechanism of touch.

When we feel joy, we feel better, we can relax, we worry less, which means we are able to experience “more life”. If something upsets or angers us, we almost physically feel that our health and energy are being taken away from us - “part of life”. Contact feelings convey important information about the existential significance of what is happening for my health, my vitality. But such feelings (often coming from childhood) should not be relied upon in making decisions, it is important to be able to remove them, put them out of the brackets.

If you look back at your life, you will surely notice that all the most important and correct decisions in it were made relying on instinct: rational explanations usually come later.

Another kind of sensations - distant. They are not directly related to our current state, but they capture something very significant about the other person. This is a well-known intuitive feeling. It is it that prompts us to ask a loved one: “Did something happen to you?” Or orders: “We urgently need to call home!”

We are not taught to listen to distant feelings, but they allow us to instantly assess the atmosphere in a group of people, to form an impression of an interlocutor or a situation. If you look back at your life, you will surely notice that all the most important and correct decisions in it were made relying on your instincts: rational explanations usually come later.

Trust in your emotions can and should be educated and trained. It is only important not to confuse contact feelings, which communicate about us personally, with distant ones, speaking about another person.

High voltages

When the power of experiences is too great, our psychological defense mechanisms turn on - and we no longer feel anything. Depression, apathy, stupor - this is how it looks from the outside, but from the inside, the person simply no longer hurts, as with anesthesia. We transform suppressed ("forgotten") emotions into bodily sensations, erasing the relationship between the emotional experience and what caused it.

Sometimes emotions take the form of their opposite. Sadness is sometimes expressed in euphoric excitement; joy - in tears; sometimes we can laugh out loud - if only despair does not crush us. Psychological defense mechanisms deplete our mental and physical strength and almost always turn out to be ineffective: at some point, true feelings break through and overwhelm us.

Those who successfully hide their emotions are also subject to their pressure. You can fake laughter, play anger, lie about your true feelings, but it’s still impossible to pretend forever: sooner or later they will come out. So it's better to be able to accept them for who they are.

You are quick-tempered or hypersensitive, notorious or paralyzed with fear ... Try to master some simple exercises that will help to harmonize your emotions.

You are notorious

You hold back, not allowing yourself to express either anger or joy ... Your behavior has a motive that is not easy for you to recognize. The way out is to “let go” of yourself, to release your feelings.

Try to express feelings with gestures

Words are important, but 90% of our emotions are expressed by facial expressions, by the body. A smile, posture, gestures - even a simple shrug of the shoulders says more about our attitude to what is happening than long speeches ...

Recognize the existence of emotions

If a child is afraid of wolves, it is useless to convince him that they are not found in our forests. Accepting his feelings, parents may ask: “What can I do to calm you down?” There is no shame in being afraid, there is no need to be ashamed of fears.

None of our emotions are dangerous, they are our allies, from whom you should not constantly expect a dirty trick.

Keep a diary

You are paralyzed by fear

The higher the "bets" (i.e., the more you lose when you lose and the greater the reward for winning), the more you panic. You are so afraid of failure that you mentally draw the most catastrophic scenarios, and you give up. The way out is to master your feelings and overcome the "paralysis" of the will.

Who is the person who inspires fear in you? Maybe the teacher who tormented you as a child, or the neighbor who wouldn't let you through? Each stressful situation awakens in us the memory of one that we experienced in the past, often in the first six years of life. And the feeling of fear that we could not overcome returns to us again.

Breathe right

Concentrate on your breathing: lengthen your exhalations and shorten your inhalations to neutralize your internal sensations.

Remember your successes

About, for example, how you brilliantly passed an exam or won a tennis set from a friend. By building on past successes and the pleasures associated with them, you can overcome the desire to see catastrophic scenarios of events that have not yet taken place.

Prepare for the test

Consider possible options for the event, determine what you want to achieve in any case, and what you can give in to ... This will help you better control your emotions.

Look at the interlocutor, but not directly in the eyes, but at the point between them

You will be able to focus on what you say, and not on what you read in his eyes ...

You are hot-tempered

The way out is to learn how to control your feelings and manage a conflict situation.

Do not accumulate claims

The more you accumulate them in yourself, the more you risk breaking loose. By speaking out about your grievances, you are helping yourself avoid outbursts of unbridled anger.

Learn to Express Feelings Clearly

Name the feeling that bothers you. Without complaining or blaming, say openly: "I'm having problems at work, I'm stressed out and don't know what to do."

Pause

The brain needs time to make a decision and take control of the situation. Relax the solar plexus: inhaling deeply, hold your breath for a few seconds, exhale and wait before inhaling again. From time to time close your eyes for 2-3 seconds: turning off visual signals reduces tension.

American psychotherapist Haim Ginott advises to build your statements according to the scheme: “When you did (a) X, I felt (a) Y, and at that moment I wanted you to do (a) Z.” For example: “When you reproached me for being late, I felt guilty. It would be better if you hugged me instead of scolding me.

Lend a helping hand

Before you respond with aggression to aggression, ask the “aggressor”: “Is something wrong with you?” Or offer him a truce: "I'm starting to get nervous, let's take a break, cool down."

You are hypersensitive

You react sharply to both critical remarks and compliments. The way out is to establish a balanced relationship with people.

Don't focus on yourself

You worry too much about what others think of you. Try to step away from yourself a little and show empathy (empathy). Learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes. What is he thinking about? What is going through? This change of perspective helps to change the strategy of the relationship.

Don't try to be loved by everyone

Sometimes it’s worth taking a chance and agreeing that someone will not like your actions, but will complicate someone’s life. It is impossible to avoid manifestations of rivalry, antipathy, incompatibility of characters. The more clearly you realize this, the easier it will be for you to accept it, and the harder it will be for others to deceive you.

Try to find "trigger" situations

Make a list of situations in which you are especially vulnerable and words that provoke your inappropriate behavior. Faced with them again, you can recognize them and not get confused.

Avoid categorical forecasts

Addressing yourself in a commanding tone (“I have to make a career!”) Or in a minor tone (“I will probably live all my life alone (on) ...”) is not good for you: you feel the weight of guilt for your troubles, and this weakens your vitality and does not allow you to tune in to victory.

PHOTO Getty Images

"When I was in kindergarten, a boy in my group threw my favorite book off the balcony,” says 20-year-old Anna. “I remember crying terribly—not because of the book, but because I hated that boy.” main feature hypersensitivity - strong emotions that can arise due to the most insignificant reasons.

Some of us are just more acutely aware of everything that happens to them, and this is not necessarily a bad thing. According to psychologist Elaine Aron, there are approximately 20% of hypersensitive people (hypersensitives) in society. This means that one or more of your acquaintances, friends or relatives, most likely, belongs to their number.

Here's what to remember when dealing with hypersensitives. Elaine Eyron is a psychologist and author of The Hypersensitive Nature. How to succeed in a crazy world” (Azbuka-Atticus, 2014).

1. They cry a lot

Hypersensitive people may cry when they are happy, sad, or irritated. This does not mean that they are bad. They just experience everything that happens to them very intensely, and tears help emotional release.

2. They are not necessarily introverted.

Introversion can go hand in hand with hypersensitivity, but this is not always the case. In fact, as Elaine Ayron discovered, 30% of hypersensitive people are extroverts. Often they require even more attention because they find it difficult to regulate their emotional state, they are more dependent on others and may experience a kind of intoxication from impressions.

3. They get nervous when they have to make a decision.

The ability to quickly and confidently make decisions is not the strongest feature of hypersensitivity. Even when it comes to such banal things as choosing a cafe for lunch. The reason is that they are very afraid of making the wrong choice: suddenly the food in the cafe will be too expensive, the music will be too loud, the waiters will ignore them, and their companion will not like it there.

4. They react to the slightest change.

“If you are used to ending messages with a smiley, but this time you put an end to it, be sure: we will definitely note this,” says Anna. “And we’ll probably start to get nervous.” Hypersensitives tend to be very sensitive to what's going on in their environment and instantly notice when things aren't going their way.

5. They are always ready to listen.

If you need a friendly shoulder, feel free to contact them. Hypersensitives can make small talk, but they do best in the role of an attentive listener. You can be sure that they will not interrupt you, will not become distracted and change the subject.

6. They hate noise and loud noises.

A high-speed train, car horns, overly sociable colleagues... All this not only annoys us - we suffer, as if every sound is driven into our heads with a hammer. According to Elaine Ayron, it's all about the reduced threshold of sensitivity, because of which any stimulus is felt more strongly.

7. Their work habits are quite unusual.

The ideal option is to work at home or in any quiet place. This allows you to focus and keep your nerves in order. “Hypersensitivity people are able to take advantage of their ability to observe,” says Elaine Ayron. “They have a knack for thinking about ideas and then presenting them in a way that will be taken seriously.” Their analytical skills and attentiveness to other people's comments make them excellent teammates (as long as they are not put in charge of making major decisions).

8. They don't like to tickle their nerves.

A horror movie or a thriller is not the best choice if you want to invite a hypersensitive person to the cinema. The tendency to empathize, combined with an increased susceptibility to emotionally charged images, can cause shock in them.

9. They don't take criticism well.

Avoidance of anything that can cause too much excitement, a hallmark of hypersensitivity. As a result, they try to do everything possible so that they themselves do not hurt the feelings of others and not cause their displeasure.

10. They take everything personally.

When communicating with hypersensitives, avoid ridicule. Of course, they themselves can love good jokes and try to relate to life with humor, but even the hint that something may be wrong with them makes them nervous.

11. They are very sensitive to pain.

Pain is also a kind of stimulation. Not surprisingly, hypersensitives perceive it more acutely. Elaine Ayron's research has confirmed that hypersensitive people have a low pain threshold, and the expectation of pain (for example, in the dentist's office) can make you feel pain even when no one touches them.

12. They dream about deep relationships.

Hypersensitives find it difficult to make new acquaintances. The stress of uncertainty, the expectation of possible awkwardness, the painful guessing of what the interlocutor is thinking, all this tires them. Hypersensitive people tend to find a reliable, empathetic partner with whom they can relax and who they can completely trust.

13. They can't change that about themselves.

Hypersensitivity is not just a whim or a lack of character. Elaine Eyron found that areas of the brain associated with empathy and cognition in hypersensitive people become more aroused when they are shown photos of a face with traces of strong emotions. In other words, this behavior is biologically programmed.

If your environment has hypersensitive person try to be sensitive to it. Most likely, he himself understands his own characteristics well, therefore he behaves carefully and considerately. But he expects understanding from you too.

Text: Grisha Prophets

Highly sensitive people, or highly sensitive people, especially susceptible to external stimulation, the emotions of others, and the details of the world around them in general. We tell you who they are and how to understand if you are one of them.

Who are highly sensitive people?

Highly sensitive people (we will call them highly sensitive people), or HSP, or HSP are people who react more intensely than others to the world. Both positive and negative information are processed more attentively by such people, so they can be overwhelmed and overwhelmed by external stimuli - when they are too much or they are too intense. Such people pay a lot of attention to all sensations: tastes, touches, sounds and smells. They are especially sensitive to emotions, their own and others. The press calls them new introverts: highly sensitive people have been especially written about lately, although the phenomenon was defined back in the mid-90s.

Who introduced this concept?

Psychologist Elaine N. Aron identified highly sensitive people for the first time
in his book The Highly Sensitive Person, published in 1996. Aron lived in San Francisco and began studying HSP with her husband Arthur in 1991. Aron describes HSPs as those who are "increasedly sensitive to stimulation" and who are "more aware of details and nuances and process information more deeply, more reflectively than others." Aron believed that Carl Jung, Emily Dickinson, and Rainer Maria Rilke were highly sensitive people and that they generally "are usually poets, writers, teachers, doctors, scientists, and philosophers." It is believed that 20% of the world's population are highly sensitive people.

Why are they suddenly talking about?

The term and Aron's book were not exactly forgotten, no - other researchers wrote about HSP, and scientific articles were published about them, but it was in last years the media turned on them Special attention. The Huffington Post wrote about how highly sensitive people interact with the world differently, The Wall Street Journal wrote about the phenomenon, even Scientific American remembered Aron and her ideas. IN scientific world interest in them is also growing: for example, the first conference dedicated to high sensitivity was held in Brussels. About the HHL phenomenon comes out documentary called "Sensitive", in which, for example, the singer Alanis Morissette starred, who considers herself a highly sensitive person.

Why single out highly sensitive people when introverts already exist?

Because this is a psychological - and neurobiological - category of people according to completely different indicators. Aron developed a 27-point sensitivity scale to highlight HSPs; and, as with introverts, it's not just a binary system, you're not just either a highly sensitive person or not, there is a gradation here. If introverts are primarily defined by their relationships with other people, highly sensitive people are generally defined by their relationship to the world. However, like introverts, HSPs may like to be alone to give their brain a break from stimulation. For example, if you often cry at the cinema, or you are annoyed by strong smells, or you are imbued with the emotions of other people at the most unexpected moments. And this is important to study: because if you understand that you are a highly sensitive person, you can better arrange your life, for example, try to work in quiet and calm places.

Do HSPs really exist?

Yes, sure. They are distinguished by many psychologists and neuroscientists. Hundreds of studies have been devoted to high sensitivity, from brain scans to genetic analyses. Research into the brains of HSPs shows that their brain processes are different from those of other people: HSPs are more empathetic, more attentive to their surroundings, and more understanding of other people. The catch is that, of course, there is a trap here, as with introverts: after the word and idea became popular, many began to call themselves highly sensitive people, even those who technically do not belong to them. Everyone wants to consider themselves special, so I want to believe that we understand the world around us deeper and more subtle than others.

Highly sensitive people are a gift to mankind. Although they are sometimes mistaken for being weak, they are actually very empathic and able to demonstrate a high degree understanding and care. Such individuals have a unique ability. They can resist a cold and indifferent society and remain as open and understanding as ever.

High sensitivity is caused by genetics

According to scientific research, high sensitivity is caused by genetics, in particular a highly sensitive nervous system. This makes the person very subtly perceive everything that is around her, and react more vividly and emotionally to it.

How do genes influence this? To do this, you need to understand such concepts as temperament and personality. Temperament is a set of innate features that determine how a person will see this world. This is a complex phenomenon that is literally woven into human DNA. Personality is what a person turns into under the influence of his temperament, life experience, value system, education and many other factors. Personality is the result of the influence of both external factors and society, and behavior.

If you portray it visually, then the temperament resembles a blank canvas, while the personality chooses what it will paint on this canvas. At the same time, personality can change for various reasons, while temperament remains unchanged. Thus, high sensitivity is the result of how the temperament of a particular person manifests itself in his personality.

The brains of highly sensitive people are different

According to scientific research, the brains of highly sensitive people are able to process much more information coming from environment compared to those who do not have this trait. Such people see more and more figuratively, constantly create specific associations, and such people have high level intuition.

The brain of sensitive people perceives, evaluates, processes and synthesizes information constantly. That is why they seem so absorbed, tired and even absent-minded. Unlike other people, such individuals need more frequent rest.

How to learn to deal with high sensitivity?

Now that you understand the nature of this phenomenon, you can work out certain steps on the way to learning to live with high sensitivity. Here are some ideas and tips that will help you understand yourself or understand the people around you who have this feature:

• Being a sensitive person is not a curse. Accept and love yourself just the way you are.
• Allow yourself to show emotion. Don't hide everything you feel just so you don't stand out from the crowd.
• Learn to understand that the world really needs people like you. Sensitivity shows us that we are people, and keeps society from plunging into indifference, inertia and coldness.
• Give yourself time to rest. Highly sensitive people easily succumb to unreasonable anxiety, depression. Learn to recognize when your emotional state is starting to get high and you need to take a break.
• For a highly sensitive soul, loneliness can be one of the most valuable and positive things. Remember to just be alone with yourself sometimes.

In addition, people with high sensitivity are not only very kind and gentle, they are also able to very deeply understand and perceive the mood and emotions of the people they love. They know how to listen, hear, understand and really empathize, which undoubtedly refers to the best human qualities.

Conclusion

High sensitivity is not an indicator of weakness, but on the contrary, it shows that you are still not indifferent and cold, like most modern society. There is no shame in showing your emotions, because they are what make such people so unique and unrepeatable. Thanks to the existence of such personalities, our world still remains humane, warm and not indifferent.

Approximately every fifth individual is characterized by increased psychological vulnerability, and this applies not only to people. Higher vertebrates can also be divided into two groups - sensitive and coarser. The latter are determined and more willing to take risks. We humans are divided not only by gender, but also by belonging to one of two psychological types. And the difference between these types is often more significant than between the sexes.

Hypersensitivity is a phenomenon noticed by psychologists for a long time, but before it was called differently, for example, introversion. According to American psychologist Elaine Eyron, who first described the features of an oversensitive personality, she herself believed for some time that introversion and oversensitivity were the same thing, until she found that 30% of oversensitive people are extroverts.

“Hypersensitive individuals are called constrained, anxious or shy. These qualities can really manifest themselves if such people find themselves in an unusual environment, not finding support and help from others. However, it should be noted that, despite the difficulties that we experience in unusual conditions, in a familiar and peaceful environment, we are happier than everyone else.

That we are more difficult to tolerate unfamiliar environments and are happier in a calm atmosphere is scientifically proven: according to the study, children whose reaction to difficulties was sharply negative (that is, hypersensitive children) were more likely to get sick and make mistakes when they found themselves in a hostile environment. However, in a familiar peaceful environment, the same children got sick less often than the rest.

Observation and thoughtfulness

The nervous system of hypersensitive individuals is distinguished by a special sensitivity. We notice many nuances and analyze them deeper than everyone else. We have a rich imagination and vivid imagination, thanks to which even the most insignificant events of the surrounding reality encourage us to build hypotheses and draw conclusions. Thus, our internal "hard drive" fills up faster, and we experience overexcitation.

From an overabundance of impressions, I personally get the feeling that more information simply won’t fit into my head. When I communicate with unfamiliar people, a similar feeling can occur in about half an hour or an hour. I am quite capable of pulling myself together and carrying on a conversation, listening to the interlocutor and pretending that everything is as it should be. However, it takes a lot of strength for me, and afterwards I feel completely overwhelmed.

There is nothing wrong with overexcitation, but if you are hypersensitive, then in a similar situation you will feel an overabundance of information before ordinary people, which will cause a desire to withdraw and withdraw into oneself. You may recognize yourself in the description below. Eric says that when overexcited, he tries to hide and be alone with himself for a while, but secretly, because he is afraid that others will consider him arrogant, unsociable or withdrawn:

During big family celebrations - birthdays, for example, I often lock myself in the toilet, look in the mirror and wash my hands for a long time, thoroughly lathering them. But at this moment, someone is sure to pull the handle of the toilet door, and I have to leave my quiet and peaceful refuge. Once I decided to hide behind a newspaper - I sat in a corner, unfolded the newspaper, brought it closer to my face and closed my eyes, enjoying the peace. But my uncle, a well-known joker, quietly crept up to me, snatched the newspaper from my hands and announced loudly: “Aha! Here is our recluse and got caught! Everyone laughed, and I was ready to fall through the ground.

Eric, 48

You, as a hypersensitive person, are quickly tired not only by negative impressions - even when you are at a fun holiday, at a certain moment you seem to be oversaturated, and in the midst of the celebration you feel an acute desire to withdraw into yourself. At times like this, this shortcoming depresses us a lot, because most of the time we want to be as "hardy" as everyone else. Leaving the holiday before everyone else, we, firstly, feel embarrassed in front of the hosts, who beg us to stay. Secondly, we ourselves are sorry to leave the holiday and we are afraid to seem boring or ignorant to other guests.

The cause of increased excitability lies in our overly sensitive nervous system but it also allows us to experience genuine joy.

For example, those pleasant and calm impressions that arise when we listen to music or birdsong, look at pictures, inhale aromas, taste something delicious or admire a majestic landscape, awaken in us a feeling akin to inner jubilation. We are able to fully appreciate the beautiful, and this gives us incomparable pleasure.

sensitivity to sensations

If you are hypersensitive, you may find it difficult to distract yourself from extraneous sounds, smells, or visual stimuli. At times, sensations imposed from the outside drive you crazy. Sounds that people around you barely notice seem like a terrible noise that interferes with your concentration.

For example, on New Year's Eve, the sky, colored with fireworks, will surely delight you, which cannot be said about the explosions of firecrackers. It seems that these sounds penetrate into every cell, play on the nerves, therefore, under New Year and after that you are not yourself.

When I lecture or do therapy with hypersensitives, I ask the audience to share their best and worst experiences. Often New year's night falls precisely into the list of the worst, and the reason for this is the explosions of firecrackers.

Supersensitive people are annoyed even by completely harmless sounds - for example, steps in an apartment from above. In addition, they are distinguished by a very sensitive sleep. From the outside, the hypersensitive seem to be very picky: in particular, they can not stand the cold and draft, so they try to avoid outdoor parties. A visit to the hairdresser sometimes turns into a real torture because of the harsh chemical odors. Visiting smokers, they also have a hard time. Even if the owner tries not to smoke in front of the guest, the smell of tobacco, eaten into the furniture and curtains, will certainly reach the sensitive nose. I was told about one poor fellow who even quit his job because his colleagues were constantly listening to the radio and it prevented him from concentrating.

Hypersensitive individuals are rare guests in a cafe where loud music is played or too crowded. It is generally difficult for highly sensitive people to find a cafe to their taste - especially if they are tired, hungry and not walking alone.

I'm so hard to please that sometimes I hate myself. Less fastidious do not even imagine how easy life is for them!

Susanna, 23 years old

As highly sensitive people, many things are not easy for us. Our pain threshold is lower than others, and therefore the hostility from the outside world hurts us much more.

Impressionability

Many hypersensitive natures admit that they hate quarrels and swearing. They can hardly stand it when others quarrel or are simply in a bad mood. However, this feature also has its advantages: we are able to be sensitive and responsive to the feelings of others. For this reason, we often choose professions that enable us to help others, and we often succeed in this endeavor.

Hypersensitive people who work in the healthcare system report that they often feel exhausted at the end of the working day. Due to our impressionability, excessive sensitivity and inability to abstract, we allow other people's experiences to influence us and therefore, when we come home, we still think about work.

If your work is connected with people, I advise you to take care of yourself, because stress leads to the most deplorable consequences.

I am often asked whether it is possible to get rid of excessive impressionability in oneself. Thanks to hypersensitivity, a person has peculiar invisible antennas that allow him to capture the mood of others. From time to time, I myself want to get rid of these antennae forever and thus cut off the endless stream of impressions.

I want to be blind, deaf and insensible. And although this is most likely impossible, any of us is quite capable of controlling our own perception.

If you feel that your friend or colleague is not happy with you, you can draw one of two conclusions: “He is angry with me. What did I do wrong? or "He just doesn't know how to solve his own problems, and that's why he's upset." By choosing the second way of reasoning, you will significantly reduce the degree of your own experiences. In chapter 8, I explain the relationship between feelings and thoughts in more detail.

Under favorable circumstances, excessive sensitivity brings certain benefits. So, psychologist and neurologist Susan Hart noted the following pattern:

Babies who are more responsive to their environment are more likely to respond to stimuli. If at the same time the child is surrounded by love and brought up in a calm environment, then he shows a greater interest in life and the ability to empathize, knows how to rejoice and more easily achieves a state of harmony with the outside world.

Susan Hart, 2009

Highly sensitive people who grew up in a favorable environment learn from childhood to see a certain advantage in their features. However, those who did not receive affection and love in childhood, having matured, can also learn to support themselves and manage their lives in such a way as to turn hypersensitivity into an advantage.

Responsibility
and conscientiousness

An experiment involving highly sensitive four-year-olds showed that such children were less likely to lie, break rules less often, and act selfishly less often, even when they thought no one was watching them. In addition, they solve moral dilemmas in a more socially responsible way.

Many highly sensitive individuals sometimes take responsibility for the whole world. Often from the very early age We catch the dissatisfaction of others and do our best to correct the situation.

Feeling that my mother was dissatisfied with something, I was ready to do anything to help her, and came up with different ways make her life easier. One day, for example, I decided that I would smile at everyone we met on the street - both acquaintances and strangers. I thought that in this case they would all decide that my mother is a real sorceress, because she managed to raise such a sweet child.

Hannah, 57 years old

Feeling disharmony, you immediately try to correct the situation and take control of the situation. For example, if someone is having an argument at a party, you patiently listen to the dissatisfied, try to console them, or suggest different ways to solve their problem. As a result, you soon get tired and leave the party, and former enemies forget about the quarrel and continue to have fun.

Responsibility is a good quality, but it is not useful in all situations. The main reason that does not allow you to remain indifferent is that other people's experiences greatly affect you and you begin to get nervous. On the other hand, taking responsibility for the whole world is pointless. By taking responsibility for something, you are depriving someone else of responsibility, who could do with learning to take responsibility for their own actions.

By learning to stay away from other people's quarrels, I certainly extended my life.

Egon, 62 years old

Highly sensitive individuals often consider themselves responsible for the bad mood of others and therefore try to be extremely delicate. Thick-skinned people are less likely to think about the consequences of their words and deeds, which often hurt highly sensitive people.

When talking with me, hypersensitive people often admit that an offensive or even just a careless statement they heard in their address completely unsettles them. They expect from others the same sensitivity that they themselves show, but in vain - most people are absolutely indifferent to the feelings of others. And it’s better to be prepared for this than to be horrified over and over again.

It is logical to assume that because of such scrupulousness, you slowly establish contact with other people, and often lose in disputes, because a witty answer comes to your mind only after a couple of days. I will make a reservation, however, that hypersensitive individuals not always are sensitive, sensitive and responsible. In a state of overexcitation, we become completely unbearable and are capable of rash acts.