Toilet paper, pasta, canned food, soap are just some of the items that are rapidly disappearing from supermarket shelves in the midst of the coronavirus outbreak. Let's call a spade a spade: it's not buying out of necessity, but buying out of panic. And although this is a completely understandable reaction of people to an uncertain situation, it does not affect the lives of others in the best way.

The level of self-esteem in one way or another affects the actions of a person. A person constantly underestimates his capabilities, as a result, “life prizes” go to others. If your self-esteem is getting lower and lower, then the 20 tips in this article will help you. By starting to apply them in your life, you can increase your self-esteem and become a confident person.

Many will agree that, from time to time, they are overwhelmed by unwanted thoughts that cannot be rid of. They are so strong that even doing interesting things does not help at all. This is accompanied by negative emotions that add excruciating sensations. Sometimes it seems that it is not possible to defeat such thoughts, but if you consider the problem from different points of view, you can find the right solution.

We kill our happiness with our own hands. The negative that we carry in ourselves towards others, destructive thoughts, envy, anger, resentment - this list is endless. Review your life, let go of unpleasant memories, get rid of people, activities and things that poison the mind. Be good and positive. Do something nice, something that you have long dreamed of.

A person's life changes with age, desires and priorities change. This is a completely normal process, although each of us is individual. If you want to make the most of your life after 30, the following 9 tips will help you.

The fight against complexes is often very difficult due to lack of motivation. And in order to achieve the maximum effect in the fight against complexes, it is necessary to develop a tactic for finding the necessary motivation and further actions. It is on such joint work that the principle of working on oneself is built.

Happiness - no matter what anyone says, the goal of life of every person. But is it so difficult to achieve this goal? People strive to become happy, but they neglect simple joys, which together can give this feeling. Here are some ways to help you feel happier.

Do you want to become a healthy person? If you follow the advice given in this article, then you can say with full confidence that you will become healthier than you were before. At first glance, they seem simple, but start doing them and you will be amazed at the real changes in your health and condition.

Resentment is not an incorrigible, pathological character trait, it can and should be corrected. Resentment is a person's reaction to a discrepancy with his expectations. It can be anything: a word, an act, or a sharp glance. Frequent grievances lead to bodily illnesses, psychological problems and the inability to build harmonious relationships with others. Do you want to stop being offended and learn to understand your grievances? Then let's look at how this can be done.

Character is destiny.

–Maya Plisetskaya

Low self-esteem - this is a negative idea of ​​​​a person about his merits, personal qualities and capabilities. This is a deliberate denigration of himself. We can say that it is low self-esteem, and not some “flaws”, heredity or a “bad” date of birth that makes people losers.

olly2 / bigstock.com

Low self-esteem and its consequences

Low self-esteem affects fate. A person with a low or unstable self-esteem, without noticing it, interferes with himself and others. He underestimates himself, which means he does not take advantage of the chances and opportunities that life provides him. In addition, such a person and close people inspire uncertainty, inability to achieve something serious and desirable.

Restriction of freedom of choice

Low self-esteem limits freedom of choice. A person is constantly afraid of making the wrong decision. He believes that he is not good enough to get what he wants, and therefore he follows the path of least resistance. For example, he chooses a solution that is obviously win-win, but absolutely unpromising. And all because, in his opinion, he simply will not overcome an interesting, but difficult path.

When joy does not please

Fix your attitude is a difficult task, but doable. And, undoubtedly, more important than buying even the best car or a ticket to an unforgettable vacation. The thing is that the joy of acquiring or new sensations in a person with low self-esteem is quickly replaced by a decline in strength and mood. Man is constantly limiting himself.

Low self-esteem- a huge energy hole that nullifies the results of any achievements and the feeling of satisfaction from them.

Do you have low self-esteem?

Determining if you have low self-esteem is not difficult. If you think that you are disastrously unlucky, that you are not succeeding and will not succeed, if you often remember your mistakes, then you have problems with self-esteem. Such a person often has a feeling of self-pity, fear that he will not be understood, and a desire to compare himself with others. He is very dependent on the opinions of others, so he wants to please and please everyone.

Seven Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Psychologists distinguish 7 signs of low self-esteem. If you notice them in a person close to you, it makes sense to advise him books on psychology or gently talk with him about his attitude towards himself.

So, the signs of low self-esteem include the following:

• the use of a huge number of negative phrases in speech;
• eternally bad mood or even depression;
• perfectionism, craving for perfection;
• lack of friends and company, desire to always be alone;
• fear of taking risks, taking on new things, achieving goals;
• appropriating the guilt of other people;
• lack of initiative.

Your looks are at risk

Low self-esteem manifests itself in another way - outwardly. As a rule, a person with low self-esteem often stoops, his facial expressions are sad, his movements are constrained, and his clothes are sloppy. However, the opposite situation is also possible. The unfortunate may wish that people do not appreciate him for who he is. Then a person with low self-esteem will always try to look perfect. But in facial expressions, gestures, postures, the true essence of his character will still manifest itself.

Negative fantasies about the intentions of others

It is difficult for an unfortunate person to build any relationship - whether it be friendships or even the creation of a family. After all, his insecurity is transferred to those around him. A person with low self-esteem believes that people communicate with him because they want something from him or it is so convenient for them. He is sure: there is nothing to love him for, and therefore he cannot believe in the sincerity of the feelings of others.

Why is low self-esteem formed?

CHOReograPH / bigstock.com

“All problems come from childhood” sounds trite, but it’s about low self-esteem.

What is self-esteem? It is how a person perceives himself. It is formed under parental influence, because in childhood it is impossible to evaluate oneself and one's actions - they are evaluated by parents, other close relatives or guardians. A person's self-perception comes precisely through their parents, it is not independently formed. As mom and dad "mirror" the child, so he perceives himself.

If a loser, then from childhood

If a child constantly hears words of censure, if he is scolded for any, even the smallest, misconduct, for bad grades and behavior, and also compared with more obedient / diligent / educated / talented / diligent children, he is doomed to low self-esteem. Yes, yes, since childhood, a little man may not be confident in his abilities and constantly feel guilty. Not the most best qualities for a happy and successful life, right?

How to change the attitude towards yourself?

gstockstudio / bigstock.com

Psychologist, consultant of the St. Petersburg Gestalt Institute Svetlana Petrova argues that the first step to healthy self-esteem is acceptance of yourself and your loved ones.

A person with low self-esteem rejects parts of themselves. You can’t completely get rid of low self-esteem, you can only accept yourself as you are. If we reject our parents, consider them bad and unworthy people, then we will never be able to increase our self-esteem. After all, mom, dad, other relatives or guardians are part of us, they shaped and educated us. To take the first step towards raising self-esteem, you need to thank your parents and accept yourself completely, with all the advantages and disadvantages, successes and failures.

Ways to increase self-esteem

There are three ways to raise self-esteem. Naturally, as we wrote above, you first need to accept yourself. Then there are three options.

1 way. You may benefit from suggestion techniques. These are affirmations, auto-trainings and neurolinguistic programming. The main thing is that the person with low self-esteem himself believes in their effectiveness, otherwise their application is doomed to failure in advance.

The first method works only as a temporary measure, since it acts on the cause of a bad attitude towards oneself.

2 way- Earn the approval of others. Unfortunately, this is what most people with low self-esteem do. If a person tries to be good for everyone, he does not do what he needs and is interested in, he achieves not his own, but other people's goals, he cannot freely express himself. Their whole life is spent on proving something not to themselves, but to others.

3 way. The most effective option is conscious work on oneself, correction of self-perception on a spiritual level. Yes, this method takes a lot of time and effort, but it is also the most productive. It is necessary to understand true reasons low self-esteem and reduce for themselves the importance of someone else's opinion.

In addition, you should only surround yourself with people who are more confident in you than you are. Negative people, on the contrary, will try to nullify your virtues, say that nothing will work out for you, so they should not be in your environment.

Psychologist, Gestalt therapist Vyacheslav Ilyin gives important adviсe to which those who want to raise their self-esteem should listen.

First, according to Ilyin, it is necessary to separate your opinion of yourself from the opinions of other people. Even if someone in your life unfairly and constantly criticized you, this is not a reason to scold yourself.

- Accept yourself for who you are. With all the advantages and disadvantages. Stop biting yourself for your “minuses” and turn them into “pluses”.

- Enjoy your virtues and praise yourself for them. It is best to write all your strengths to understand how many there are.

– Separate facts from their interpretation. Don't berate yourself for not being successful. It didn't work now, it will work next time. Most importantly, don't discount yourself.

In addition, books, close people or psychologists will help you work on yourself. Now there is a lot of literature on psychology, and in addition, there are specialists. You can also get support loved one, it will be easier.

There are many ways to change your attitude! Even if you decide to act on your own, it is worth going to at least a few consultations with a specialist in order to know in which direction to proceed. And remember: you will reap the benefits of full-fledged work on yourself all your life!

People with healthy self-esteem have freedom of choice. They choose in life what they are really interested in and really need, without looking back at fears and limitations. Only they can succeed in life. There are no impassable paths, working on oneself will help any person become successful and happy!

If you find an error, please highlight a piece of text and click Ctrl+Enter.

Man is a social being. Therefore, from birth, our actions, skills, thoughts are under the guns of others. Further, in the process of growing up, we ourselves begin to evaluate our capabilities and our place in life. This determines the two main factors under the influence of which a person’s self-esteem is formed:

1. External. That is, the attitude of others (upbringing, social environment, intimate-personal communication, the influence of the team, type of activity, the media and information technologies etc.).
2. Interior. Attitude towards oneself (features of character and appearance, abilities, level of intelligence, susceptibility to criticism, level of claims, etc.).

The quality of his life depends on how confident a person is in himself and his abilities, how realistic he perceives the attitude of others. That is, success, material condition, peace of mind and personal relationships. This affects the formation of behavioral models - reactions to criticism, failures, successful decisions, non-standard situations, the ability to seize the opportunity.

It is quite logical that it is very difficult for a person who doubts his worth to succeed in any area of ​​life. An insecure layman cannot be happy by definition - after all, he is not sure that he deserves it. It is difficult for him to make important decisions and put up with the shortcomings that are inherent in all of us.

At the same time, low self-esteem prevents not only today's happiness - it does not give a chance to develop in the future. It becomes a barrier to career growth, personal development building relationships. The decision to change your life is often immediately blocked by the fear of failure. Pessimism and fear of change deprive such people of the opportunity to live a brighter and more enjoyable life.

The situation is aggravated by the “law of attraction of like”:

• First, an insecure person attracts the same losers;
• Secondly, a bad attitude and dislike for oneself form a similar attitude of others.

The main reasons for low self-esteem

Our formation of our own "I" and the place of this "I" in society is influenced by many factors. Let us dwell on the most dangerous ones, thanks to which low self-esteem appears. These include:

1. "Hard childhood". The seeds of self-doubt can be sown in a person as early as childhood. It is during this period that the main part of our self-esteem is made up of the judgments of others, since the child still cannot and does not know how to evaluate himself. That is, the base is given to us by close relatives - parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, etc. Lack of attention, excess of criticism, indifference, high demands - all this can make an insecure child an insecure adult. Enhances the feeling of discomfort little man physical disabilities or chronic diseases.
2. Sensitivity to the opinions of others. The inability to "sort" someone else's opinion about oneself and one's actions is not the most best friend for self-assessment. Our society has not yet got rid of such a vice as envy. Many people sin by predilection to criticize their neighbor. It is clear that such "advisers" and "well-wishers" can say a lot of bad and not always truthful things. Therefore, gullibility and excessive perception of everything that others say can significantly undermine self-confidence.
3. Excessive plank. An incorrectly set goal can put on oneself the stigma of a loser. It is difficult to achieve a goal if it is simply not within your power or if the time frame for achieving it is too short. Such an inadequate assessment of one's capabilities often leads to a fiasco. The goal is not achieved, self-esteem is at zero, the desire to move on disappears.
4. Focus on failure. It often happens that failure turns into new experience and opportunities. It is important to see it and accept it. Otherwise, there is a loop on an unpleasant event and programming yourself for failure.

Signs of low self-esteem

In fact, you can even recognize a person who needs an increase in self-esteem even by appearance. Stooping, drooping eyes, carelessness in clothing, stiffness often accompany self-doubt. But there are even more reliable signs of low self-esteem:

• Pessimism and negativism in speech. The problem with self-assessment is indicated by phrases (or thoughts) of the following meaning: “everything is bad”, “it’s impossible”, “I can’t cope”, “this is not for me”, “I don’t have the necessary knowledge (skills, experience)” and etc. Such people do not enter into serious debate, avoid responsible assignments and do not show initiative.
• perfectionism. Sometimes the desire to increase their worth in the eyes of others leads people with low self-esteem to desperately try to do something better than others. It can be appearance, housekeeping, professional activity. They get hung up on the details, while missing the overall result. They hope that by approaching the ideal, they will become more loved and significant. However, the path to the ideal (which does not exist) can take all the time and effort, leaving nothing for the realization of real desires and peaks.
• Loneliness. A notorious individual feels uncomfortable in society, especially among unfamiliar or unfamiliar people. The rejection of communication can manifest itself as alienation, as well as aggressiveness, assertiveness of behavior, which themselves repel others, despite the fact that a successful person not only seeks to acquire connections, but also makes them work for themselves.
• Fear of change. Risk is a taboo for an insecure person. Everything new is unknown and therefore dangerous. Such a fear of changing something in one's life can be disguised as modesty, timidity, shyness, conformism.
• Developed sense of guilt. For an insecure person, taking responsibility for failure is another way to validate their status as a failure. At the same time, if he takes the blame for what he did not do, and even apologizes, there can be no doubt about low self-esteem.
• Fear of criticism. Criticism for an insecure person is a knife to the very heart of his self-esteem. For him, this is not a constructive "debriefing", as it is perceived by a self-confident person, but another proof of inferiority. He not only reacts very sensitively to her, but also goes in cycles for a long time, constantly scrolling through the situation and the unpleasant words spoken in his direction. With time negative emotions weaken the sense of reality, and any, even unjustified criticism is perceived very painfully.
• Self pity. Convincing yourself and others about how unfair the world, fate, people, circumstances, nature is is a great way to shift responsibility for your life to others. Constant complaints, illnesses and moaning about fate can give the much-desired attention of others. However, the abuse of the "poor me" syndrome over time can have the opposite effect - the desire to regret and help others will be replaced by irritation and ignoring your passivity and inactivity.
• Failure to make decisions. Having to make a decision quickly, especially for others, is a nightmare for a person with low self-esteem. Uncertainty in himself and his abilities makes him doubt any solution and analyze even insignificant details. Because of this, internal tension, feelings of discomfort and nervousness increase. Therefore, such people try to avoid leadership positions, and if they occupy them, they feel uncomfortable. Decision-making is either shelved, or shifted to another, or ignored altogether.
• Limitation of Interest. It is difficult for a victim of low self-esteem to decide to change something in himself. Change of image, outdoor activities - this may remain a dream buried under fear of rejection and condemnation. Sometimes such people are even afraid to start playing sports: people will watch on the street, in the sports club - people too, moreover, stronger and more beautiful. Plus, there are some trainers to learn. That is, the fear of inconsistency and the fear of doing something wrong comes into play.
• Public play. Sometimes insecure people cover up their complexes with bright masks - familiar behavior, outrageousness, loud speech or laughter, their connections, place in society or level of well-being.
• Problems in personal life. Often, low self-esteem is the main cause of dysfunctional relationships. A self-respecting person will not tolerate humiliation, betrayal and lies, unlike a self-deprecating one. It is very difficult to get love and respect if a person is sure that he is not worthy of it. This prevents him from fighting for his happiness.
• Depressive states and bad mood. It is difficult for an insecure person to accept the shortcomings of both their own and others. Therefore, he is either quietly sad, or is constantly irritated by everything: the country, colleagues, neighbors, spouse, children. Dissatisfaction with oneself can be transformed into cynicism and excessive criticality. He does not see the positive because he focuses on the negative.

Important! When criticizing, remember the psychological truth - we condemn in others exactly what we ourselves sin. And if you suddenly want to criticize someone - remember the mote in someone else's eye.

How to increase self-esteem

Our self-esteem can be compared with immunity, the higher it is, the stronger our resistance to various life situations. Conversely, the lower our self-confidence, the more difficult it is to cope even with minor domestic troubles. Today, there are many ways to raise self-esteem through training, affirmations, meditations, changing behavior patterns, etc. We will consider the most effective and at the same time as simple as possible methods for raising the level of self-confidence.

How to increase self-esteem in a man

A man by nature cannot be weak - otherwise he will not survive and will not give (grow) his offspring. Therefore, even a modern representative of the stronger sex has at least 3 reasons to keep their self-esteem in good shape - this is a career (work should bring prosperity), love (strong and self-confident men are still in favor) and success (luck loves the successful).

TOP 10 ways to increase a man's self-esteem:

1. Learn to Accept Failure. Do not scold yourself for wrong actions, unfinished work or hasty decisions - analyze the situation, draw conclusions. Replenish your piggy bank of experience - and no more. I made a mistake, I realized, and - we go further!
2. Keep your mind and body in good shape. Agree - athletic erudite men have much less reason (and time) for cultivating their complexes. And, again, do not forget your nature: excess adrenaline and aggressive male energy must be periodically dumped. Not to mention staying in shape. And sport is the perfect choice for the modern man. When it comes to being well-read, you don't have to know everything. It's unrealistic. It is better to choose and master the area that interests you. Interest can only be caused by a person who is interested in something.
3. Respect yourself and your time. Analyze the attitude of those around you. If you have friends or acquaintances who do not miss the opportunity to assert themselves at your expense or take advantage of your reliability, refuse to communicate with them. Don't be afraid to let go of destructive relationships good people Always near. You just need to bring them to life. The same principle applies to work: you are capable of more, but this is not appreciated - change jobs.
4. Don't compare yourself to others. Initially, all people are different, therefore, the needs and ways to meet these needs are different for everyone. Therefore, focus on your capabilities and desires. Set realistic goals and set deadlines to achieve them. Understanding this principle of action will save you from the temptation to compare yourself with others. Evaluate only yourself and your motivation in relation to your capabilities.
5. Rethink your social circle. To become more self-confident and successful, try to communicate with such people. Being in an atmosphere of success, ideas, positive emotions, you have every chance of "infecting" the same. Unlike a society of chronic losers, where the degree of your self-esteem will only plummet.
6. Plan your time. The correct distribution of time will help not only to cope with business, but also to fully relax. Make it a rule to prepare for a new working day in advance, for example, making a plan of your actions for tomorrow in the evening.
7. Be decisive. Decisiveness is another natural trait of a man. Do not bury it under a pile of doubts and possible failures. Challenge yourself: set a goal and achieve it. Don't be afraid to make decisions. There is an opinion that every day gives us 10 chances to change our lives - use them!
8. Remember your successes. Choose a way to record your achievements (photos, notes in a separate notebook, a shelf with awards or frames on the wall) and review them in a moment of doubt. This will refresh the memory and emotions that accompanied your victories. And it will give you confidence.
9. Be positive and interested. Learn to see something positive in any person, event, act. Why willingly let negativity into your life? Feel free to expand your knowledge and skills with questions. Do not be ashamed to ask and find out. It is a shame not to ask and remain in the dark just because of this.
10. Love and respect yourself. You are a complete person, albeit with your own “nuances”. Either way, you deserve respect. And if you also love yourself, and you can translate the “nuances” into the status of virtues, then respect, success and love are simply provided for you.

How to boost a woman's self-esteem

Despite the fact that the requirements of nature for a woman are not as strict as for a man, self-doubt makes her no less unhappy. To remedy the situation, you can use the above "male" methods. But it is better to reinforce them with purely “feminine” tricks.

TOP 10 ways to increase a woman's self-esteem:

• Accept yourself for who you are. Your hair color, eye shape, figure and leg length - what is given by nature, an individual order. If you want to change something - change it, but carefully and only for yourself. And do not place great hopes on external changes if you do not change internally. Believe me, among beautiful women (thin, with big breasts, long hair - who has any concept of beauty) there are no less unfortunate ones. A woman is attracted not so much by her ideal appearance as by self-confidence.
• Don't envy. Envy is a bad feeling. She kills confidence. You cannot be happy for your girlfriend - concentrate on what only you have. On their successes and virtues.
• Take care of yourself. A truly attractive woman is a well-groomed woman. Love your body and show your love with care. Go in for sports, lead a healthy lifestyle, buy yourself beautiful high-quality clothes and shoes, and your reflection in the mirror will become a powerful stimulant for your self-esteem.
• Do not show initiative where it is not needed. Make it a rule not to prove your need with obsessive care or attention. Do not ask for help - do not help! Or offer it only when you really need it and carefully. Do not ask for advice - do not advise!
• Get Interesting. Effective method increase self-esteem - expand your circle of interests, going beyond glossy magazines, forums, social networks and TV shows. Analyze your usual "diet" of communication and remove from it such "GMOs" as gossip, whining and talking on the same topic (clothes, baby food, cuisine, etc.).
• Love compliments and interested looks. It is difficult for an insecure person to believe complements - they cause embarrassment and awkwardness. Not to mention the ambiguous views of the opposite sex. Learn not only to love yourself, let others love it too. Accept evidence of self-love with dignity. Give thanks for the compliments, keep the eyes of interest directed at you, but keep the boundaries. Vulgarity and familiarity have nothing to do with dignity.
• Keep your personal space. One of the secrets of the unique attractiveness of French women is the ability to preserve their identity and personal space. Make yourself your own "secret garden", where you can periodically retire for a couple of hours to be alone, restore your emotional balance. The best option- an interesting book in your hands and a bench in the park or a table in a cafe. It is equally important for French beauties not to dissolve their individuality in a husband, children or friends. After all, it was she who once attracted this man into her life, and it is she who is able to keep him.
• Minimize experiences. Life is too short to waste it on petty experiences. Believe in yourself, tune in to the positive, look at life on a larger scale.
• Be yourself. The desire to impress or please at the expense of qualities or behavior that are not inherent in you is harmful both to you and to others. First, you break yourself. Secondly, falsehood and hypocrisy are not noticed only by those who benefit from it, that is, those who do not need the real you.
• Get rid of criticism in yourself and to yourself. Accustom yourself to perceive any failures and incidents easily, with humor. Both their own and others. No one in the world is perfect, so look for only positive qualities. Both in yourself and in others.

How to increase self-esteem - look at the video:

How we treat ourselves is how others treat us. Low self-esteem is a syndrome that can lead to serious problems both in your career and in your personal life.

1. Perfectionism

Perfectionism can be both a manifestation of low self-esteem and its cause. Perfectionist, striving for non-existent perfection or just high standards rarely gets satisfaction from his work and is therefore more susceptible to criticism. He strives to conform to the ideal image that he has created for himself, and, not achieving it, he experiences a feeling of disappointment in himself, up to contempt.

2. Speech

A person with low self-esteem constantly uses certain words in his speech.

Firstly, these are negative phrases expressing denial: “impossible, not sure, not ready, I do not have the appropriate knowledge; yes, but…”

Secondly, constant apologies. And thirdly, phrases that belittle the value of human actions and labor. Surely you are familiar with excuses: “I was just lucky”, “my colleagues did most of the work, and I just helped them”, and so on. People with low self-esteem do not perceive compliments and gratitude well, trying to immediately argue with praise and prove the opposite. Why? It's all about the guilt complex. It doesn't matter what. Perhaps the work was not done well enough in their opinion, or they made little effort to fulfill the request, even if they did it. Guilt is the next sign by which you can identify a person who does not think too much about himself.

3. Guilt

Feelings of guilt, like perfectionism, can be the cause of low self-esteem. As psychologist Darlene Lanser says, if a person feels deeply guilty and cannot forgive himself for this for a long time, he will constantly reproach himself for this, remind him of his “burden on his heart” and be constantly ashamed of his actions. Ultimately, he will lose self-respect and with it self-esteem.

The relationship can also be reversed. A person with low self-esteem suffers from constant self-criticism and is not able to adequately perceive the mistakes of the past. Hence the neurotic guilt in insecure people

4. Depression

According to a study by a doctor of psychological sciences, Lars Madslen, self-doubt can also be the cause of frequent depression or a constant bad mood. According to her, self-esteem is the key to both development and recovery from depression, which is considered a serious psychological problem.

5. Excuses

People with low self-esteem tend to justify others, even if their actions are contrary to all norms of behavior. Usually they argue that everyone has their own circumstances, that everyone can be understood. Psychologists explain this position as an attempt to avoid criticism, which can be encountered when judging others.

6. Lack of initiative

What really hinders people with low self-esteem in the professional field is the lack of initiative. Such a person, having received certain powers, will, at any opportunity, transfer them into the wrong hands. No wonder, because he is not sure that he will cope with his task, even if he is an “ace” in his field. In a dispute with an interlocutor, he is also unlikely to be able to defend his position, preferring to agree with his opponent.

7. Indecision

Such people are not ready to bear responsibility for their decisions. They generally prefer not to decide anything. Suddenly they make a mistake, and the decision turns out to be wrong. In this case, it will not be possible to avoid criticism. The worst thing for insecure people is criticism of loved ones: relatives, friends, whom they are afraid of losing. After all, this, in their opinion, will be the price for the wrong decision.

8. Trying to avoid conflict

"Not sure, don't go." This is the attitude of people with low self-esteem. They are ready to do anything to avoid conflict situations or tension between people. Everything should be harmonious, even if this is achieved through “white lies”, which sooner or later will lead to more serious problems.

9. Hostility

Meets and back side medals, when people with low self-esteem, on the contrary, show open hostility and cynicism towards others. This is just a variant of the defensive position, as they say: The best way defense - attack.

10. Fatigue, insomnia, headache

Symptoms of low self-esteem can be not only psychological, but also physical. According to psychologists, extreme self-disappointment leads to chronic insomnia, fatigue, and headaches.

“I am worse than others ...”, “I am constantly unlucky, because I am a loser” ... Familiar? These are all the first. A person with a low level of self-esteem voluntarily "locks himself in the prison" of personal opportunities. He cannot fully realize himself in life, achieve success. He is comfortable on his own. Such "imprisonment" from society will be accepted by a person as a norm. But after a while, a person with low self-esteem will realize that he is deeply unhappy. His timidity, cowardice, abundance of complexes do not allow him to go further in life. They literally tied his hands. The first step to get out of this vicious circle is to understand the reason for such a state. Let's try to dig into ourselves?

What is the level of self-esteem?

Self-esteem is a mysterious property of a person that arises unconsciously. Its level is formed in the process of growing up and personality formation. Self-esteem is made up of the perception of oneself, one's inner qualities, capabilities, place in society and in the manifestation of one's value.

Feeling dignity- healthy self-esteem.

Self-esteem determines relationships with other people, choices and purpose in life.

A healthy adequate level of self-esteem is the main indicator of a mature person as a person. In many ways, a certain level of it is laid down in childhood.

What is low self-esteem?

Unfortunately, parents do not pay attention to the level of self-esteem of their child. But in vain. When educating, they are guided by their intuition and the example of their parents. However, you should not raise your child the way your parents raised you. Perhaps their approach was not entirely correct. And it doesn't work for your child.

As a result of the wrong approach of parents to raising a child, signs of low self-esteem may form. Anxiety, indecision, dependence on the opinions of others develop. Such signs indicate a low level of self-esteem of a person.

Low self-esteem is a complex symptomatic complex that negatively affects a person's life.

"Symptoms" of low self-esteem

Consider the bright symptoms of low self-esteem:

• “doom” is manifested in behavior;
• the tendency to trust the wrong person, yielding to him and doing an unprofitable act for you;
• dissatisfaction with their relationships with other people;
• oversensitivity and vulnerability;
• increased anxiety and anxiety in a non-standard new situation;
• indecision in making a decision;
• self-doubt to do what many do without much effort;
• stiffness and discomfort in the presence of other people;
• refraining from publicly expressing your opinion, even among people close to you;
• feeling of unhappiness and deprivation;
• constantly comparing yourself to others to gauge your level of success or attitude towards your person.

Renowned specialist Dr. Marilyn Sorensen, who founded the Self-Esteem Institute in the United States, believes that low self-esteem is a thought disorder. With this "pathology" a person is firmly convinced that he is inadequate, incapable, incompetent and unattractive. Such thinking leads to the formation of emotions and feelings that make a person constantly doubt himself or refuse to change something in his life. For example, a person has been going to an unloved job for many years. This passive attitude towards oneself is destructive.

A person with low self-esteem often refuses a lucrative offer. So, he will continue to go to an unloved job and live like a doomed prisoner of his own destructive thinking.

How is low self-esteem formed?

Undoubtedly, low self-esteem is formed since childhood. It is during this period that a person develops an idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhimself as a person. Basically, this process begins at birth and can continue until adolescence.

Signs of low self-esteem in a child are formed with early experience. For example, if a child was born in a complete, prosperous family in which he is supported and loved, he feels his importance and need, enjoys freedom of choice, interacts well with people, then most likely he will have healthy adequate self-esteem.

If a child is brought up in a rigid strict form, criticized a lot, ridiculed, humiliated, suppressed and not supported, then he will certainly have low self-esteem, if not low.

Negative conditions for the formation of healthy self-esteem

Certain factors affect the level of self-esteem negative factors. Signs of low self-esteem develop against the background of verbal, sexual, emotional and physical abuse. As a result of these conditions, the child develops deep emotional pain.

Consider the conditions that prevent the formation of adequate self-esteem:

Signs of low self-esteem are more common in women than in men. However, this is not quite true. Men equally suffer from low self-esteem, they simply do not admit it to others.

Signs of low self-esteem: causes in women

Indeed, women often admit to themselves that they are not confident enough in themselves and have low self-esteem. The reason is rather trivial: perhaps the parents wanted a boy, and a girl was born. They didn't have an abortion on time. It happens. However, the child, being a fetus, feels the emotions of his mother. The unwillingness of parents to have this baby is manifested in the form of a message to this fetus: "He is not needed, he is not expected." In such conditions, a person is already born with low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem can develop throughout life. For example, the girl's parents often compared her to other children. Of course, the parents did this to motivate their daughter to further development. Also in kindergarten and school, there is a constant comparison with other children. Worst of all, if you compare children in the family. For example, if you have several children. How often did you hear such a phrase from your parents: “Look, daughter, and Marina writes better than you (draws, dances, reads)” or “You are the same loser as your father.” The list of "affectionate" words is endless. Gradually, the child develops a dislike for himself. He really believes that he can't do anything. If you tell a person that he is a pig, he will soon grunt. This is from the same opera. What is healthy self-esteem?

Typical signs of low self-esteem in a woman:

• Criticism in the family, in the garden, at school.
• They announced a boycott for some unknown reason in the classroom.

Of course, all these factors upset and prevent you from defining and accepting your virtues.

What causes low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem can “come” to a person as if it were a serious illness, regardless of age, gender, nationality, religion, education and profession.

Moreover, the number of people who literally suffer from low self-esteem is steadily growing.

If there are signs of low self-esteem, what are the consequences? Let's consider in more detail:

• One cannot fully enjoy life. Inside himself, he always evaluates something: who is wearing what, how he walks, how society accepts him.
• Even a minor trouble in life can unbalance and inflict another “blow” on self-esteem.
• A person with low self-esteem does not achieve the intended goal. He is afraid to fix something, often does not start new business. He values ​​himself low, does not believe in his own abilities, and therefore does not move forward.
• Low self-esteem interferes with building relationships with people. A person puts another above himself in communication. Afraid to be the first to write, call ...

Low self-esteem affects every aspect of life without exception. An open question arises: "If someone in childhood contributed to low self-esteem in you, then why should SOMEBODY control you? Are you not the master of your life? Or is it left to admit that I am a puppet and they are playing with me?".

Signs of low self-esteem: how to deal with?

The first unspoken rule: change the attitude towards yourself.

Second, turn the negative into a positive. Replace the phrase "I'm not worthy of this" with "I'm better than anyone for this."

Third rule: make a list of your strengths and successes. For example, "I got higher education, I know how to play chess, became a mom/dad, learned a foreign language…”.

Fourth rule: don't compare yourself to others. Why “feed” your low self-esteem? Praise yourself even for small successes.

Fifth rule: find the reason. The source of the problem can be objectively identified by a psychologist. Only with the help of it professional help you will overcome this symptom that destroys you from within.