Anxiety is anxiety, uncertainty about something. What worries people in Russia?

Of course, each of us has thousands of questions and problems in our heads, but there are experiences that unite only a certain group of people. For example, united under the tricolor Russian flag. What worries us as a society living on the vast Russian territory? What are we afraid of, what are we concerned about on a global social scale?

Poll of the Levada Center on “what problems of our society do you consider the most acute” , conducted at the end of February 2014 (a representative all-Russian sample of the urban and rural population among 1603 people aged 18 and over in 130 settlements 45 regions of the country), showed that the most actual problems for Russians, rising prices (69% of respondents considered the problem the most important), poverty, impoverishment of the majority of the population (51%), rising unemployment and corruption, bribery.

“In general, in addition to the main problems that concern almost all socio-demographic groups, young people (18-24 years old) are worried about the problem of drug addiction (21%), the elderly population - the inaccessibility of medicine (25%) and the moral crisis (26%). Muscovites are most concerned about issues related to visitors and migrants (23%), the growth of crime (14%) and the growth of nationalism (10%)”

The crisis of morality, culture, morality worries in 2014 the same percentage of respondents as in 2006. Deterioration environment and so it was not in the first place among the most exciting topics for Russians, and in comparison with 2006, the percentage of those who voted for this problem decreased from 20 to 16. Those who were worried about the inaccessibility and paid education became 11% less: 28 % in 2006 and 17% in 2014. Differentiation by type of poor and rich in 2014 worries a little less respondents than in 2006: 32 and 27, respectively. Russians are least concerned about the increase in the incidence of AIDS, conflicts between different branches of government at various levels, restriction of civil rights, democratic freedoms, delays in payment wages, allowances, pensions.

According to the VTsIOM poll, among the leaders among the social experiences of Russians - in the first place, as well as the Levada Center poll - inflation (59%), then housing problems (54%), living standards (45%), the situation in health care (40%). %), corruption and red tape (44%), drug addiction (42%). Housing and utilities and inflation are issues that worry Russians almost in one volume; closer to winter, for example, housing and communal services problems are more acute than fears for rising prices, and in spring (or depending on crisis trends), the problem of inflation is more clearly indicated.

Depending on the month in which the survey was conducted, either the feelings associated with the housing and communal services sector, or the rise in prices come first.

“It is typical that among the most acute problems is the situation in health care. For 40% of Russians, this area causes serious concern. It is difficult to get to specialists, paid medicine is being introduced more and more under various pretexts, effective drugs and high-quality treatment are becoming inaccessible to many. Over the past eight years, the relevance and severity of problems in health care has grown significantly: in 2006, this worried 27% of residents, today - one and a half times more. It is sad that over the past five years the situation here, judging by the polls, has practically not changed. But more and more money is spent in this area. How effective are these public investments?”

(from the news)

The level of medicine worries citizens, despite many innovations, such as the ability to sign up for face-to-face reception on the Internet (after all, one of the main claims is endless queues), and many new methods of research, diagnostics, and the search for doctors via the Internet. Paid medicine is developing, but mainly in the direction of customer service, because doctors in private clinics often work the same as in the clinic on the morning shift.

The fact that the most “exciting” minds of Russians turned out to be the spheres of housing and communal services, living standards and inflation is very significant, as some psychologists and sociologists assure, based on the picture of the pressing problems of society, one can judge not only the satisfaction or dissatisfaction of citizens with the quality of life, but also a holistic view of Russians on the country, about faith or disbelief in it. The “housing problem” is close, warm, dear, how to think, worry about great goals when the pipe in the corridor is flowing or benefits for paying for services to pensioners have been canceled - for example? Russians spend most of their lives at home (many), so there is nothing strange in the unrest over the housing and communal issue.

If we add to all the hardships of life worries about whether they will increase or not increase pensions, benefits, etc., then we can conclude that there is a category of people who pay for services from the “last pocket”, and any oversights, shortcomings in housing -domestic sphere, the elimination of which depends on the housing and communal services, are perceived by this category doubly negatively than by people who have more financial resources. In general, what is the main thing among people’s wishes to change the work of this area: to give more benefits, in large percentages and to the largest possible category of citizens (the key word is “more” - more benefits); so that the batteries are turned on in time (with sufficient power) and turned off in time; that repairs were carried out with high quality, accidents were eliminated promptly; so that the entrances are not put in order at the expense of the residents; so that they could be moved from dilapidated housing to new elite apartments on time, etc. The topics “How to understand housing and communal services and not overpay”, “How to skillfully save on housing and communal services” become very popular for those who save the ruble.

Worries about the standard of living and rising prices for goods and services are also understandable, especially in the light of recent unstable events in the country, the dollar and the euro are rising, the import of many imported goods is prohibited. This soil is very favorable for the rise in price of scarce, specific and other products, goods, and equipment. In addition, according to the opinions of financiers, 2014 promised to be a crisis year, but, it should be noted, the country has been living in anticipation of difficult changes for a long time and plans to be difficult financially and politically almost every year. Inflation in 2013 amounted to 5-6%, in 2014 its level, according to the boldest forecasts of analysts, should go off scale for 10%, but the majority adhere to the position that inflation will not exceed 6%. Also, according to forecasts, the unemployment rate by the end of 2014 will rise to 6%.

According to Rosstat, at the end of 2012-beginning of 2013, a comprehensive monitoring of the living conditions of the population showed that Russians are most concerned about the condition of roads, road safety - 60.3%, the spread of alcoholism - 46.6%, poor organization of housing and communal services. Also: “Russians are not satisfied with the remoteness of facilities where they can play sports (30.3%), the distribution of drugs (24.9%), the inaccessibility of public services in the field of medical care (23.3%) and vandalism (22.1%).”

Are the most “popular unrest” connected with some special state of the country or Russians? Perhaps, on the eve of a crisis or in anticipation of the negative, people tend to worry more about whether they will be warm in winter, whether they can buy their favorite delicacies with a small pension, how they will live - in the end, whether they will find themselves without work and for the poverty line? Because no matter what we say - but you always want to eat and be warm, you always want peace.

And here is the answer. This has always worried the Russians.

According to a survey conducted by FOM (photo below), among the leaders of the problems that concern our compatriots are the same housing and communal services, inflation, low living standards, etc.:

In fact, the whole "everyday life" is quite palpable and difficult for many. Well, when the batteries are still not warm, but if you add to this the rise in prices for your favorite goods, the lack of a salary increase, or an unemployed prospect, a long line at the clinic to the doctor who wants to complain about all the problems, the picture is by no means optimistic. Here, as they say, anyone will be knocked down, not one, but another. The loss of a job sharpens the perception of the quality of care in the healthcare sector, etc. However, if you face the truth, no diagnoses can be made to society based on the importance of certain “unrest” for it. After all, it both worries about the same problems, and worries about similar ones, and in other areas it manifests itself in different ways. There were fewer patriots - there are more: all the same, everyone complains about the work of housing and communal services; pensions were small - pensions were raised - all the same, most of the pensioners are happy for price stabilization; Russia was on the list of middle-income countries and moved to the list of countries with high level income - all the same, we are worried about how not to become poorer.

As for the topic of Western sanctions, according to a survey by the Levada Center, more than half of Russians do not care about these bans, because they do not care.

“About two-thirds of those surveyed – 61% – said they were not concerned about political and economic measures against Russia.

And only a third of respondents - 36% - admitted that they were worried about this. According to experts, anxiety over sanctions has clearly been on the decline in recent months. After all, back in early March, when the EU and the US introduced the first bans, half of the country's citizens, 53%, expressed concern about the situation. In just a month, anxiety levels plummeted by 11 percent. And this trend continues."

64% of Russians closely follow the events in Ukraine.

Video “Nothing excites Russians like Ukraine and Crimea: the results of the President’s Direct Line”:

Individual citizens of the country are concerned about philosophical, political, moral and other issues. For example:

"1. That someone controls us

1. The fact that someone is smarter, richer, more successful

That there is no confidence in tomorrow"

(comment from email)

“The future of children, parents, where to live, lack of personal life, someone else’s opinion, the meaning of life, how to get rid of fears, depression, give birth or not, lack of ideas in rock music, the issue of reincarnation. Worried about the weather, rain, mud"

(answers to the question "What worries you?" from the women's forum)

Someone is worried about the restoration of the Russian population, that is, its multiplication, the struggle for survival and the right to vote. Future of Russia. The growth of the euro, the dollar and the instability of the political situation.

A fairly large percentage of Russians are worried about the situation in Ukraine, when the war will end and absolute peace will come.

Some people are indignant that the world is not interested in spiritual problems, no one is even seriously worried about the environmental situation, about radioactive radiation, radiation from cell phones, because the cultural and moral level is deteriorating, everyone stubbornly wants to improve financial accounts and warm batteries. Why not start with yourself? We ourselves should try to worry only about the worsening of the demographic situation and restore it, to take care of the reincarnation of spiritual values... Not everyone will succeed in this successfully. The real problems are more pressing. Another point is that when a person is full and safe, one tends to seek cultural nourishment, while the other is obsessed with material things.

Our compatriots are also actively concerned about the topic of making money and entertainment on the Internet, the details of diets, weight loss methods, and much, much more, which also worries the population of the whole the globe. In general, very different and unusual things excite Russians (especially on the Internet).

According to one version, Muscovites are concerned about traffic jams and housing and communal services problems, according to another, the priority is the growth of visitors, emigrants, and the current state of the yards.

According to the sociological center "Romir", 79% of Muscovites consider the construction of new roads the most important point for the well-being of the city.

“Residents of the capital consider transport problems the most serious. At the same time, the actions of the Moscow government on the development of the metro and the construction of roads are highly appreciated by the townspeople. The first question that sociologists asked the citizens concerned, however, by no means only transport. Muscovites were asked what problems in the city worry them the most. The palm was divided between traffic jams and the growth of utility bills - 37% each. The high cost of living in the city lagged behind a little - 36%. Ecological situation, which has been at the top for many years, has moved to the middle of the table (16%)”

What worries you?

". Very important topic, VERY! Because it's really difficult to communicate with some people - you'll talk for half an hour, and then you have to recover for half a day. They suck energy - and do it very effectively. Those 7 tricks that are described below really work. The main thing is to remember them, to observe them. And don't be offended ;)

The people who are the hardest to love need love the most. ~ Peaceful warrior (This is such a book. And a movie based on the book. Interesting)

Have you ever dealt with negative people? If yes, then you know that it can be terribly difficult.

I remember my former colleague, who was just like that. During our conversations, she endlessly complained about colleagues, work and life. At the same time, she was very cynical about people in general, constantly doubting their intentions. It was not a pleasure to talk to her. At all.

After our first conversation, I felt completely exhausted. Although we only talked for 20-30 minutes, I didn't have the mood or energy to do anything else. There was a feeling that someone had sucked the life out of me, and it took about three hours for this effect to wear off.

When we talked later, the same thing happened. She was so pessimistic that her negative energy seemed to transfer to me after the conversation, and even left an unpleasant aftertaste in my mouth. And you know, it bothered me a lot. I would gladly refuse to communicate with her, if I could.

Then one day I decided that I needed to develop a plan of action - how to deal with negative people. After all, she is not the only such person I will meet in my life. I thought, “For every negative person I meet now, there are thousands of people I might meet one day. If I can handle it, I can handle all the others."

With this in mind, I brainstorm How best to deal with negative people.

In the end, I came up with a few key tricks to do it effectively. They can be very helpful in building good relationships with such people. And although I now deal with positive people more often, these steps come to the rescue when I sometimes meet negative people.

If there is such a negative person in your life right now, you do not have to suffer from him. You are not alone in your problem - I have encountered negative people quite often and have learned to deal with them. Let them try to put you down - you can choose how to react and what to do.

So, 7 tricks to help you deal with negative people.

Technique 1. Don't let yourself be drawn into negativity.

I noticed one thing: negative people tend to focus on the bad things and ignore the good ones. They exaggerate the problems they face, and therefore their situation seems much worse than it really is.

The first time you interact with a negative person, listen carefully and offer help if needed. Give support - let him (she) know that he is not alone. However, make a note somewhere. If a person continues to complain about the same problem even after several discussions, this is a sign that you need to let go.

First, try changing the subject. If he/she gets into a negative tailspin, let him/her continue, but don't get caught up in the negative. Give simple answers like "Yes, I see" or "Yeah". When he/she reacts positively, respond in the affirmative and with enthusiasm. If you do this often enough, he/she will soon realize what is going on and become more positive in communication.

Trick #2: Use Groups

Dealing with a negative person can be very tiring. When I talked with my negative colleague, I was completely exhausted for several hours, although the conversation itself lasted only 20-30 minutes. This happened because I took on all her negativity.

To solve this problem, have someone else beside you when you are talking to a negative person. In fact, the more people, the better. Then the negative energy will be shared between you and other people, and you will not have to bear its weight alone.

The added bonus of having someone else around is that other people help bring out different sides of your personality. When others are around, they can help bring out the other, positive side of a negative person. I have experienced this before and it has helped me to see a "negative" person in a more positive light.

Tactic #3: Objectify Comments

Negative people can be quite critical at times. They periodically make comments that can hurt a lot, especially when directed at you.

For example, I had a friend who was very tactless. She liked to make various disparaging and critical comments. At first, I was worried about her words, wondering why she was so critical every time she spoke. I also thought maybe something was wrong with me - maybe I'm not good enough. However, when I watched how she communicates with our mutual friends, I realized that she behaves the same way with them. Her comments weren't personal attacks - they were her usual behavior.

Realize that a negative person usually does not want to hurt you - he or she is simply trapped in their own negativity. Learn to deal with negative comments. Object them. Instead of taking his/her words personally, take them as another point of view. Weed out the husks and see if you can benefit or learn from what is being said.

Trick #4: Switch to more enjoyable topics

Some negative people get turned on by certain topics. For example, one friend turns into a "victim of circumstances" whenever it comes to work. No matter what I say, he'll keep complaining about a job that's just awful and he won't be able to stop.

If a person is deeply rooted in his negativity, in his problems, the solution may be to change the subject. Start new theme to set the mood. Simple things—movies, daytime events, mutual friends, hobbies, happy news—can make a conversation much easier. Support it in areas in relation to which the person feels positive emotions.

Tactic #5: Choose Who You Spend Your Time With Carefully

As Jim Rohn put it, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” This quote means that who you spend time with has a huge impact on the kind of person you become.

I think this is very true. Think about the time you spend with negative people - do you feel good or bad after that? The same goes for positive people. How do you feel after spending time with them?

Whenever I spend time with negative people, I feel heaviness afterwards, a bad aftertaste. When I meet positive people, I feel a surge of optimism and energy. This effect remains even after communication. As you spend more time with negative people, you gradually become negative too. It may be temporary at first, but over time the effect will start to take root in you.

If you feel that certain people in your life are negative, be aware of how much time you spend with them. I advise limiting the duration - it can help. For example, if they want to hang out with you but you don't like their company, learn to say no. If it's a meeting or a phone call, set a limit on how long it will last. Stick to the topic of discussion, and don't let it go beyond a certain amount of time.

Tactic #6: Identify Areas Where You Can Make Positive Changes

Negative people are negative because they lack love, positivity, and warmth. Often they act in such a way as to create a barrier that will protect them from the world.

One of better ways help them bring positivity into their lives. Think about what is bothering the person right now and think about how you can help him (her). It shouldn't be too hard, and you definitely shouldn't do it if you don't want to. The key is to be sincere in wanting to help, and show him/her a different perspective on life.

Some time ago, I had a friend who didn't like her job. She did not like the environment and corporate culture. There was a vacancy at my (already former) workplace, so I offered her this opportunity. She eventually got the job, has been doing it for 3 years now, and doing it perfectly.

Today she leads a much happier, more active and optimistic life. She is definitely more positive than a few years ago. While I won't bet that she'll be completely satisfied with her career just yet, I feel gratified that I helped out a little at the right time. Also, there is always something you can do to help another – look around and help in any way you can. A small action on your part can lead to big changes in your relationship.

Technique #7: Stop talking to them.

If all else fails, limit contact with these people or even completely remove them from your life.

Instead of spending your time with negative people, focus on positive people. In the past, I spent a lot of time with negative people trying to help them. It took a lot of energy from me and was often completely useless. I have revised my methods. Now I prefer to work with positive friends and business partners. It turned out to be both more pleasant and more useful.

Remember that you are building your life and it is up to you to decide how you want it to be. If negative people make you feel bad, work on it using the 7 steps outlined. By doing the right thing, you can noticeably change your relationship.

Why support hotlines are needed and how they help people

Thanks to the #faceofdepression flashmob and the public discussion of mental disorders and psychological problems, it became clear that many in different periods life needs professional psychological help - but not everyone can afford it.

Someone does not have money for a paid specialist, someone is ashamed or afraid to go to the doctor. For such situations, there are helplines, crisis centers and support services where you can speak out or ask for advice. Usually their employees remain behind the scenes: for those who contacted them, this is just a voice. Specially for Meduza, three service specialists psychological support- including for children and HIV-positive people - they told how their work is arranged and what concerns Russians most of all now.

Dina Valeeva - psychologist, coordinator of the first emergency phone in St. Petersburg psychological help

Our mental health emergency number is social project Institute of Psychotherapy and Counseling "Harmony", the service has existed since 1989. It's free, anonymous, private and 24/7: we don't assign a number or ask for a name if the person doesn't want to give it. The consultant also has the right not to introduce himself or use a pseudonym - this is also due to our security.

Many people think that you only need to call the helpline when something terrible has happened to you. But in general, these phones exist so that people can share their experiences on less difficult occasions. calls in connection with emergencies(for example, suicide or experienced violence) - 1-3%. They don't come every day. Most often, people call us in connection with a crisis. Job dismissal, divorce, separation - any events that can cause difficult feelings. They called us when there was an explosion in the metro in St. Petersburg in April. There was a lot of information both on the Internet and on TV - and, probably, at home or at work, it seemed inappropriate for people to say that this information flow is traumatic.

Other topics for calls are health, love and family relationships. Less often - problems at work. There are calls about violence, addiction (including gambling), self-realization, and, of course, there are calls from clients with special needs. people with certain psychological features or a psychiatric diagnosis, they call us all the time: often for them it is the only way communication with the outside world. They don't need advice or instructions - they just want to say they went to the store or read a poem. We give them the opportunity to share something, but there are time limits: the line cannot be constantly busy so that a person in a crisis also has the opportunity to get through.

I don't have prepared answers for different situations, whether it's unrequited love or problems with parents. I try to tune in to the same wave, I even take into account the pace of speech. If a person called the phone, it means that he wants empathy, participation, support. And the conversation always focuses on feelings. I try to track the state of the interlocutor at the beginning and at the end. Did the tension (or despair, or sadness, or pain) go away because someone shared this feeling with him.

There are situations when the consultant has the right to hang up. For example, if the rapist calls and starts savoring the details of what he did. We do not talk to drunk people: we explain that we are ready to provide support, but first the interlocutor needs to sober up. If the consultant realizes that he is being used for sexual purposes, he also ends the conversation.

I am not a supporter of written counseling, although it exists. When you write, you need to formulate, and it turns out that this is about the area of ​​​​thinking, not feelings. Live communication with a live person is more effective. I hear a voice, breathing, I track other moments that may be important to me. In addition, if the interlocutor is in a state of acute grief, such hopelessness that there is no strength even to move, or, conversely, anger or rage - how then to print? Emoticons cannot convey all the emotions we experience. And yes, calling a stranger is an effort. But who said that psychological help should be easy? Internal changes often involve some effort.

St. Petersburg weather is the talk of the town, and we also happen to discuss it. It happens that a person who does not come from St. Petersburg, who moved here to live, calls and says that at first he was very inspired by the monuments of art and architecture, but gradually the dullness began to crush. We rarely have sun. Then we begin to jointly look for a resource - each person has his own recipe for how to support himself when everything seems to be bad.

There are bright calls during which I understand that my work is very important for me and for the person. And it's not always something extreme. For example, one day a child called and asked to be escorted to the apartment by phone while he was taking the elevator. Parents are at work, and I was ashamed to say that I couldn’t go into the entrance, because it was scary. For me it was very significant.

Kirill Barsky - Head of the programs of the charitable foundation to fight AIDS "Steps"

According to official data, more than 800 thousand people with HIV infection live in Russia today. However, the all-Russian free state hotline for the Prevention and Treatment of HIV/AIDS, which worked from 2006 to 2013, is no longer active. It has no funding. But there are numbers you can call for information, help and support - for example, the number of our foundation founded by HIV-positive people. We have a social information center where self-help groups take place, counseling, testing, medical and social support services are provided. The phone is picked up by "peer consultants" - that is, people with a positive HIV status. Sometimes we receive up to 50 calls a day, especially if something happened: the medicine was not delivered to pharmacies on time or a high-profile case got into the media.

The most common reason for calls is difficulty in accepting a diagnosis. "What do I need to do next? Will I live? We tell what HIV infection is, we try to explain that no, not everything is lost. Catchphrase: "We grieve you, you will live, there is a cure." Most of the time, the callers don't even know it. It is especially difficult for a person with HIV status in small towns with a population of ten thousand people, because the offices of infectious disease doctors at hospitals, KVD [dermal and venereal dispensaries], polyclinics are in full view. People are afraid to go there and decide to move. But even Muscovites do not immediately seek help and stay in prostration for a long time, because in our country there is no high-quality pre- and post-test counseling about HIV. At best, they find "peer counselors" or HIV-positive people. At worst, and there are many such cases, they end up in the hospital in a very bad condition and take a long time to get out. People do not trust Russian medicine and cannot even imagine that there is free quality treatment. Meanwhile, HIV infection is provided better than any nosology in the country.

We listen to other people's stories and tell our own. For example, I have been living with HIV infection since the age of 18 and for a long time did not want to accept my diagnosis. I ran away from the AIDS center for more than seven months, having learned about my status - I'm busy, I have a university, I have things to do! And only when I realized that I could no longer climb from the first to the second floor without being out of breath, I again came to the doctor. I am now 26. I have been taking antiretroviral therapy without interruption for six years. I have more than a thousand immune cells, which is an excellent indicator, especially for the city.

We are called by any people - everyone you can imagine. Doctors, academics, professors. I once consulted five priests in four months. Most calls are sexually transmitted. And most often people are in a relationship: someone brought from outside, someone was infected before the relationship, but did not know about the status, someone was abused. Very often people become completely helpless, because they do not expect such a turn of events: “After all, I am leading healthy lifestyle life, I have a stable relationship with my wife!” If necessary, we take people for escort - we bring them by the hand to the AIDS center and help them register.

If the second partner remains negative, there is a very high risk that the relationship will fall apart. Because people are scared, because in most cases it is not known where the virus came from. My personal example - I got HIV status, being in a stable relationship, and which of us brought the infection, we still do not know.

AIDS phobia in our society is still very pronounced. It happens that people call and ask: “I took the sacrament, did I get HIV infection?” One day, the mother of an HIV-positive man called and asked if she had done the right thing by washing the apartment with bleach and setting aside separate dishes for her son. XXI Century!

It happens that people who deny the existence of HIV infection call us. If this is a call from parents, we try to motivate them as much as possible to contact a specialist who works with parents. If a person just wants to prove something to himself with this call, then we are not for them and it is pointless to enter into a dialogue. Most often, these are people who have been diagnosed, but they do not want to accept it. Whether a person will turn to services after a conversation or not is his decision. Our task is not to force or persuade, but to support and help a person realize as much as possible. Unfortunately, there are times when at the end of the call the person still says: no, I won't go. And here we can do nothing, it is his right.

I often hear from experts: yes, who can cry from HIV infection now, this is such nonsense. This is wrong. This is a chronic incurable disease, without treatment it is fatal. In addition, HIV in the public mind is still associated with the marginalized - drug users, sex workers. The stigma hasn't gone away. Fortunately, it rarely develops into action. But discrimination still exists - even in Moscow. A recent case: a colleague of mine was badly bitten by a dog. We went to the emergency room, they calmly helped him, understanding the status. And then he had to go to the clinic to get a tetanus shot. The nurse called 20 hospitals in front of us, they all said: “No, let him go to Falcon Mountain.” Why? What is the problem with injection?

Unfortunately, free counseling is not available in all regions of Russia, because the state system still does not really understand where and how to support local NGOs, activist consultants and self-help groups, and there are practically no international donors left. Everything is relatively in order in Moscow, St. Petersburg and Yekaterinburg. But even then we survive on moral and strong-willed: 90% of the work of our foundation is volunteering.

Alina Gromova - head of the children's helpline of the Center for Emergency Psychological Assistance of the Moscow State University of Psychology and Education

Usually children call to talk about relationships - with peers or in the family. Frequent topics are conflicts with parents, emotional coldness. Rarely - violence, cruelty. But since all calls are anonymous, even in this case we cannot directly influence the development of events. Everything is done through a conversation with the child: if he is ready to open up, he leaves contacts, and we contact the guardianship authorities or other services that can help.

However, it is not easy to convince him of this, because the prospect of being in orphanage scares even more. We explain that there are intermediate stages, there are crisis centers that work with parents. But usually children are not inclined to change the situation radically, they call because today is especially difficult, and it is still tolerable. Of course, we say that it is not normal to be subjected to violence, both physical and psychological. But more often than not, underprivileged kids are just waiting to go to dorm college and finally run away from home.

On the other side of the scale are children from whom parents expect a lot - and they do not withstand this pressure. Sometimes under the story “he is an excellent student with us, everything is fine” there may be too high parental ambitions, efforts for someone and torment for oneself. Against this background, the so-called tunnel consciousness can even develop, when the whole world narrows down to the need to get an A in the exam. If it doesn't work out, that's it, life is over. And then we work to expand consciousness, we say - well, imagine yourself in ten years, what will this five give you, how will it affect your life?

Suicide is generally a common topic: children can call and tell that they have thoughts, intentions, plans. Or it can even be a current suicide - when the subscriber has already drunk the pills or is standing on the window, near the road. It is difficult to explain the motivation: sometimes it is fear, sometimes the desire to live, sometimes the inability to call a loved one and say goodbye. Sometimes it's indescribable - just wanted to dial a number and talk to this stranger. In any emergency, we try to find out the address and call an ambulance.

"Blue whales", of course, also did not pass by our phone. Teenagers called with the words "I tried to join the group, now I'm scared, what if they kill my parents." Anxious parents called, who flipped through all the tapes of the children and revealed all their passwords in order, if anything, to prevent suicide, which nothing even hinted at. There were many violations of boundaries and unnecessary panic, but for the first time some parents paid attention to the lives of their children, and the “blue whales” became a marker that there are problems.

It happens that parents do not notice, do not see the difficulties, thinking that they are doing everything possible for the child. There was a call from a parent whose child is doing well in school and is attending nine other clubs. There is no social communication because the family lives in a closed cottage village. And everything seems to be fine, but then he joined the group, began to talk about death ... Parents at first tried to disown the problem: it’s still wonderful, a thousand and one circles, he studies for five, why does he need these whales? Admitting your mistakes is not easy at all. But the feeling of guilt is still present, albeit deep: maybe I'm doing something wrong, maybe I need to change my way of upbringing, moderate my ambitions? In this case, the conversation came to the point that the group for the child was the only place where he could communicate on any topic of interest to him and he was encouraged there.

Younger children call with fears. I watched a horror movie with my brother, and now it seems that there are monsters everywhere. “It” is popular right now, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a million calls about the fact that a clown is sitting somewhere and waiting with this balloon. And once one of the parents called and said that the child had a fear that someone was watching him, like a man. When we started to find out the details, it turned out that the child’s grandfather had recently died, they didn’t take him to the funeral and explained that the grandfather is now in heaven and looks down on you. Children have a very specific mindset. The child began to see a man in dark corners.

Teenagers call with experiences that may seem frivolous to us. “My girlfriend took to write off, and when the teacher caught us, she said that she gave it to write off. She also meets my boyfriend, took me away, and behind my back calls me a fool. But here she is my best friend. I don't know what to do." But this is important. At this age, teenagers determine for themselves what friendship, loyalty, honor, love, justice are. And it makes no sense to say: "Find yourself another girlfriend." The psychologist, through leading questions, clarifies what the subscriber wants. Here's a best friend doing this. What do you feel at this moment? What is friendship for you? What is happening now - friendship? How would you like to change the situation?

Of the relatively new topics - blackmail in social networks. Calling girls who met someone, sent a photo in the nude. And now a person is blackmailing them: he asks for a photo from a new angle or a video. If you refuse, all your friends will receive these photos (a screenshot of the list of friends is attached). Public shame is very scary for girls. And they don't know what to do, how to tell their parents.

There are also pranks, but usually consultants feel them well: you start asking clarifying questions, and the child “crumbles”. Sometimes in this way children win back a traumatic situation that needs to be experienced. Once, the children called us several times to tell us that they had killed a cat. We spent half a day on this topic. At some point, the consultant asked what happened to them, where such cruel details came from. And it turned out that they saw a downed cat in the morning. A big company, you can’t openly show weakness, fear, but you need to comprehend the situation. Laughter is a normal reaction, it happens that in a stressful situation you laugh instead of crying. The consultant sympathized, said that it is rather difficult to accept death and it is scary to think about it. He voiced their experiences and possible emotions, explained that a vivid reaction to such an event is normal. The children's emotional tension subsided, the topic ceased to be exciting, and the calls stopped.

"Deutsche Wave"
Alexander Varkentin
2010-09-12 14:50

The insurance company R+V Versicherung has been conducting an annual representative survey of 2,500 citizens aged 14 and over for 20 years. They are offered a table of 16 questions. This year, the so-called fear index is close to a record and stands at 50 percent. Topping the list is the fear of rising cost of living, feared by 68 percent of the population. 67 percent fear an economic downturn.

In August, consumer prices in Germany rose by exactly 1 percent compared to August of the previous year. Germany was the first of all European countries to emerge from the economic crisis. The government and experts are constantly adjusting their economic growth forecasts upwards. And yet, what most Germans fear is inflation and economic recession. Paradox?

Experts say no. And you don’t even need to remember the times of the great depression of the late 1920s of the last century or post-war times when a box of matches was worth millions. Immediately after the introduction of the euro in 1999, the Germans perceived the reform as an increase in the cost of living, although economists claim that this perception is erroneous. Last year's financial crisis and the subsequent crisis of confidence in the euro only added to the fear of inflation.

The German government was forced to allocate hundreds of billions of euros to save the banking system first, then the economy, and then the EU countries, such as Greece, that were on the verge of state bankruptcy. A normal citizen is simply unable to imagine all these astronomical sums, but he perfectly understands who will have to pay for all these rescue operations - he, the taxpayer. And the more debt the government has, the higher the risk of inflation.

In third place among the "German fears" are natural and man-made disasters. They are afraid of 64 percent of respondents. Earthquake in Haiti, floods in Pakistan. An unprecedented drought and forest fires in Russia, an oil carpet in the Gulf of Mexico. Almost every day brings news of new disasters.

The Germans "on themselves" felt the consequences of a volcanic eruption in Iceland. It came as a real shock. Distant island Iceland, some small volcano with an unpronounceable name spat out a cloud of dust, and suddenly air traffic ceased throughout Europe. Thousands of passengers could not return home from abroad, there was a threat of interruptions in the supply of certain goods. The volcano calmed down, but the belief in the omnipotence of technical civilization was undermined.

But let's take a look at the data provided by the Moscow-based sociological institute Levada Center, Deutsche Welle offers. It would be incorrect to directly compare them with the survey results in Germany, but it is acceptable to talk about trends. First, 72 percent of respondents are afraid of rising prices in Russia, which is even more than in Germany. It is understandable, given the level of inflation in Russia. But only 36 percent of Russians are afraid of a crisis in the economy, but 67 percent of Germans.

Rising unemployment scares 61 percent of Germans and only 38 percent of Russians. True, in both countries, the level of fear of being unemployed has decreased compared to the previous year. In Germany, this is due to the fact that thanks to government programs to stabilize the economy, the crisis had little effect on the labor market. And now the demand for labor is growing.

Poll results in Germany and Russia are difficult to compare, writes Deutsche Welle. For example, there was no question about the rudeness and cruelty of police officers in the German questionnaires. Simply because a normal German citizen rarely deals with the police, and any case of incorrect behavior on the part of the police immediately becomes a public scandal. There was no in the German questionnaires and columns "impossibility to obtain the truth in court."

But here's the real sensation: 62 percent of those surveyed in Germany fear that the government and other politicians are unable to cope with the country's problems. This is caused, first of all, by public strife in the coalition government. Plays a role and the fact that many global problems today it is impossible to decide at the national level. 83 percent of citizens assess the work of the government as poor or unsatisfactory. These figures have even grown compared to last year, although most experts agree that it was the sensible government policy that helped Germany overcome the crisis so quickly.

However, in Germany it is customary to blame politicians for everything. The sensation lies in the fact that in Russia the answer to the question "Are you afraid of the weakness of state power?" Only 13 percent of the respondents answered in the affirmative.

We are all human and rely on each other to survive. In fact, in hunter-gatherer cultures, abandoning the tribe means death. So it's no wonder we care about what other people think of us!

But if you allow it to affect you, you will limit your creative potential, push away from you people who to some extent elevate you, squander your opportunities for financial freedom and, in the end, you simply will not be able to boldly follow your true goal.

Fear of what others think not only limits your potential, it even leads to disease. Fear will not only make you lonely, broken, and prevent you from fulfilling your calling, it will also increase the risk of dangerous cardiovascular diseases, cancer, autoimmune diseases, inflammation, chronic pain, diabetes, and even the common cold.

So how do you know if you're too afraid of other people's opinions of you? Here are some significant warnings. Listen to them.

You can't speak the truth

How often do you shut up because you're afraid that if you talk, you'll jeopardize your job, lose your lover, alienate a friend, or be rejected by your parents? How many times have you swallowed your truth (and with it your honesty, self-respect, and openness)?

You are not asked to voice all your thoughts. But every time you fail to express what is meaningful to you, what you think is right and right, you activate a stress response that weakens your body's natural self-healing mechanisms and puts yourself at risk. Plus, you disturb your mental balance. And if you do not learn to follow the cries of your soul, to say what you think is necessary in each specific situation, the Universe can deal you a crushing blow in the form of deplorable consequences.

You become a social chameleon

Do you know people who change their mood (and appearance, and their favorite band, and even political party) each time they enter a new social circle? Even people with feeling dignity become almost the same if they are surrounded by others who are not like them.

If you feel that you are trying to fit in with the social environment, then you are probably afraid that other people will not like you, because you are not like that at all, you do not have common interests. And sometimes you are right. The whole truth is that you will not feel comfortable in any environment with your beliefs and views. But it's worth taking the risk, because only when you take the risk and act accordingly will you really find your company.

You're lying

If you think that your truth is not welcome, then you will have a tendency to distort the truth, to hide the truth or lies. It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman, but this is especially common among men who hide the truth from a woman because they are afraid that if they tell her everything, she will run away or reject. He is sure that if he dares to tell the truth about what he feels or what he thinks, it will dishonor him.

Of course, women are often guilty of lying, and men are often guilty of being ashamed of their truth. Often it turns out that the ladies blame their gentlemen for dishonesty. Excuse me, but how can you be honest if after that they will be shamed or reprimanded? This is a complete failure. We better not be afraid of the truth, but find the courage to love and respect each other.

You apologize for everything you like

For example, you say, "Yes, I listen to bands from the 1980s, although it might be stupid." And after this phrase, you blush, feel ashamed, assume that the other person will condemn you, will laugh at you. Then you start pretending, saying that it was a joke, apologizing, agreeing with the opinions of others.

And it happens that a person, for example, talks about his admiration for Lady Gaga. You immediately support him, admire with him, although in fact you cannot stand her. It's just fear. The same situation can be observed in one of the scenes with Julia Roberts in the movie Runaway Bride, where she does not know if she likes eggs for breakfast, because she imitates the man she is dating. You forget that those who truly love you need you, not some cheap copy.

You avoid social situations

If you are an introvert, you will understand that not everyone likes the nightlife. But introverts still crave company. But if they are afraid, they will immediately leave even the most interesting company. But even the most ardent extroverts avoid social situations because they worry beyond measure about what others think.

You can’t be afraid to be yourself, all the time waiting for some kind of rejection. It is necessary to overcome the fear of what others think of you, it is important to always remain a complete person.

You hide your quirks

Do you love hamburgers and pizza, do you like to overeat this junk food at night? Do you know all the best recipes for these dishes and all the technology? But here's the problem - you do not understand fashion, as is customary in society today. If you are too afraid of what others will think, you will be forced to follow the crowd. This activates stress responses that will push your body towards disease. And by doing so, you hide your true interests, although there may be another fan of hamburgers in your environment with whom you would find a common language.

You constantly wonder what the other person is thinking

You are very puzzled, because you are constantly trying to read other people's minds to make sure who to be and what to say in a given situation. And you are not really present at this moment in the conversation with your mind. And, of course, you do not pay attention to your beautiful, unique soul, which rewards you with thoughts and feelings.

When you are dealing with your fear of what everyone else is thinking, try to stay in the present, try to be free from fear.

You become a perfectionist

The desire for perfection is a property of the soul, the desire to flawlessly perform every task. But perfectionism comes from the fear of rejection, the fear of rejection.

You hide your inner light

Think back to the times when you had good times in your life. You want to scream it from the roof! But you don't. Because you're afraid it will sound like a boast. Or you're worried about someone else judging you. Or that you'll make someone else jealous. Thus, you are losing ground. But when you do this, you deprive everyone of the opportunity to see your inner light, your excitement, your thoughts. Imagine how much more interesting and fulfilling life could be!

You hide behind a mask

You fragment your personality. When you are wearing a mask, you are acting in one direction. You do things differently when you work with your business colleagues. In church, in a dance club, and in a yoga class, you behave very differently. If you let go of your fear of what others think, you will have the courage to answer the ultimate question: who are you really?

Then your whole life will become a love letter to that true self. You are too beautiful, smart and unique to hide behind a faceless mask that robs you of your individuality. So, once you stop caring about what everyone else thinks, you can fully "get into" your true, authentic self.